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this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2024
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Every time this happens, I am reminded of this Pulitzer prize-winning article.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html
It can happen to anyone, but a large majority will never believe that. It's a heart-rending situation.
Ah that article, that scared me shitless when I first read it while my wife was pregnant. A single "oops" that really doesn't just fuck a person up, it ruins their entire life.
If you ever accidentally left food in the microwave for a few hours, this could be you with children.
Anyways here's the archive org link since the primary link is paywalled.
https://web.archive.org/web/20240617002402/https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html
Thinks back to the time I made a giant russet baked potato and forgot about it until the same time the next day when I reheated something from the fridge and wondered why it was still cold after several minutes on high… only to find the dried remains of a flayed potato hiding underneath a paper towel. I set the second plate on top of it without even realizing it was still in there.
My microwave is on top of my freezer, and I have mixed them up before
One of the many reasons I will not be having children. I forget my tea steeping like 80% of the time. I don't need a life in my hands
I hear you, but as a fellow scatterbrain, the solution is that your shoe goes next to the car seat before you load it. Or something else, but a shoe is pretty hard to forget.
"I'm sorry, officer, you see, this person on the Internet told me to put something important with the baby so I wouldn't forget it, so I gave it my car keys, and now they're both locked in the car!"
Just have the baby drive to a mechanic!
We just have a mirror on the rear headrest. That way anytime I look in the rear view mirror I see her.
Aren't mirrors not recommended because of the potential hazard of them shattering and piercing baby in a car accident? It's why I don't have one; I wonder if that's why these other parents didn't, either
It doesn't have to be a glass mirror. Any reflective material is fine and that can be done on fairly soft material. But yes, the hazard is a harder mirror becoming an additional projectile in a car crash a whacking the baby in the face.
I've lost count of how many times. Now we have a microwave with a reminder beep that keeps going off every minute or so until you open the door. Best feature ever.
Having gone through what is essentially sleep deprivation torture when raising twins, I believe this and the guilt would be unimaginable.
A friend was taking a walk with her daughter, she called her from the other side of the street. She didn't see the car coming though. The daughter ran over the street and was killed by the car.
She couldn't see the car, because the parked cars were bigger and blocked the view.
An unfortunate accident, but she never got over it. It's been 30 years, but she's as devastated as before.
Yep, done reading this thread.
That's horrible. Can't even imagine.
From the bottom of my soul, FUCK big cars. Our cars are so much bigger than they need to be, and they legitimately ruin lives with their size and blindspots.
"I don't want to risk anything in my large truck. I want everyone else take the risk for me."
This is like a dark intro into game theory.
You would not believe the downvotes I've gotten for saying this exact thing. I'm not a parent, but I do take the time to really consider what having to care for an infant would be like. I have been sleep deprived (edit: though, nowhere near the level of a new parent) so I perfectly understand how you could unintentionally cause the death of your kid. I think the hypothetical I gave was something like
I know the terror I feel from that little hypothetical, I can't believe it doesn't hit close to home with actual parents too. And then, to be held socially - even if not legally - liable on top of your own guilt... an awful, horrible, soul-chilling situation to contemplate. I wish there were more compassion for new parents, I'd bet it's more common than we think that parents' bodies just shut down from the strain.
I thought I understood the sleep deprivation until I became a dad. The part most people don't account for is the chronic nature of it. It's not 1 night, or even a few, it's weeks and months of it. It's also combined with having your hormones thrown for a loop (yes, men too!). It jams your brain in ways you would never expect.
It's so easy to screw up that badly that I'm amazed at how infrequent it actually is.
I am actually in my big sleep deprivation peak with the second one, and I thought I knew better after the first one, but there is just no breaks.
6:30 am to 8:00 pm every single day of the week, and then trying to catch up the house chores and anything we've missed during the weekend.
Then, people have the gall to tell me I should be all fresh when I have one morning in months where I don't have to wake up at 6:30. Motherfucker, I haven't really slept a full night in months, it's not one night that will fix it all.
Modern society isn't compatible with parenthood.
We are supposed to be in walkable cities and not forced to labor away for an entire 1/3 of most days just so someone else can buy a yacht.
I would believe it. People here are absolute fucking idiots about situations they think they would be perfect in, and never understand how mistakes/sleep deprivation/routine disruption happen.
It's like the adage about security: blue has to get it right every single day, red has to get it right once.
A lot of people just don't seem to experience empathy as deeply as some of us.
Sleep deprivation is no joke and doesn't take many nights at all. A while back, the worst upstairs neighbors on the planet woke me every night, multiple times a night. My cognitive function definitely suffered.
I hope those neighbors are miserable wherever they ended up. They deserve it. I asked them multiple times with decreasing politeness to not slam doors or fling objects around at 3 AM.
I was going to be dropping my son off at daycare before work (something I usually didn't do), and my normal routine was to stop at Wawa for breakfast. I stopped, got out, grabbed my breakfast, got back in, and only then remembered that he was in the back. He had been VERY uncharacteristically quiet prior, and I was tired, and I just... forgot he was in the back.
It caused absolutely no harm (I was only in the Wawa for 5-10 min), but it was a very sobering moment. I can definitely understand how it happens.
Piggybacking your comment to say that this kinda shit would happen a lot less if we had mandatory maternity/paternity leave.
One of these things can be changed. The other cannot.
In this case, I look forward to our bicycle powered future
To a much less serious degree it happened to me/my daughter. Brought her in one winter in her car seat and set her down next to my bed with her coat still on. Instantly fell asleep on the bed for at least an hour. When I came to she was drenched in sweat. Obviously panicked and got her out but she seemed unfazed, stretched a little, and went back to sleep. Still feel bad years later.
I'm reminded of this short story
Thank you for the read. It's an imperfect world and these people have to live with their guilt for the rest of their lives.
One of many great reasons to raise your kids car-free.
Ah yes! That way my kid can definitely die of hyperthermia in my arms walking 5 miles to the grocery in 100°F instead of almost certainly not dying in my car.
Lol this doesn’t happen.
Edit: just Google child heat stroke—the cases all involve kids trapped in vehicles. Heat stroke for young, healthy people in the outdoor environment is not difficult to avoid. It usually occurs when people are forced to do intense physical labor without rest. It’s not happening while you’re walking with your kid to school or daycare or whatever.
Cars are much more dangerous to children than walking is. There is a mountain of evidence to support this.