this post was submitted on 02 Oct 2025
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I had a girl cancel and reschedule our first date shortly before we were supposed to meet up. That date happened, and she confided in me that she'd done that on purpose to gauge my reaction and general demeanor before actually coming out to meet me. I respected that move, and I think I would have been okay with her bringing a friend instead, as long as it was just the once.
Anyway, that was eight years ago, we're married now.
Nice that it worked out but deception and playing games would be a huge red flag for me. Nothing about that instance in particular, it’s just that I’d always wonder “is this situation for real or another trick?”
Maybe the immediate followup fixes it. You were strangers then after all. And after eight years of course you know what you’re working with haha
Damnit now I’m just rambling to myself, carry on!
Or does he?
Look at this dude... Being happy
Quick! Scan his post and comment history to find something to bring him down!!
Weakness identified!
I bet he misses a lot of MtG sessions. 😏
Who do you think you are, flexing your relationship like that.
You're a dumbass for playing along with such insane bullshit but I'm glad it worked out for you.
I don't think "begrudging women a single test to see if someone is the type to explode over a single inconvenience" is the right hill to stick your flag on.
Trying to start a relationship by playing games is very much a good place to find red flags.
It might seem like a game to you but that's someone's life.
Do you have an alternative for how they should determine if a potential partner is a danger? Besides hiring a private detective or rolling the dice by finding out after they're invested?
If you can't trust a stranger even a little bit then don't date complete strangers. Limit your dating pool to your circle of friends, friends of friends, people you already know or that your friends vouch for.
That is so utterly devoid of empathy that I have nothing left to say to you.
Yeah, lack of empathy on her side, I know. If you think your date is a potential rapist/murderer/... then why are you trying to date them?
Potential partners don't have to be rapists or murderers to be worth avoiding. They could have anti-social tendencies, explosive tempers, or violent reactions. Or, just be generally unpleasant. Like you.
I wouldn't have discovered I'm not much a fan of you, if I hadn't made an innocuous comment about not holding it against women if they do a single smoke test for bad actors. We might have otherwise been buddy-buddy, with years of casual friendship, before something else triggered this, or a similar, conversation. And then, months or years down the road, I'd have to grapple with whether the friendship is salvageable. Because I don't think shrugging at women who have to play russian roulette for love is very cool.
But, as I said, I'm lucky. I can say we're done here, right now.
Yeah, I'd say it's a red flag except there are a ton of crazies that this quickly filters for them and keeps them safe from.
So in an ideal world it would be bad, but it makes sense in the one we live in.
Mr. Fancy-look-at-me-i'm-married-pants