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this post was submitted on 08 Nov 2025
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Honestly, I’d believer it. What a horrible sack of shit.
Does the Bible mention masturbation? I know it promotes feeding the poor for sure…
I am not a Bible expert, but every time I've heard people talk about it, they reference an Old Testament story where a man's close female relative (I think his brother's widow or something like that?) tries to seduce him after her husband dies, but then he lets his seed spill to the ground instead of impregnating her, and this displeases God.
The story is obviously about him not fulfilling his familial duties, but modern Christians pretend it's about making sure you only ejaculate when there's a chance of reproducing.
every sperm is sacred
when just one is wasted God gets quite irate
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found
Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is good
Every sperm is needed
In your neighborhood!
Onan is supposed to impregnate Tamar, the widow of his brother. The ancient Hebrews practiced levirate marriage, where if a woman’s husband died before giving her a son, her brother in law was supposed to impregnate her so that she could have some claim to inheritance/not be left destitute.
Onan didn’t want to impregnate her, because he didn’t want to share the inheritance. So he pulled out and was killed for being a shitty person. Trying to get the O but not the responsibility. Absolutely nothing to do with masturbation.
Later, Tamar is supposed to marry the last brother, but Judah, her father-in-law is freaked out about giving her his last son, worried that he is going to end up getting killed somehow too. So he tells Tamar to go back home and wait. Tamar eventually gets sick of this, dresses up as a prostitute and gets Judah to impregnate her.
That tracks after I got caught with a stash of sears catalog rip-outs and my catholic mom guilt-tripped me lol.
Neither of us are religious now so it's kind of funny on hindsight at least.
Well, (not a Christian) as I understand it the whole "don't masturbate" comes from the story of Onan. Onan was some rando who had his brother die and as such he was obligated to impregnate his brothers wife (as was the fashion at the time) so his son by his brothers wife would be the heir of his bother.... I'm sure it made sense at the time.
Instead Onan decides to practice "pull out" contraception so he can keep fucking both his own wife and his brothers wife too. This pisses off God and he gets all smite-y on Onan.
This gets interpreted as either "Masturbation is a sin" or "Give you brother an heir" or "Don't defy gods cucking fetish" depending on which sect you talk to.
It's more "don't defy God" in this story.
That's basically what ALL of the old testament and ridiculous amounts of the new one boil down to, though 🤷
. ……..seriously? First off; what a wild ass story. Second, how on earth can masturbation be the takeaway? Religion is so weird.
I wonder if Mr Jonson would kill an Amalek on sight, as the LORD commanded Christians to do. I wonder if he thinks this is in fact what President Trump and Bibi are actually doing.
(for context: Amalekites are a tribe) Numbers 14:25
(... that God really fucking did not like) Samuel 15:2-3
Personally? No way, that weasels sack of shit couldn’t do his own dirty work, but I’m sure he delights in seeing anyone who isn’t white and Christian die. Women and children are no obstacle for this filth.
-- Steven Weinberg (RIP)
I think that’s a great quote and the man had numerous scientific accomplishments, but as a supporter of Israel he also said (of Britain’s Israeli boycott):
"Given the history of the attacks on Israel and the oppressiveness and aggressiveness of other countries in the Middle East and elsewhere, boycotting Israel indicated a moral blindness for which it is hard to find any explanation other than antisemitism."
I think the quote is overrated, honestly. There are a lot of times that a "good" person may do "evil" without religion.
Probably the most famous example comes from the Milgram experiment. All that's required is an authority figure to tell people to do evil and they'll do it.
And if you study behavioral economics, you'll find out that a lot of people tend to cheat and steal just a little bit.
Another time is when there is a conflict of interests. I forget the exact quote, but it is said that it will be impossible to get a person to understand something when their pay requires them not to understand it.
I'd love to see a repeat of the Millgram experiment, but with religious people in one group and non-religious people in the other.
I wonder which more readily abdicate their moral decision-making
You never know until you test it, but my hypothesis would be that the religious people, having spent their entire lives abdicating their moral decision-making to ministers and stone age religious texts, would have different results from people who have had experience thinking about their actions and creating moral convictions on their own.
hes trumps mouthpiece.
wanna bet he doesnt know what amalek is.
Isn't that the stone head in Legends of the Hidden Temple?
I mean yeah, these types of verses are 100% used to understand and condone the slaughter of Palestinians.
Matthew 5:27-30
If not masturbation itself, certainly porn and fantasizing would be condemned by Jesus.
Seems extreme. Maybe we should just throw the entire bible out.
I have yet to see an english translation that isn’t terrible, but only the worst and most unreliable use the word “hell.” The actual word is Gehenna, a real place that was considered cursed, desecrated, and very undesirable. It does not mean “hell” in the way any modern reader would picture it, as that concept does not exist anywhere in Jewish or Christian scripture. It is a pagan addition.
The word “lust” here also does not mean “horny” it means “covet.” It means an overwhelming desire to possess something. The word “woman” also properly means “married woman” and not just “any woman.” Jesus is not talking about fantasizing, but about a desire with intent to take something that belongs to someone else, inflicting harm.
Some serious nofap cult logic.
The line I remember from the bible being attributed to "masturbation=bad" is:
"It is better to spill your seed in the belly of a prostitute than it is upon the ground."
But that really could be interpreted as to the usefulness of reproduction or pleasure and not really a condemnation of jerking it. Like, it sure is better. But I dont have money for a prostitute so the ground will have to do 🤷♂️
Or maybe just don't ejaculate on the ground you filthy bastard. I'm sure they had like leaves or something if they couldn't afford tissues.
moneybags in the bible can afford hookers.