Y'know, when I signed up for this back in June I had grand plans for some grand writeup on the domestically produced unmagnified gunsights of Cuba. I had collected images and info and sources but I lost sight of it as life stuff happened and my time for the trans mega snuck up on me.
Que sera sera.
Anyways, today felt like the first whisper (you have no idea how hard I just thought about the ideal word for this metaphor) of autumn and that put me in the mood for one of my favorite autumnal albums. More Constant Than the Gods by SubRosa is a really lovely doom? sludge? metal album. I like how big it sounds. The lead vocalist is a really talented lady, and its got violins, also the lyrics talk about dying and stuff and I'm into that. Its very fall-y to me, as is Standard Time Volume 1 by Wynton Marsalis, but for extremely different reasons.
The funny thing is that, like the poster of the previous mega it is also my 5th transiversary, I started HRT half a decade ago today (ok technically it was the 17th but I'm gonna count it since thats when I started writing this). Now, I don't think that taking HRT was what made me "officially trans", rather it was the degree of self acceptance required to get to that point. It's a long story, and one I prefer to share privately, but it took a very, very long time before my fear and desperation gave me the strength to allow myself to have this. I think it all turned out pretty well, I experience existence in much higher fidelity, I'm this whole person, along with everything that entails.
I feel very blessed to be transgender.
I hope you all stay safe and have a good, or atleast tolerable week.
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As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
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I don't wanna brag about [EXPUNGED] so I'm not going to brag about [EXPUNGED]
In unrelated news, I'm no longer with my parents! Kinda cruel to be happy about it since my mom was crying but like I was nearing my limit. Literally. My emergency hormone supllies were running out.
........
I feel so overwhelmingly alone
doom and gloom
I had 2 DAYS of feeling happy before my brain is seemingly switching back into depressive mode. If I have bipolar disorder or something this shit is so fucking unbalanced.Look at me pointlessly screaming into the void of the megathread. Literally nome of this matters. I don't care if die and now I'm fucking crying like a bktcg.
spoiler
That's how depression always is for me too. Last few days I've felt amazing, normal, exactly how I want to be normally. The week before was hell. It's just up and down and up and down and it's exhausting. Idk if it's bipolar, at least in my case I don't think the highs are ever like mania though.I always look for your comments :meow-hug: and feel less alone in my suffering.
It's going to be okay. Leaving the nest is a big step and takes a lot of adjustment. A big positive is that you can be yourself and really make your space your own now.