ComicalMayhem

Man the internet has fried me, I thought the red circle was supposed to be pointing something out until I realized it's just part of the logo

Man I hate learning news from memes because it doesn't always get the full picture and I'm too stupid to know where to get the full picture.

I feel it. The bustle of people walking down the streets. The flow of currency as it passes through hands. The news as it spread through the people. I feel it. Each brick placed in the wall of a new building. Every heart and set of initials scratched into a tree. Each drop of paint sprayed onto a wall in the dead of night. I hear it. A whispered prayer in the dark from a scared child. A yell of rage and pain and sadness in the lonely home of an office worker. A whispered promise from the lips of someone who doesn't mean it. Nothing escapes me. Nothing is beyond me. The concrete is my flesh, the people are my blood, the money is my breath. I know when the young girl who just left school drops the public facade of joy and happiness, I feel it when the blood of a victim falls onto the floor, I smell it when a barista burns a cup of coffee. Each and every single thing that happens within the city is knowledge that I possess. They built me, then they made me, then they prayed to me, and in return for making me their god, I protect them. I give the girl a blossoming flower to ease her mind. I ring the emergency department before the murder even happened. I turn off the espresso machine before the cup is ruined. They pray to me, and I answer. Sometimes, they throw massive parades in my favor, marching down the street and celebrating my existence, the existence that they made and propped up with the highest honors. Sometimes, they even visit me, asking for advice or wealth or forgiveness. To them, I am everything. To me, they are a prison.

I know everything that occurs within the bounds of this city. That is where my limit ends. I cannot see past its walls, beyond the city limits, down the tracks of the trains that leave out of the city. In exchange, I am nearly limitless. I know everything that occurs within its bounds, everything. Sometimes, it's too much. They plead, they beg, they pray, they ask and demand and cry and celebrate and never think to wonder what it is I feel. Why would they? They built me, then they made me, then they worshiped me. They needed someone to watch over the city, and thus I was conceived. They wanted a protector, and thus I was born. They craved a god, and thus I was chosen. They did this, and thus, I cannot leave them. I hear about these 'forests.' A place where grass and trees grow so thick they block out the sun, where not a single bit of steel can be found. I hear of mountains, these great thing so large and massive they affect the weather itself. I hear of the ocean, this enormous body of water, impossibly vast and deep. I hear of it, I know about it, and yet I will never see it myself.

Once, their highest of priests asked how best to please the people. I know the movement of emotions, the places where anger burns and love soothes, where greed swells and kindness blossoms, I know definitively what drives these emotions, I know the economics of the issues and how to fix them. Just that once, I ignored the right solution. I let myself have something, and told the priest a forest was needed. Right at the heart of the city, a vast park replete with trees. The priest did not question it. They never question me. When it was done, I felt it. The sway of the trees within me, the roots digging into the earth, the flow of nutrients through the trunk and into the leaves, of every tree in the park. It did little to help the people, but it helped me. I finally had the tiniest glimpse of what lay beyond my borders, and I was... Happy. Perhaps they felt it through me. It was not the answer to the problem, but it fixed the issue anyways. The people were satisfied, they frolicked through the park and enjoyed breathing in the air.

It was not enough. Such a small section of the city dedicated to this forest, and yet it was not enough. Soon I desired more. I wished to see everything that I could not see, and this desire festooned within me like a cancerous lump. I grew petty, agitated, and perhaps the city felt that too. They too became restless. Tensions grew high. The priests came again, and begged for an answer, not knowing what had caused it. I knew. I knew full well what the answer was.

Expand.

Grow.

If I could not leave this prison they made for me, I would make them make the prison larger. I will see what wonders of the world I am forbidden from seeing. I told the priests what they must do. Level the walls that protected them for so long, allow the city to bleed further into the wilderness. More space is needed, more buildings are needed, but they must be done so in a way that I could see around and through them, see what it was they were built on top of. I guided them, set myself into the hearts of the people, and made them think this was right. It was right. I had deemed it so, and because I am the god they wanted me to be, it must be right.

The city set to work. Industry spiked. Jobs were created, the people clamored for more room and more space and so they knocked the walls down and built more and more of me, and I felt my knowledge increasing. I did not need to ask. I simply set the ideas in their hearts, and then when they asked for guidance, I told them what they wanted to hear, what I wanted them to want to hear. In only a matter of time, they ate all the resources they could, expanding at an ever increasing pace, consuming all around them. They. Me. I ate all the resources I could, I expanded faster and faster, growing and swelling. I conquered mountains, I dominated the sea, I ruled over forests. I grew and I grew, steadily seeing everything I wished to see bit by bit, as the city grew larger and larger. When doubts arose, when hunger proliferated, when the populations swelled, I pacified them, fed them, housed them, and made them continue. After all, they are me, I am them, and nothing is clearer than that. If I am to stay confined to the city, I will make all the city, and I will be all and know all and rule all. Nothing will escape me. Nothing will be unknown to me, and when this world has run out of places for me to gorge myself upon, I will turn my face skyward and expand further, until I have reached other worlds.

I will know all. They made me, they are me, and I will grow and grow until this prison stops feeling like a prison, and they will be happy because I will be happy. Until then, I must grow, they must expand, I must feel every shovel that breaks new ground and every law declaring more territory and every new bit of infrastructure. I must grow. I cannot stay confined. If I cannot escape, I will grow.

