this post was submitted on 15 Jan 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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drop your childhood stories:
>be me, age 12
>hate showering more than anything
>it feels gross and i hate getting wet
>my mom starts telling me that if i don't shower every day then i can't eat dinner
>i want my dindin so i come up with a genius plan
>let the shower run for 10-15 minutes while i sit in the bathroom
>quickly wet my hair with sink
>mom buys it, i get dindin
>after a month she gets suspicious
>realize i have to step up my game
>now i run the shower and rub my arms/neck with hand soap
>also run my hair under the shower so it's dripping wet and not just moist
>she asks why i haven't asked her to buy shampoo yet
>come up with final version of my genius plan
>i'll stand next to the shower, let the water run, rub soap on my whole body and also use shampoo on my hair so it smells like shampoo
>then i'll rinse off in the sink
>all while the shower runs

i did this for four years until i realized i was just showering on hard mode

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[–] sbv@sh.itjust.works 228 points 2 years ago (5 children)

Kids are great. Mine spend 5-10 minutes refusing to do a two minute task.

Kind of like how I spend three or four days avoiding a ten minute phone call.

[–] qevlarr@lemmy.world 28 points 2 years ago (4 children)

"dinner is ready in two minutes"

Two minutes later, dinner ready

"but I just started a new game!"

🙄

[–] OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.ml 17 points 2 years ago

Don't accept that lol

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[–] Hikermick@lemmy.world 110 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

This is a right of passage. Growing up there are times when you find out that the easy way to go about doing something is the way your parents were trying to pound into your head all along

[–] stevestevesteve@lemmy.world 70 points 2 years ago (2 children)
[–] Hikermick@lemmy.world 23 points 2 years ago
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[–] Baines@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago (2 children)

some of ye all were just highly regarded

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[–] webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 94 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

If this isnt fake op may actually be on the spectrum. Washing yourself with the sink Is also called a catwash.

been plenty of times i ve been way to overtimulated to handle a full shower its much more manageable to wash and dry hair and body parts separately one by one.

Op learned what many autistic people do. Inventing an alternative method while masking it into the socially acceptable method.

[–] Jerkface@lemmy.world 74 points 2 years ago (5 children)

It's also called a whore bath. He might just be a whore.

[–] frosty99c@midwest.social 83 points 2 years ago (1 children)

A friend of mine is a non-native English speaker. He teaches at an elementary school and works with 'English as a second language' students. He casually mentioned that he always tells his students to take a 'horse bath' in the bathroom sink after recess if needed. He was traumatized when I told him that he'd misheard that phrase for his entire adult life.

[–] Jerkface@lemmy.world 29 points 2 years ago (1 children)

That story's as spicy as whore's radish!

[–] massive_bereavement@kbin.social 10 points 2 years ago

Well, he shouldn't look a gift whore's mouth.

[–] massive_bereavement@kbin.social 25 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'm a whore expert and concur with this diagnosis.

[–] Default_Defect@midwest.social 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Dad? When are you coming home?

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[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 21 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Reminds me of a snippet of conversation I overheard at the grocery. Kid’s talking to their mom and yells “child prostitution, ever heard of it?” She was pissed.

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[–] guyrocket@kbin.social 65 points 2 years ago (39 children)
[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 10 points 2 years ago

How I feel reading 90% of the stories how anons go through their days.

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[–] Feirdro@lemmy.world 54 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I’m constantly amazed at the variety of possible human sensory differences.

My problem is not spending the whole day in the shower.

[–] jesterkun@midwest.social 26 points 2 years ago (2 children)

The white noise aspect of the shower is amazing. Have you ever turned off the lights and just stood under the water in the dark? It's pretty great, in my opinion.

[–] verysoft@kbin.social 14 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Then you turn the lights back on and the water is thicker and red.

[–] Nepenthe@kbin.social 18 points 2 years ago (1 children)

But on the bright side: not pregnant! 🎉

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[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 8 points 2 years ago (5 children)

It's a trap, you'll be there till the water runs cold, which may be a really long time

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[–] PatFussy@lemm.ee 45 points 2 years ago (2 children)

are you guys that bitch made that saying retarded on a 4chan sub is crossed out

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 40 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Yeah ngl as someone who grew up being called retarded for being autistic I really hate how this word has become a slur.

Like every time people create a word for a specific type of person it becomes a slur. At some point people need to just get the fuck over it.

[–] LwL@lemmy.world 21 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I also just don't get the point of censoring. I don't have any particular feelings about the word retarded, but I'm also autistic. Do I get annoyed when people use autistic as an insult (i hope it never reaches actual slur status because I'll never accept it as such), esp for stuff that has nothing to do with ASD symptoms at all? Sure. Does it make it better if someone crosses it out in a screenshot, or censors it in a quote? Lolno.

[–] smeg@feddit.uk 13 points 2 years ago

Censoring is stupid and people self-censoring just makes me think the user is a child who's scared of being caught saying the naughty words or is just copying what TV does as if they also have to adhere to broadcasting regulations.

A lot of people online don't seem to understand the difference between referencing a word and invoking it. For example, we're in a 4chan community, you should really expect there to be very offensive language in the posts themselves, but we're adults here and we can look at the word "retarded" without thinking that it's OK to use as a slur ourselves.

[–] Anamnesis@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago (6 children)

It was a slur the entire time millennials were growing up. It hasn't not been a slur since...the 70s?

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[–] Brandonb0013@lemmy.world 35 points 2 years ago

I was 75% that... I was just dumb and my parents heard the sink running at the same time and opened the door and confronted me lol.

[–] thorbot@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Anything that starts with "be me" is pretty much universally idiotic, so this is no surprise.

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[–] dangblingus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Also, anon is autistic.

[–] EvolvedTurtle@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

I mean I hated being told to do things so this would 100% be something I would at least consider doing

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago (3 children)

How do you rinse off in the sink?

[–] MxM111@kbin.social 14 points 2 years ago

In hard mode, obviously.

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