I had insurance at the time of the stop, but I had changed carriers to bundle with home insurance and forgot to download their app. Whatever. I was able to figure out who my insurance carrier was during the stop and navigate to their website, but the cop said "we're past that" because he'd already written me up (and probably also saw the M on my license). Again, whatever.

A month later I show the clerk of court my insurance card... but little did I know it wasn't valid, because my insurance has effective date periods of 6 months and my card showed a date range after the stop. But they said it was fine at the courthouse! They said I was done, I didn't need to do anything else. I only found out that it was invalid later, but I thought I was done and wasn't looking for more mail from the county! So, by the time I saw the letter it was too late to present proof of insurance. Fucking, whatever.

So then I had a court date set up, and I'd have to appear under my deadname and try to pass as a man despite my chest being pretty hard to hide at this point, but fucking whatever I can handle the humiliation. I went through the trouble of printing out physical copies of everything too, so I could present it to the judge and we could get this dismissed. I even picked up a basic outfit I thought was masc enough so I could be all presentable for the court (and hopefully they'd not rule against me.)

And I've been so scared, because technically they could take my license for this if they decide I need to be taught a lesson or something. I've been panicking in preparation for this court date for months. Random outbursts of crying, self harm, etc. I even rode my bicycle 32 miles to and from work to see if I could survive without a license (conclusion: maybe??? it'd be hard as hell!).

And somehow, after all this fucking effort and all that panic, I misread the date. I thought it was on the 8th, not that it was in August. All my preparation was for nothing, I failed at every single step of this debacle and had to pay like $500 in fines and fees. I decided not to appeal, because fuck this shit I don't want to do this anymore I am fucking done.

Didn't lose my license though! So, I'll survive this. I just feel so humiliated for making this series of extremely simple errors that I could have avoided with even a second more attention at any point in the process. I could have immediately downloaded the correct app or (even better) requested ID cards, I could have checked my mail and would have seen I needed to provide more documentation, I could have read the court date more carefully - over and over and over I failed to do even the most basic tasks.

The brain damage from my bike accident years ago must be worse than I thought. I guess I need to keep a journal or something, maybe look for some apps or something, holy shit, this could have killed me! I've been so miserable for most of the year and have spiraled up and down the mental health rabbit hole because of this nightmare. But. I endure. $500 poorer, but this didn't kill me.