Chapotraphouse

Ya'll ever feel like learning theory does to your brain what Lovecraftian eldritch horror is meant to do?

Naw, reality does that part, theory just allows you to see it

I don't know if I'm just disassociating or becoming more socially reclusive as I get older, but I get more disappointed in people the more theory I read. I pick up more and more on imperialist stuff they say, or latent bigotries, or how they can't seem to say anything sympathetic about the homeless. It's nearly everyone I meet unless they're a self-identified leftist but even leftists sometimes still do it.

I probably do it too and I don't even notice, which is probably the most horrifying aspect of all. I can't even trust myself to be free of the ideological poison that permeates everything, but I certainly see it in others and I hate it. I hate seeing it when people turn glass eyed and spout off some propaganda embedded within them or something homophobic or transphobic and it's just depressing. People often have such an energy and a life, they have their own pursuits and what they want to live for, but their brains are actively being choked by capitalism and living in the first world that they can't help themselves. They offload their brains to the superstructure, because that's all they know.

The most insidious aspect is the lack of trust I often feel. Like you have to know an exceptionally generous person or have an established history for them to help you do stuff like run errands or maybe drive you somewhere or whatever else. Chronic or long term favors are to be established, not just the default. It's even worse with coworkers because I have a good relationship with a lot of mine. A lot of them are good people and I've done tons of favors for them and they've done so for me as well. I have no idea how our relationship would change once money gets involved. Would they try to compete with me for a promotion? Would this sour everything between us? I have no idea. Would they treat me differently if I were their subordinate? Again, no idea and it's horrifying to consider. I'm here imagining situations in which people I know have their humanity stripped from them in service of some irrational, abstract thing that has tendrils in all of us.

Yeah it's pretty eldritch

Yeah...

Tell your average lib about dependency theory and Eurocentrism and they'll think you've gone mad, or be like "yes that's true and it's good actually".

I've been reading a lot of Frantz Fanon and Samir Amin lately.

I personally love that feeling of clarity and dread that comes with reading a good dose of theory. When everything clicks into place and you can see the monstrosity of capitalism animating everything from behind the veil of normalcy. Makes me feel better knowing I'm living in a horror novel.

Lovecraft became less fascist when he got older

Isn't this just the plot of They Live?

Have I got the essay for you: https://ianwrightsite.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/marx-on-capital-as-a-real-god-2/

I tried reading SCP-3125 but I think I'm too high