Raytheon Ethics Hotline sounds like the punchline to a really dark joke.
this post was submitted on 06 Aug 2026
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The Raytheon ethicists are probably also the guys who keep tieing the people in the trolly problems to the tracks.
*a drone has been dispatched to your location *
Imagine working in the Raytheon ethics department
🤣 and the person even goes "I didn't even know we had one"
Who would have guessed?
What are the odds that the hotline is just fully automated and goes:
"Press 1 to make a complaint"
beep
"Please state your name, and employee ID"
", "
"Thank you . Your position has been terminated effective immediately. Have a nice day."
Or they are an actual team of ethicists that just reaffirm that Raytheon employees should Minecraft themselves.
Oh no sorry that's all wrong it's an ethnicists hotline that reaffirm your training that it's good and correct to bomb brown people
Cheerily: "Hello! Raytheon Ethics Department!"
"I am in an ethical dilemma."
Serious: "Is it 'Raytheon builds weapons that can harm civilians. Should I feel guilty about this?' Basically is that your question?"
"Um... Pretty much."
"See the email I just sent you."
"I thought this was anonymous."
"It is. We don't know your name."
"Oh..."
Cheery again: "Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"I don't—"
"Bye!"
Click.
Back when I was doing my masters degree in cumpooper science, the department sent out an email to students about a Lockheed Martin engineering ethics competition.
I remember watching black hat and defcon talks as a teenager and being disgusted how corpo and fedded up everything is.
I thought I couldn't imagine a more soul expunging job than RTX weapons designer, but they invented one
'Hey quick q what's the ethical amount of white phosphorus to put in the munitions we're shipping to the IDF next week?'
Partner's chud cousin kept talking about how the thousands fired a few years back were all from the "D and E and I" department.
At Raytheon maybe, at Boeing they're more hands on.
Good advice for a Raytheon employee to be given, admittedly.
this is just the average life of a lib honestly. reject all communist ideas, support ukraine, north korea evil blah blah. work in evil corporation, boss tell me to kill myself, im afraid to call the ethics hotline because why would a lackey worker like me deserve rights. buy consumerist products to feel better.
Also the idea of calling an "ethics hotline" at the murder factory feels like a Monty Python sketch lmao
Reminds me of a Boy Boy sketch
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Seems more to me like they just got disillusioned by HR and they're hesitant to be so trusting.
if someone tells you to kys in the workplace you're legally required to kill them.
So I work for the murder factory where we help kill millions of innocents, and then they suggest I kill me, totally outrageous it is
I was going to say I'm shocked that people working at the murder factory don't value human life
Hey boss, how should I go about killing myself? There's so many explosive devices here at the murder factory I could chose from. Which one would have maximum effect?
At raytheon? I'm surprised they didn't drone strike you
Still far kinder than a Raytheon employee deserves
This reads like satire, so it's probably true.
Among the liberals I've been around, telling each other to commit suicide is meant to be understood as a joke. Haha. That's the sound of my totally sincere laughter at the not at all extremely fucked up and soul crushing joke.
😔
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