this post was submitted on 17 Sep 2026
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Programmer Humor

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[–] queerlilhayseed@piefed.blahaj.zone 289 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (3 children)
-----BEGIN OPENSSH PRIVATE KEY-----  
WhattheAAAAdidyoujustAAAAAAAsayaboutmeyoulittlebitch+IllhaveyouknowIg  
raduatedtopofmyclassintheNavySealsandIvebeeninvolvedinnumeroussecretr  
aidsonAl+QuaedaandIhaveover300confirmedkillsIamtrainedingorillawarfar  
eandImthetopsniperintheentireUSarmedforcesYouarenothingtomebutjustano  
thertargetIwillwipeyoutheAAAAoutwithprecisionthelikesofwhichhasneverb  
eenseenbeforeonthisEarthmarkmyAAAAAAAwordsYouthinkyoucangetawaywithsa  
yingthatshittomeovertheInternet+ThinkagainAAAAAAAswespeakIamcontactin  
gmysecretnetworkofspiesacrosstheUSAandyourIPisbeingtracedrightnowsoyo  
ubetterprepareforthestormmaggotThestormthatwipesoutthepatheticlittlet  
hingyoucallyourlifeYoureAAAAAAAdeadkidIcanbeanywhereanytimeandIcankil  
lyouinoversevenhundredwaysandthatsjustwithmybarehandsNotonlyamIextens  
ivelytrainedinunarmedcombatbutIhaveaccesstotheentirearsenaloftheUnite  
dStatesAAAAAACorpsandIwilluseittoitsfullextenttowipeyourmiserableasso  
ffthefaceofthecontinentyoulittleshitIfonlyyoucouldhaveknownwhatunholy  
retributionyourlittle/clever/commentwasabouttobringdownuponyoumaybeyo  
uwouldhaveheldyourAAAAAAAtongueButyoucouldntyoudidntandnowyourepaying  
thepriceyougoddamnidiotIwillshitfuryalloveryouandyouwilldrowninitYour  
eAAAAAAAdeadkiddo==  
-----END OPENSSH PRIVATE KEY-----  

EDIT: almost forgot to sign it!

Love,
/u/queerlilhayseed

[–] eager_eagle@lemmy.world 101 points 4 days ago (1 children)

hehe you have the word ass in your private key, what are the odds

[–] queerlilhayseed@piefed.blahaj.zone 130 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I insert swears into all my ssh keys so they get censored out by profanity filters. Good luck hacking me now, squares 😎🏍️🛹

[–] Sabata11792@ani.social 40 points 4 days ago

You should put in some Disney lyrics so they issue a takedown request if it leaks.

[–] terranoid@lemmy.cafe 19 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

The == had me wondering for too long

[–] queerlilhayseed@piefed.blahaj.zone 46 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

Haha I started trying to format the text so that it was technically a valid ed25519 key, then it became too much work for a silly joke so I settled for filtering/replacing all the invalid chars and slapping the == padding at the end. Needs more AAAAAA strings to really sell it, I think, but I'm glad it turned out well enough to merit a second glance lol.

Edit: I swapped all instances of fuck|fucker|fucking with As, I think it's an improvement.

[–] Magnum@infosec.pub 16 points 4 days ago (3 children)

It is very good - I will steal it.

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 18 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Now reverse engineer a matching public key.

[–] TwilightKiddy@scribe.disroot.org 5 points 3 days ago (2 children)

What do you mean "reverse engineer"? From man ssh-keygen:

       -y      This option will read a private OpenSSH format file and print an OpenSSH public key to stdout.
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[–] Rusty@lemmy.ca 126 points 4 days ago
[–] KickMeElmo@sopuli.xyz 129 points 4 days ago (3 children)

Is it bad that this bothers me purely because the public key can be derived from the private key, so providing both is unnecessary?

[–] trashman@feddit.org 49 points 4 days ago

I don't geht it. Can you explain it with your key as an example?

[–] one_old_coder@piefed.social 16 points 4 days ago

Not bad, I had the same thought.

[–] NocturnalMorning@lemmy.world 11 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Can you give me your private key so I can understand it better?

