this post was submitted on 10 Aug 2023
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Oh, be fair, lots of men still beat their wives and suppress their emotions.
Tru tru, likely cos they wanna harken to a century ago when it was practically the law
Well, some probably. But also, humans are often violent. It's pretty hardwired in. And some men are wired to be more violent than others unfortunately. That's before we even get into cycles of abuse and all that environmental stuff. Like, the 1920s were three generations ago. Not excusing them at all, but lots of men are dealing with generational trauma that easily goes back further than that.
As a trans woman who spent a lot of her life as a violent man, I have some perspective on this.
The tendency to blow up and hit things? Those are panic attacks. Men don't like to think of themselves as having sissy emotional problems and so they just try to stubbornly power through their panic by yelling and hitting things, but like, a good cry really fucking helps you know? Meds too! Take a break, get some fresh air, take some deep breaths, fix your makeup, it's going to be okay. No need to break shit.
Excuses. Trauma can cause aberrant behaviour, true, but unless your moral center is corrupted by toxic beliefs, you will recognise those behaviours as wrong and feel bad about it. The types of people who think the dynamic pictured in the OP are standard have either been raised with or have discovered and adopted an ideology of patriarchy, that presents such "wife bad" mentality as morally good.
So yes, you may have anger issues or problems with violence because of trauma, but you will still feel remorse because you now it's wrong. Or, on the other hand, you may simply believe that such violence and domination is the natural social order and thus be a toxic scumbag.
The toxic beliefs that are taught are part of the trauma. Certainly not an excuse, no, but good to be aware of if we want to help people break the cycle.
As far as the whole "sleep on the couch" thing, I don't tend to think grown adults should be telling one another where they're allowed to sleep just because one of them is upset, but that's a different topic.
Sorry i punched you in the face, i thought it was okay because daddy did it
Pretty much...
Excuses
Explanations aren't excuses, and without explanations we can't fix the problem. Villainizing can be useful and certainly feels good but it doesn't accomplish much else.
If you're looking at this pic and thinking it describes a normal relationshio dynamic, yeah, it's being used as an excuse.
If you look through my comments in this thread you'll see that nowhere have I said anything like that. In fact at one point I said that neither adult in a relationship should get to dictate where the other person sleeps.
I know you didn't. I'm not accusing you.