Fuck AI

This is technically accurate for me.

I was asked to use Claude Code more at work, but the project is on a tight timeline and I was concerned it would just slow me down… so I set it up with a different git worktree (basically the same git repo, but a different directory, and I can access its commits without needing to push its changes to a remote branch) running in a Docker container with the volume mounted to minimize possible system impact, and instructed it to make commits as it goes.

I did a few things to largely automate this and allow me to focus on my own work. I use conventional commits and have a post commit git hook that shares tests and specs I’ve written with it (basically branching off its latest commit, cherry picking from my own branch, then sending Claude a message telling it to merge my changes in). When all the tests are working, I do something similar but with my committed to-do file. I normally wouldn’t commit that file but I would be updating it anyway, so it’s not much extra work to add an extra commit now and then.

Otherwise I basically let it do its own thing. I think it’s up to 15 sub-agents, nearly a thousand commits, and tens of thousands of lines of code changed.

Compared to what I’ve written, that’s definitely 90% of the total code, in terms of lines changed, number of commits, etc..

To be fair, I’m not using any of the code that it writes, but my metrics are fantastic.

They might be too good, honestly. I gave a talk internally last week about my Claude Code workflow (it went well, but I did have to repeatedly mute one guy who noticed that my branch visualization only had merges into the Claude branches and they never made their way back into main) and I got a bonus (nothing huge, just some RSUs worth low six figures that vest in two years), plus my boss’s boss’s boss was impressed and suggested I be promoted to CAO. That stands for “Chief AI Officer,” and yes, it apparently is a real thing - or will be, once the board approves my requested eight figure annual compensation package.

(If you’ve gotten this far and are upset that I’m wasting tons of energy and water, you should be aware that 1. The statistics about water and energy usage on an individual level, even in cases like this one, are largely speculative and over-inflated; the most reliable statistics I’ve seen suggest that my usage is on par with driving to a restaurant once per month and eating a single cheeseburger, so to compensate I’ve cut one cheeseburger and one trip per month out, and 2. This is satire.)