[–] glibg10b@lemmy.zip 77 points 4 days ago (5 children)
-----BEGIN OPENSSH PRIVATE KEY-----
b3BlbnNzaC1rZXktdjEAAAAABG5vbmUAAAAEbm9uZQAAAAAAAAABAAAAMwAAAAtzc2gtZW
QyNTUxOQAAACC6BPuFW94rFl033+m7MHTouxkIdEXsilx+sI6Z6Iul7AAAAJAHHAUZBxwF
GQAAAAtzc2gtZWQyNTUxOQAAACC6BPuFW94rFl033+m7MHTouxkIdEXsilx+sI6Z6Iul7A
AAAEAHVmMS+9A6uhD6r6iUAxubrNuS2lx4CPayJ2B4hL8HNroE+4Vb3isWXTff6bswdOi7
GQh0ReyKXH6wjpnoi6XsAAAACHdhbGRvQGhlAQIDBAU=
-----END OPENSSH PRIVATE KEY-----

***
PUBLIC KEY BELOW
***
ssh-ed25519 AAAAC3NzaC1lZDI1NTE5AAAAILoE+4Vb3isWXTff6bswdOi7GQh0ReyKXH6wjpnoi6Xs
[–] floofloof@lemmy.ca 81 points 4 days ago (1 children)

What a coincidence! That's my cat's name.

[–] Aneb@lemmy.world 28 points 4 days ago

I just call her whspsps instead

[–] NocturnalMorning@lemmy.world 35 points 4 days ago

Bit of a mouthful to say, but I'll go with it.

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 21 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] queerlilhayseed@piefed.blahaj.zone 12 points 4 days ago (1 children)

One developer in the whole channel who actually read the requirements smh.

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[–] Newsteinleo@infosec.pub 17 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I'm pretty sure this name is to long form my vets office database.

[–] Cyber@feddit.uk 10 points 4 days ago

Maybe just shorten to b3B'); drop table animals; ?

https://xkcd.com/327/

[–] kzzzl@lemmy.world 8 points 4 days ago

let's push some files to your github

[–] tourist@lemmy.world 37 points 4 days ago (2 children)

I normally just skip keygen

it's such a hassle

besides, it means I can connect from anywhere

no one checks the ssh port on prod anyway

[–] Aqivex@fedinsfw.app 17 points 4 days ago

Are you my former boss?

[–] Croquette@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 days ago

Your comment startled me even though I knew that it was a joke.

[–] shiftymccool@piefed.ca 45 points 4 days ago (5 children)

Should be private ssh key and public ip address. public key can be derived if necessary and it does you no good to have a key to an unknown door

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[–] TheFunkyMonk@lemmy.world 51 points 4 days ago (2 children)
[–] BagOfHeavyStones@piefed.social 25 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)
[–] jim_v@lemmy.world 9 points 4 days ago

When you type your password all I see are stars.

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[–] Alexica@lemmy.world 48 points 4 days ago (2 children)
[–] Scoopta@programming.dev 25 points 4 days ago (1 children)

🤔 I do believe this is backwards, or you're Japanese

[–] Alexica@lemmy.world 23 points 4 days ago

I’m dislexic. My friends call me Dislexica

[–] friend_of_satan@lemmy.world 13 points 4 days ago (1 children)
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[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 4 days ago

My public key:

[–] saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 34 points 4 days ago

Public: Ssssssshhhh!
Private: Sssssshhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

[–] reader@lemmy.zip 32 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)
[–] undefinedTruth@lemmy.zip 19 points 4 days ago

That's a private / pubic key pair.

[–] blurry@feddit.org 25 points 4 days ago

Please mark your territory by posting the hosts you have visited with your favorite cat name.

[–] Zier@fedia.io 17 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Public key: b26Stop543looking957at140me8339when8709Im10114naked73856 Private Key: Oh SnAp!

[–] CedricWhaley@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 4 days ago (2 children)
[–] aport@programming.dev 5 points 3 days ago
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[–] anarchy79@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

Cat! My cat is named Cat! The exclamation mark is part of the name.

[–] gressen@lemmy.zip 12 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Public key can be derived from private key.

[–] NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 32 points 4 days ago

right but why would I bother doing the extra work if I can just get it from you

[–] runner_g@piefed.blahaj.zone 7 points 4 days ago

I like to update mine based on the season. Right now it's Freddy: JSON

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