this post was submitted on 20 Nov 2025
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Mildly Infuriating
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because that isn't how a public internet site works.
if you go to a public park and hold a women only event, and get upset men are in the park and wander over and are curious what is going on... and get upset about those men then the problem is you and your unrealistic expectations of exclusivity.
if you want a private exclusive type of space... then make it private and exclusive. that way you can control who views and interacts with the event and even hire security to keep the 'wrong' people out.
like if the mods want to auto-ban everyone who doesn't personally verify with them their womanhood, that's their business. but expecting people to self-police their gender is a dumb expectation.
personally i have a dick but i don't really identify as being a 'man'. nor do identify as being a 'woman'. i'm just a person. so am i therefore allowed to commentate? or is the mods who determine my sex/gender status, regardless of how i perceive myself?
To correct your 'public park' analogy, the space is public. Anyone can wander in. But it has clear signs posted at the only entrance saying its a space for women to speak, please be quiet, otherwise.
Missing the sign and apologizing is understandable.
But but if you wander in and knowingly violate that rule by electing to speak up, that is no one's fault but yours.
...A primary reason for that rule is basically "don't be a dick about this being a women's only space, please."
If you feel you qualify as a woman to speak in the space, go for it! That's the idea. That's the spirit of the rule. But you specifically say "nor do [I] identify as being a ‘woman’. "
Making an issue out of it is precisely what is unwanted. So is trying to blame the space for your deliberate choice.
I don't get why this is so hard to grasp. It's simple.
just because i feel that way doesn't mean the people in charge feel that way.
it's just part of life. mods gotta mod. this entire post to me just seems like moral grandstanding/public shaming.
and further, i commented in that thread too. i came from the front page of lemmy.world. there were no rules posted. there was no signage. but i didn't get called out by the mods because i 'type like a girl' and often pass as a woman on the internet.
I'm not trying to grandstand. My issue is with these presumptions:
They're not checking you at the door. They aren't auto banning anyone. They very politely point out the sidebar to a few posters, then request them to stay quiet; that's the extent of it.
...If you don't make an issue of that, it's not an issue.
But this is unrealistic, as then they wouldn't get nearly as much participation in the space. It's a public gathering spot, by choice.
Again, my specific problem is with commenters that are shown the rules by the mods, yet willingly choose to ignore them.
Just because you think rules are unrealistic does not give you a right to ignore them once asked. That's how every community here works. Yet they seem to get tons of posters carrying that bad attitude, with that same line of argument.
That's what makes me bristle. Respecting community rules (once known) is basic human civility, and people are perfectly capable of 'self-policing' that. I do not like the rejection of that + the policing of others in its place.
The public park is owned by everyone, not just the women. You would be correct to be upset by men being excluded from this public space.
Comms are not public assets. Your use of any comm is entirely at the pleasure of the administrators of that comm, and their designated moderators.
Your opinion on the way they implement and enforce their rules is entirely irrelevant within their comm.
My suggestion would be to do what you would for any other comm whose behavior you do not support and/or whose rules you find reprehensible: block them and move on.
they should make their community private then. that way they can control who virtually walks in the door, so to speak.
as is, there is no door. it's a public space that anyone can access.
But we are allowed, and encouraged to read it, just not post. It is public.
You are entitled to your opinion. They are entitled to theirs. I am entitled to my opinion: what they do with their space and who they allow into it is no concern of yours. Mind your own business, and leave them to mind theirs.
Lets say you go to a public building and in that public building there is a room marked women only, lets say in that room are some toilets, would you go in that room? Since it's a public space in the same building as all the other public space, the only difference is that portion of the space is understood to be only for women, or those that identify as women.
You may stumble in accidentally, and you will be gently corrected, but if you keep stumbling in, it's gonna start to seem weird, and the corrections will get less gentle.
Perhaps this is an exception, but I've disregarded that rule to use the building's only baby changing table a bunch of times.
Yeah, that's fine, a bit outside the metaphor as there is no analog.
Basically just that socially enforced boundaries are a thing even in public spaces.
a lot of places have rebranded those to 'family restrooms'. which is great.
yeah i would. esp if the men's room was locked.
i have gone into plenty of women's rooms before. i don't really give a shit about gender/sex rules when it comes to not shitting my pants.
sometimes when i came out a woman got all huffy, but they never did anything about it. because it's pretty stupid ultimately. everyone has to shit. and most people dont' care women use the man's room.
but i don't live in gender exclusivity/anxiety land like many people do. most gender exclusivity people have identity issues hence they need to police other people's gender and sex and make massive generalizations about others gender and sex because they lack self-awareness and understanding and confidence.