Asklemmy

i need to adopt a cat-owner mentality

Someday they'll be dead, and I'll be passing on their grave. Then I'll be "going with the flow"

I just think about all the times that getting mad actually helped the situation in any way at all.

I mean, in some situations, getting mad is the correct response, but I find that to be extremely rare.

After getting mad, the situation is usually still just as shit but you're even more upset and you've probably upset some other people around you too.

I have been stressed out about everything in the past, but I worked through a lot of things.

The main thing for me is acceptence. I accept whatever comes at me, and I deal with it.

Missed the bus? I accept that that is the new situation, and then start thinking about how to deal with the consequences. Do I need to inform somebody that I will be later, or do I need to do anything else? Is there a different route I can take?

And what is also important, I watch myself. I make sure I get enough sleep and I have some time for myself to chill. It helps if you are not tired or burned out. I have been tired and burned out and it makes me far more emotional and unpredictable.

I accept that I am not in control of a lot of things. But I can always control my response to those things. If somebody is trying to piss me off, I can stay calm and that puts me in control of the situation.

I also realized that bad moods are contagious. If somebody was in a bad mood around me I would pick it up too. But now I figured, why? I don't want somebody elses state of mind to control mine. So I accept that they are in a bad mood, and choose to keep my mood going.

I choose to control myself in all circumstances, no matter how crazy, and it makes me happier and less stressed. I'm still not perfect but I feel a lot better a lot of the time.

And it's a great practice for emergency situations too. I've been able to solve some things rather quickly just by not panicking and making the right calls to give some things priority over others.

Best I can tell (no personal experience) is that if your life has serious troubles affecting you, small stuff like some mud in the rooms is one of the comparatively more positive elements of your day. Hence the ability to just laugh and move on.

Well, it’s not something I do as much as it is just who I am. I never choose to just be chill, it’s just that I very rarely get annoyed or mad. Even the rare times I do, I can often just breathe out and force a genuine smile thinking about everything nice and beautiful, and it just doesn’t stick. I get happy and content and will just clean up and laugh or facepalm at my clumsiness or dumbness or whatever. I’m a serious goof though. Maybe it’s easier if you don’t (and simply can’t) take yourself too seriously.

For me, I do get mad occasionally but I just see that me getting mad doesn't get me anywhere. I just gotta fix the problem.

When my depression and adhd where really bad it used to be like that. Do you have any other problems?

I knew a guy like this but it seemed his life could not get worst so nothing at worked bothered him.

I feel smoking crack helps smooth out the edges

I feel weird recommending medication but I had the same problem for like 3 years (since my mental breakdown) I got put on new meds about 4 months ago and holy shit have they been life changing. That constant anger isn't there anymore, some times I still have a bad day, but its not ever present annoyed at the world anymore.

Admittedly I'm usually drunk or high but an overwhelming disposition of "it do be like that" seems to help the bullshit slide off

Get checked for vitamin deficits?

What can i say, the dude abides

I would love to be able to go, “well that sucks” and just get over it.

From someone who can still go with then flow even when the flow seems like its from a sewage plant: That's the neat part, I don't get over it. I can either move forward in a way that's best for me, or I can just let myself react without thinking about it, get a hollow sense of catharsis, and put myself in a worse situation where I'm gonna need more than a hollow sense of catharsis.

I know your feeling - though I find it hard to truly lose my temper, I do tend to stress out easily and start venting outloud.

I feel like externalising my stressors is the only way to let them go, even if nobody wants to listen, otherwise I just end up bottling things up.

I cannot recommend mindfulness enough, as already suggested by many others in this thread.

I think, you said you are already in therapy? In this case, I would definitely talk with your therapist about this and things you want to adopt beforehand. If you want a simple concrete tip, you could try the "mindfulness coach" by the US department of veteran affairs. I liked it a lot and the apps from there get good privacy recommendations from mozilla.

I am a bit suprised by the many people recommending to just stop giving fucks. Is this what you really want? Or do you just want avoid the emotions of taking control?

Buddhism, meditation, and generally knowing that everything is temporary. Gratitude / "counting your blessings" helps increase general happiness, as it's easy to forget what's going right

That all starts with being able to recognize those emotions in the moment. If you can’t change the past, then why are you putting energy into getting angry over it? In your dog example, you’re going to have to clean it either way so stop to think about what’s more valuable to you - moving forward and learning for next time or using your energy to get angry.

There’s nothing wrong with getting angry. Anger is a useful emotion. Use it to your benefit rather than to your detriment.

You should take a sabbatical or however else a time out.

Going with the flow is such an important skill that more parents need to put more of a focus in teaching. It's all about making sure that your response is a realistic way of attaining your goal in the situation.

If I'm talking to someone else and trying to help them through a situation like they say, ask them to think for a minute if getting angry will do anything at all to help the situation they find themselves in.

"You are absolutely right to be upset about this situation, and if you need to take a minute to feel that rage, go right ahead. Once you're ready though, let's take a deep breath, remember that we can't change what's already happened and instead be strategic and intentional about what we do from here to correct for what just happened"

Being able to gain control of yourself is a skill that requires practice. Intrusive thoughts and feelings and emotions happen to everyone, the trick is just recognizing when it's happening. When you recognize that it's happening, take a deep breath and shake it off. For me that means just slowing down and being much more methodical and intentional about anything that I say or do until that fight or flight mode response disengages. Be conscious of the fact that my reflexes cannot be trusted when I am in fight or flight mode.

I don't think I have the emotional range to "get angry" the way most people describe it (as some overcoming urge). It's an alien concept to me. For me, anger is a quiet loosening of my moral obligation towards someone, a re-tallying of social contracts, something done consciously and with purpose.

If I should appear angry, but just "go with the flow" instead, it doesn't mean I'm not angry -- it means I no longer feel the need to be honest with you about my thoughts or feelings. I've found that by and large, people fail to notice the difference.

So if it is any consolation, at least some of us who appear easygoing are actually furious internally.

Stress is obviously an enhancer of anger issues, but it can also be a character trait. I’d focus on learning to accept that you have those emotions instead of trying to suppress them.

Could try studying stochastic philosophy. I've always generally been calm but had an extra realization that getting upset at things doesn't help the situation I'm in and is generally just a waste of energy. So why waste time feeling terrible when I can just accept whatever is going on and move on with my life.

hmmm...

I think it helps if you play a lot of "immersive" games. and practice disengaging from there.

For example, if you now don't get mad and throw controllers breaking screens, you're now half-way to the real task at hand!