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some dysphoria stuff, weird existential things, some sex talk, some brainworms too yay
I don't think my dream self matches my day self sometimes.I am pretty fem-shaped IRL and it's weird that in my dreams sometimes I'll be kinda ... a guy? sometimes I have dreams where I even use the bottom parts I am trying to get rid of for sex things?
I always wake up feeling weird, like maybe I'm repressing some secret thing about myself. I hear about other people dreaming in their identified gender and with their ideal body even and such and so it always puzzles me that my dreams are sometimes just stuck in "guy mode." I've been kind of envious in the past of it.
It's easy to say "it's just a dream," and I'm happy with who I am when I look in the mirror (compared to the alternative), but there's just these lingering doubts that I have sometimes like "maybe I'm not really trans and instead I'm just traumatized by my first romantic relationship and that led to me having wires crossed and suddenly wanting to be her." That line of thinking is something my (at the time) unsupportive mother said when I first came out, and if I'm honest I don't think I've ever really dealt with it. I feel like I'm so close to disproving it ... like there's something in there that seems fishy but I can't quite get a solid foundation for it.
Most days I'm happy with who I am but I just feel like there's just this little pain that comes up every so often when I have these dreams. I don't know how to deal with it.
spoiler
Before transitioning I had dreams where I innately knew I was myself and a woman, without that having any effect on the actual dream.Sometimes dreams are profound
On the other hand I had a dream last night where a lover assisted me to self suck and my body bent into an unnatural ouroboros that started spinning and spinning until it produced a beam of rainbow light and I gained enlightenment.
So sometimes dream are a little silly.
spoiler
If you want to be trans, you are~I dont always have boobs in my dreams but Ive had them in real life for a long time. I sometimes use my bottom parts for that kind of dream too.
spoiler
For what it's worth, I have similar dreams and fantasies. Never involved sex or anything. But I don't think it's a symptom of anything more than "this is what your brain was used to thinking yourself as for your whole childhood"??