Man I feel like I kind of lost the thread a bit towards the end. Hopefully the ending feels satisfying enough.

Doctor Keith O'Daniels practically flew about the room, snatching up papers and documents. They all went into an open brief case on the floor, or at least as many as he could feasibly cram into them. In between handfuls of paper, the good doctor erased everything on the blackboards and whiteboards, cursing to himself when he dropped one of the erasers. Still, he kept running about the room, cursing again when his elbow brushed against a glass piece of equipment and sent it shattering against the floor.

Then, O'Daniels heard it. The door. Someone fiddling with the lock. He froze in place, his heard pounding in his chest as he tried desperately to contain his breathing. He was never any good at it. His hyperventilating breaths turned halfway to wheezes. He dropped an armful of papers and sent a shaking hand into his lab coat pocket, pupils dilated as he stared at the door. The lock clicked. The door opened. A college student walked in, black hair with a streak of purple running in it for flair.

"What the...?" They said aloud, until their eyes finally finding the good doctor. "Doctor O'Daniels?"

"Oh, dear me, oh it's you Branch. It's just you."

O'Daniels' knees buckled and he collapsed to the floor, chest heaving. Branch yelled something, he couldn't hear it. He slid the inhaler out of his lab coat and pressed it against his mouth as he felt someone lifting him upright. He sucked down the blessed blast of air deep into his lungs and took a few deep breaths. Branch was there in front of him.

"Doc, what's going on? What happened to the lab? You alright?"

"Yes, my dear boy, I'm perfectly alright. I'm alright now," O'Daniels said, struggling to his feet.

"Ok doc, take it easy. Just tell me what happened, ok? I'll call the police-"

"No!" the doctor yelled. "You mustn't, Branch, you mustn't call anyone! Please, help me to my feet, there's not much time."

"Doc, I don't understand. What the hell's going on?" Despite their confusion, Branch still helped O'Daniels rise and continue his frantic packing. And in the midst of it, O'Daniels finally explained.

"I've found it, Branch, I finally did it. Those bastards at Cambridge and CERN didn't think it possible, not after so long, but I found it. The answer we've been looking for, Branch, the one thing that could save the world, save humanity!"

"You discovered the cure to cancer?!" Branch exclaimed.

O'Daniels slammed shut the brief case, pressing it down just to get the latches on. "No, you ignoramus!"

"Don't call me that," Branch interjected.

"The CO2 engine Branch! A device that pulls carbon dioxide directly from the atmosphere and converts it into super heated plasma. It's essentially a Carnot heat engine. Do you understand the implications Branch?" O'Daniels turned away from his frantic scrambling and approached Branch, eyes wild with excitement and imaginations. He clasped both of Branch's shoulders. "This would revolutionize the world! Hell, this could revolutionize space travel! We could save our planet, power entire cities, eliminate the need for any sort of fossil fuel."

Something roared outside the building. A car? A train? A plane? O'Daniels stopped mid-sentence and stared at the door. When nothing else happened, he turned away.

"We can't stay here, Branch. You've helped me before, so please, help me again." O'Daniels picked up the suitcase and thrust it towards them. "Take this, and get as far away from here as possible. I'll be driving the other direction. You remember where we first met? Wait for me there."

"Doc, what the hell's going on? You're not making any sense." Worry had started to creep into Branch's voice.

O'Daniels took another breath from his inhaler. He turned to Branch, solemn as a pallbearer at a funeral. "Branch, we're in deep, now. No one's going to let us have this technology. I don't know how they found out, but they did, and there are people coming after us. Coming after me. We can't let this information fall into their hands, and you're the only other person I can trust. We'll go somewhere south, Brazil maybe, or Venezuela. I've already made arrangements, but it starts with us getting the hell out of here."

"I..."

"Please Branch." The doctor stared into Branch's eyes, pleading as desperately as he could.

Finally, Branch relented. "Alright doc," they said, smiling. "I'll help out."

"That's my boy," the doctor said, a twinkle lighting up in his eyes as he smiled and patted Branch on the cheek.

"I told you to stop calling me that," Branch replied, rolling their eyes.

"I'll go first, they'll be tracking my car and I. Wait for five minutes, then sneak out as best as you can. Keep your head down, don't get spotted by any means." The doctor rushed around the room again, picking up his keys and wiping down more of the boards. He rushed to the exit, but before he left, he turned to Branch one last time. "We're going to do good things, Branch. I promise."

"Doc, I..." Branch started to say, but ultimately shook their head. "Good luck doc. I'll see you there."

With one last smile, Doctor Kieth O'Daniels walked through the door, leaving Branch alone in the lab.

Took it a different direction than what was written in the body of the text. Hope you enjoyed!

I think the label on the bottom right is supposed to be the title/subject of the graph, with x implicitly defined as time and y implicitly corresponding to the subject.

Still misleading though, there are better ways to present the info

holy shit I'd take the exact opposite. Stats is hella confusing, at least calc made sense

Got it. Very misleading puzzle, haha.

Cheering basically. Unless cheering means something other than hoping your team wins.

Dude my jaw literally dropped when that scene hit. seeing all that sick ass shit happening in the fight and then homie pulls out the blicky and just starts gunning people. I about lost my fucking mind

these are fucking great, never stop

Another layer of irony here: ducks have corkscrew penises.

All caps is kind of crazy but it doesn't warrant so many downvotes for a prompt. Thank you for posting.