this post was submitted on 02 Oct 2025
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It might seem like a game to you but that's someone's life.
Do you have an alternative for how they should determine if a potential partner is a danger? Besides hiring a private detective or rolling the dice by finding out after they're invested?
If you can't trust a stranger even a little bit then don't date complete strangers. Limit your dating pool to your circle of friends, friends of friends, people you already know or that your friends vouch for.
That is so utterly devoid of empathy that I have nothing left to say to you.
Yeah, lack of empathy on her side, I know. If you think your date is a potential rapist/murderer/... then why are you trying to date them?
Potential partners don't have to be rapists or murderers to be worth avoiding. They could have anti-social tendencies, explosive tempers, or violent reactions. Or, just be generally unpleasant. Like you.
I wouldn't have discovered I'm not much a fan of you, if I hadn't made an innocuous comment about not holding it against women if they do a single smoke test for bad actors. We might have otherwise been buddy-buddy, with years of casual friendship, before something else triggered this, or a similar, conversation. And then, months or years down the road, I'd have to grapple with whether the friendship is salvageable. Because I don't think shrugging at women who have to play russian roulette for love is very cool.
But, as I said, I'm lucky. I can say we're done here, right now.