this post was submitted on 18 Oct 2026
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[–] robot_dog_with_gun@hexbear.net 51 points 4 days ago

well done, agent 47

[–] MemesAreTheory@hexbear.net 33 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

Ha. Saying that someone was "beaten over the head with symbolism" is an accurate description of events though.

[–] anotherspinelessdem@lemmy.ml 12 points 3 days ago

It was a bit on the nose

[–] RedWizard@hexbear.net 30 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Jesus was s carpenter, he would have never let this happen.

[–] PolandIsAStateOfMind@lemmygrad.ml 11 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

We don't know if he was a good carpenter though.

[–] Super_Lumalo@hexbear.net 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Imagine some random parish having a relic, of a chair made by Jesus that is actually authentic, and it's the worst fucking piece of woodwork you've ever seen.

[–] PolandIsAStateOfMind@lemmygrad.ml 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Plot twist: he recieved huge contract from Romans to make crosses.

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Holy shit what if tho, I want this to be canon

[–] oliveoil@hexbear.net 4 points 3 days ago (1 children)

The politically neutral empire factory worker making weapons of death, only to be killed by then when he speaks up

[–] PolandIsAStateOfMind@lemmygrad.ml 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Sadly Joseph's carpentry business seems to be pretty prosperous since he was wealthy enough to send Jesus to learn from priests, making him the factory (of his time) owner, though we never heard of Jesus anywhere near the business, instead he was spending his time preaching and hanging with buddies (kinda failson lol).

[–] FreddiesLantern@leminal.space 3 points 3 days ago

" I mean holy shit Jesus Christ! You call this furniture? I might as well put a crown of thorns on my head and call it a hat! I want my money back!"

[–] Horse@lemmygrad.ml 30 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

the big man called him home, he can be very insistent


[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 28 points 4 days ago

That hit is brutal as fuck. Those poor congregants

[–] TankieTanuki@hexbear.net 24 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Always practice safe sermons with a hard hat (ANSI Z89.1). beanis

[–] 30_to_50_Feral_PAWGs@hexbear.net 16 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Mass times velocity

[–] FnordPrefect@hexbear.net 23 points 4 days ago (1 children)

That seems so much like it should be frames from Dogma buddy-christ

[–] Feed_el_Castro@hexbear.net 13 points 4 days ago

Dogma ballz lmaooooo

[–] supafuzz@hexbear.net 23 points 4 days ago

Now I have to know if he was diddling the altar boys or stealing tithes or whatever bad priests get up to. Maybe this was one of them bonafide miracles

[–] Lussy@hexbear.net 19 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Please tell me he was some Evangelical hyper chud and not some de las Casas Catholic

[–] Abracadaniel@hexbear.net 11 points 3 days ago

"Priest" precludes the possibility of evangelicalism here.

[–] casskaydee@hexbear.net 10 points 3 days ago (1 children)

It says in the first sentence of the article he was a Catholic priest

[–] Lussy@hexbear.net 3 points 3 days ago

It’s good that one of us knows how to read

[–] Feed_el_Castro@hexbear.net 14 points 4 days ago

Holy shit, that's unlucky. I hope the guy passed quickly and without suffering at least, not the worst way to go if so

[–] cattish@hexbear.net 11 points 4 days ago

Smacked by god herself.

[–] Tiempo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 4 days ago

El día de la bestia

[–] SocialistVibes01@lemmy.ml 4 points 3 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Brain injury or broken neck? It just came to me it could also be a shock induced heart attack.

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 3 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

(Legit, non violent question) Why do you care?

Damn it does looks like broken neck

[–] SocialistVibes01@lemmy.ml 4 points 3 days ago

Just morbid curiosity