The rhinoceros beetle says “check this slab of HOT bug SEX sitting before you upon a stick. My stick. No one else may perch upon my throne, my lair, my kingdom, lest they be smote upon the ground like so much errant detritus. I am a fucking god.” Sex appeal is weird across the animal kingdom.
Fun fact, it’s difficult to OD on LSD. Moreover, breaching the threshold for a strong trip yields nearly the same length of stay in wonderland as twice that amount. LSD has major diminishing returns.
I’ve never seen this before, it was entertaining. Particularly the part where everyone started hallucinating and then died.
Not gonna lie, if someone said that about me, I’d probably start crying. This guy lives in a reality so utterly malicious and repugnant that even minor jokes about him breach social decorum. Jesus
I dunno, I’d give it the benefit of the doubt. It might just be an incredibly niche topic, like a poor prognosis for early onset schizophrenia in adopted women of color.
(And yes, you can hit me with the schizophrenia fun facts)
My gym teacher discovered a melanoma that would otherwise have taken my life at a mere six years old. I’m confounded by the idea that only astronauts should be spared sickness. I owe my health to his daily suppositories.
In the nineties? He’s living in the sixties, looking to bring us back to the twenties and thirties.
Every bug has a job! Fruit flies consume the yeast on rotting fruit and their larvae consume the fruit itself, broadening the distribution of plant matter. Dragonflies voraciously consume all flying insects, but particularly slow flying ones like mosquitos, while their nymphs do the same in the water, controlling populations to avoid collapse. Scorpions sit inside your shoes and sting you to remind you to check your shoes for scorpions.
Penis inspection day at school used to be so innocent.
Anon hired a decent lawyer who argued that the seizure was frivolous and antagonistic. The court agreed, but by the time his guns were released, they had all converted to Islam, Christianity, Hinduism, and Linux.
Creator’s vehemently against it. Has been for 30 years
Panel 1: Prince Charming in all his regalia pursues Cinderella as she crests the stairs and rounds a corner. “Don’t go” he yells after her.
Panel 2: He stops at the bottom of the staircase and mumbles to himself in defeat. “No…”
Panel 3. Prince Charming, doused in sweat, peers toward the steps and notices a single glass slipper set on its side. “Hmm” he says to himself, “this is…” he trails off.
Panel 4: the background disappears and we focus entirely upon his face. His expression exudes focus.
Panel 5: The young royal stands at attention, facing away from the steps. Upon his right foot, the glass slipper now sits. “Perfect” he finishes.
Trying a picture to text transcription. Will fix it later, if there are any errors
I have a story that my father told me. It happened to him when I was a highscooler.
> be my father
›live in two storey house
›bedrooms are upstairs, livingroom, kitchen and computer room are downstairs
›nice neighbourhood, but had some unexplained thefts, nothing serious
›sleeping peacefully, when something wakes you up
>look at clock, it's 3 am
>suddenly, stairs creak
›wooden stairs, they creak under weight
>hear it again, just a second, like someone walks step by step or something low weight
›dogs and cats are definately outside
›at this point eyes are open and listening
›see a flash of light coming from the stairs (doors have glass parts)
>hear the creaking again, then one more flash
>finally decides to check it out, can't go back to sleep anyway
>go out of the door, try to reach for the light switch when suddenly a creak
>glance toward stairs in reflex
›see something humanoid on all fours, limbs all twisted, one "hand" grasping a step, holding something in the other
>lock eyes for a second, frozen in fear
>when the thing slightly moves, jump back into room
›run around like a madman, looking for anything that can be used as a weapon
>nothing there, picks up a fucking chair
›storms out, ready to pummel even a tank with the chair
>except there is nothing
>mom is up too at this point, check the house as quiet as possible, so the kids won't wake up
>find nothing, even with lights on
>go back to sleep
He told me next day, asked if I heard anything. I said I didn't, and maybe he just had a nightmare, since mom didn't hear or saw anything. The truth is, I did hear and see everything. You know, I had a curfew at 10 pm, but my parents went to bed before that, so I played some game and finished at 3 am. I used my phone as a light source, only when needed, and went on all fours, because I thought distributing the weight might ease down the creaking. I thought I will die when dad looked at me, but when he went back, I bolted back to my room and pretended I was asleep.
>Be me working at gamestop
>parent asks for a game called "cod"
>tell her there is no game called "cod" but her son probably meant "Rapala pro bass fishing"
there are lots of fish in that game and the closest we have
>have ton of copies in the back
>we have a deal on, if you buy 2 copies you get 1 free
>she buys three brand new copies of this game
>she comes back after christmas
>all three copies have been opened
>no refund because you opened them
>a kid out there received 3 copies of a fucking fishing game for Christmas
>fixing notebook for a ~70 years old lady
>comes, pays, asks about gaming tier GPUs for her desktop
>little took back I inquire about the price range and what
games, solitaire, sudoku, puzzle games...
>nope, I play the Assasin
>Assassin's creed?
>yes, on my grandsons console, I just love Venice
>she pauses
>and killing people
>be me
>biohacker focused on male vitality
>spend years optimizing my life style diet and sleep
>Ice baths
>gigachad testosterone levels achieved
>read some estrogen is absorbed by the man during sex through vaginal fluids
>read orgasm increases prolactin levels which makes people take on nurturing roles
>stop having sex with wife
>stop taking care of son
>testosterone goes up 21 points
>Deep sleep improves and pulse lowers
>wife won't talk to me
>son cries a lot and grades dropped
>told son to meditate to regulate his amygdala to avoid his prefrontal cortex from shutting down
How do you anons deal with the ever growing attacks on masculinity?
Anonymous 01/04/14(Sat) 17:46 UTC-5 No. 40237147
>Go see some horror movie years ago with a friend at midnight.
>Theater is empty except some black woman up front.
>she starts yelling.
>"NAW DONT GO IN THERE"
>"WHY YOU DO THAT"
>I yell back "TELL HER"
>"YEAH SEE THIS BOI GETS IT"
>"YEAH I GET IT"
>later, a person dies from being decapitated, the woman screams.
>"OOOOH DAYUM"
>yell back.
>"DO YOU THINK SHE'S DEAD"
>"HOW THE FUCK YOU GON LIVE WITH NO HEAD"
>"I DONT KNOW MAYBE AN AMBULANCE WILL COME"
>"THEY IN THE FUCKIN WOODS"
Linda would have played it. And won.