this post was submitted on 10 Nov 2025
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I was going to illustrate the whole poem by Edgar Allan Poe, but since I wasn't able to do it, have the one drawing, and the poem itself. Keep in mind it is horror literature and has themes of grief and a haunting encounter with a raven.

The Raven CW: Grief, Horror

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. “ ’Tis some visiter,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door — Only this, and nothing more.”

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December, And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor. Eagerly I wished the morrow; — vainly I had tried to borrow From my books surcease of sorrow — sorrow for the lost Lenore —

For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore — Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain Thrilled me — filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating “ ’Tis some visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door — Some late visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door; — This it is, and nothing more.”

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer, “Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, That I scarce was sure I heard you” — here I opened wide the door; — Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before; But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token, And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Lenore!” This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Lenore!” Merely this, and nothing more.

Then into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning, Soon I heard again a tapping somewhat louder than before. “Surely,” said I, “surely that is something at my window lattice; Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore — Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;— ’Tis the wind, and nothing more!”

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore; Not the least obeisance made he; not an instant stopped or stayed he; But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door — Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door — Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore, “Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,” I said, “art sure no craven, Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore — Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly, Though its answer little meaning — little relevancy bore; For we cannot help agreeing that no sublunary being Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door — Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door, With such name as “Nevermore.”

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour. Nothing farther then he uttered — not a feather then he fluttered — Till I scarcely more than muttered, “Other friends have flown before — On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

Wondering at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken, “Doubtless,” said I, “what it utters is its only stock and store, Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster Followed fast and followed faster — so, when Hope he would adjure, Stern Despair returned, instead of the sweet Hope he dared adjure — That sad answer, “Nevermore!”

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling, Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust, and door; Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore — What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore Meant in croaking “Nevermore.”

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core; This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining On the cushion’s velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o’er, But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o’er, She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer Swung by angels whose faint foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor. “Wretch,” I cried, “thy God hath lent thee — by these angels he hath sent thee Respite — respite and Nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore! Let me quaff this kind Nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil! — prophet still, if bird or devil! — Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore, Desolate, yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted — On this home by Horror haunted — tell me truly, I implore — Is there — is there balm in Gilead? — tell me — tell me, I implore!” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil! — prophet still, if bird or devil! By that Heaven that bends above us — by that God we both adore — Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn, It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore — Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

“Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!” I shrieked, upstarting — “Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore! Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken! — quit the bust above my door! Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon that is dreaming, And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor Shall be lifted — nevermore!


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[–] Alisu@hexbear.net 3 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago) (2 children)

I'd rather not. But if I have to wait a year, I'll do it. But I'd prefer waiting for it being legit, since I'll probably get everything for free

[–] TerminalEncounter@hexbear.net 3 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Its your call but waiting just means less time on HRT

[–] Alisu@hexbear.net 3 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

Well I don't even know how long I'll have to wait yet. Could be like 3 months, could be a year or more. If I see that it's going to take a while, I'll probably look into diy. I have a scheduled appointment soon, let's see how that goes.

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 3 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

If money is the issue and you want to start now I'll buy you a vial, it's no problem for me. Needles and stuff is probably like 30 dollars. A year is a long time imo you don't have to wait that. But it's up to you.

[–] Alisu@hexbear.net 2 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Money is not too much of a problem. I don't think I could afford a vial for now, mostly because of shipping, both the cost and finding places that actually ship here. Needles and stuff is easy and cheap, I could get it no problem.

Unfortunately, since I live with my parents, I'd have to hide everything and that sounds a little stressful. But the biggest thing is that I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to get a prescription later if I do DIY, I'm not sure it would happen though.

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 2 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (1 children)

I live at home too, with a job. No bills and it's not an issue for me to send it. Hiding isnt ideal obviously but eh, idk. I'm hiding too. If they're supportive anyway and eventually you have to tell them your on hormones it's probably not that big of a deal. Like obviously they're going to want you to do it officially but if you tell them you just couldn't wait any longer might not be too bad. Unless they're super nosey hiding isn't terrible. If you have a good friend it could stay at their house too/shipped there.

That's fair and my biggest concern too. I don't know where you live but I've heard mostly good things from people in the west about telling their endos they diy. A lot of trans people have at some point.

My other big concern, both for you and myself, is not wanting to wait and have things continue to masculinize. Especially since it sounds like you're young. I've heard horror stories of people strung along like 13-20s and it's just heartbreaking to me. But it's up to you, obviously you know the risks, just wanting you to have your options. Balancing everything is really tough and I really get that, being in a somewhat similar boat (although I'm probably older and probably have less supportive parents). I think you're being reasonable, just please don't let them keep you on a list for too long. I see in another comment you said it might only be a few months.

[–] Alisu@hexbear.net 2 points 14 hours ago (2 children)

Yes, it might not take too long, but it depends on a supreme court ruling that's slowed to a crawl, so everything is completely uncertain, I'd have to write 3+ paragraphs to explain this.

Honestly you basically convinced me, I'm not getting any younger, but let me think about it for a bit. Shipping is a bit complicated, so I'd rather check that first.

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 2 points 14 hours ago

That sounds like a good idea. You DM me when you figure out shipping okay? That was a pain in the neck for me too. Ended up having a friend I hadn't seen in 5 years take it.

[–] Alisu@hexbear.net 2 points 14 hours ago

It took me like an hour of going back and forth thinking to reply