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[CW] suicide baiting. (hexbear.net)

submitted 2 days ago by AntifaCatgirlSuperSoldier@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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I feel like the term lost its meaning and became a way to purity test suicidal people, a few weeks ago I was in a situation so stressful I was going to kill myself at that moment if I didn't wait a few more minutes. I told this to someone out of desperation and shock and he said "don't suicide bait for sympathy points" and left it there, I know that the term comes because it is abusive for example to threaten a friend or a partner with suicide if they don't comply with what you want from them. But, there are suicidal people who would probably benefit from having empathy. Anyone knows what i'm talking about or has experience about this?

P.S. I'm not suicidal, just the stress of that incident messed me up bad in that moment.

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[–] CommunistCuddlefish@hexbear.net 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Sorry that happened to you. People like that suck. Dort_Owl is right, you deserve better than to be jumped on for expressing anguish.

personal experience

BTW there's a lot more nuance when it comes to suicide than is commonly acknowledged. My evil ex emotionally abused me to the point where I saw suicide as the only way out if they wouldn't stop. I made the mistake of telling them to try to see if we could work out a better solution (like, I don't know, they actually put in some effort to get help to not be an abusive piece of shit like they insisted they would). They spun it and got some of my then-friends to accuse me of being abusive for not being willing to play the part of their scapegoat. Apparently it's "inherently abusive" to not lie down and take it.

So now I don't take concerns about that sort of thing anywhere near as seriously, because I've lived through it being weaponized to run cover for the abuser.

[–] Dort_Owl@hexbear.net 15 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

It's a really fucked up and hard subject to tackle, like what's the line between a cry for help and dumping baggage on someone? I never understand it.

To me the idea of dismissing someones real pain is far too horrible for me to ever side with the "Trauma dumping is manipulation" crowd.

I don't care if it puts me at risk of being used, the alternative is too inhuman. There is no worse feeling than being at your lowest and nobody caring. It's a special kind of loneliness and dehumanizing that most people don't understand until they've been there themselves.

I'm sorry your pain was dismissed. You deseve better than that.

[–] AntifaCatgirlSuperSoldier@hexbear.net 9 points 2 days ago

Sorry that you went through that too.

[–] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago

You are completely correct and I say this as someone who has been manipulated that way on a few occasions. And here's the thing...all those people who manipulated me are dead now too. Some were roommates etc and some lines hsve to be drawn so I keep a roof over my head. Even the ones who are manipulating you are far from okay, otherwise they wouldnt do that.

[–] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 7 points 2 days ago

That is an awful awful awful thing to say to someone. Every suicidal person would benefit from having empathy. That is an across the board thing. Even if someone isnt serious and is genuinely using the idea of suicide to 'bait' for sympathy is someone in desperate need of sympathy either way! Also what the fuck is a 'sympathy point'? There is no score being kept here! If anything you would receive those points for providing sympathy as well! Whoever you're talking to has juvenile emotional maturity. I have lost a LOT of friends and a lot in a super short time and it was either suicide of fent or cases where it was hard to tell whether or not it was one via the other. At best it is someone who is simply top immature to handle the idea and dismisses it in the most crass manner possible or he's a deeply awful person. That is absolutely inexcusable behavior. Friends need to care about each other to be friends.