Edit: I can’t believe I have to add this, but this is a joke and is not real. 🤦♂️
Source (Nitter)
Is this real or a joke? Because honestly I’d believe it.
this post was submitted on 12 Jul 2026
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It's a joke. Their real method nowadays is just asking AI to generate bug free code and then using it without any validation
The joke seems more efficient tho
it's missing the gig of ram usage and thrashing the storage device for the entire duration.
That has never stopped MAIcrosoft before
Wait, really?
You can't be serious.
You fool! You have to ask the LLM for bug free secure code, or it will be riddled with security vulnerabilities!
Did you tell it to not make any mistakes, and double check its work, and write valid, comprehensive integration tests and stand up a development environment, and make a team of QA agents to verify that the development environment is running correctly?
Not doing that is a recipe for disaster. Oh, and tell it to make backups.
It's a joke, but the fact is that the diagnose button only searches event logs and windows system logs for errors against only a small dictionary of problems.
This is exactly why Microsoft has been playing with a locally installed nano AI driven fix it utility for future updates: the current one sucks.
edit link:
To be fair it'll also reset adapters/devices by disabling and reenabling them, which can help with basic issues.
Ngl in the last 15 years I have unfortunately been using windows the troubleshooting function never worked, not even once. And it's not like I didn't have issues, there were plenty; plenty stupid ones as well.
back in the day before troubleshoot actually did anything automatic and applied the most basic of solutions, it used to open the help file and if there was nothing in there, you usually were referred to the Microsoft help page
It's a joke: they'd never return a sensible exit code.
If it’s a joke, it’s not terribly far from the truth.
I’ve had it fix a network issue once
It used to try resetting network adapters once upon a time. I guess they lost that code at some point.
I've had it stop/start the adapter and clear DNS cache before
I've also had it disable/enable sound drivers before.
For it to actually do anything, it has to either be a clear local networking issue or show up exactly as the right type of hardware failure where you can still get to the device and it responds, but it's not doing it's job.
AndI've seen a unicorn once.
Don't you have to use '\n\r' instead of just '\n' under Windows?
Na that won't work, it's carriage return, then new line. Otherwise it's not a line break, just just a line suggestion.
Than its that way. I never programmed under windows.
Have you run the compatibility troubleshooter in win11? It works reasonably well but it's a laughably stupid process. It asks you which application is having problems, then displays the first ~10 apps, alphabetically. If it's not there, you have to click a button to see the next 10 apps. Scroll, click, scroll, click, and so on until it shows the app you're looking for.
Why not just give a full list??? Or let the user start typing and bring up relevant entries? Oh, right. Microslop search functions are embarrassingly bad. Clicking through the list is better, I guess.
The Walmart shopping app does this, too. With a cart full of upwards of 200 items, (we shop infrequently, so the list is big by the time we do), it infuriates the hell out of my spouse and I. I won't even get into how random and haphazard the items are ordered (and it's not due to the order we selected things).
ORDER BY product.id
-- ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ
Almost certainly intentional. If you can't find what you want to remove from your cart, you can't remove it.
Do they have a website? If you can shop from their website use the browser feature to search
Last month Apple released their developer keynote (WWDC26) where they acknowledged their search function doesn't work well. Obviously they were saying it now because they were releasing a fix but it was comical to hear them essentially say "have you ever searched in mail or finder for something you know is there, and search just can't find it, yeah that shit happens to all of us" lol
The weird part is Apple’s search (whether Spotlight or within apps) always kicked ass for the longest time, it’s when they started to fuck with it that it got really bad.
Well now it is going to index every word from every file on your computer and return results based upon your key word searches I guess. while supposedly never allowing that index or the searches of those indexes to leave your machine. Seems like a scary amount of data for it to be scanning and hoping it never gets shed from your local machine... But I guess that's why you should modify the index to not scam certain locations.... Like say your PDF of your last 16 years of tax returns
I'd argue that if you really care about privacy, you wouldn't be using neither apple or microsoft products, they can just implement this silently without telling you
I have seen the Windows diagnostic tool accurately identify and fix an issue once.
And that was way the fuck back on Windows XP.
Windows trouble~~shooter~~
remember when it used to open help by default?
I'm pretty sure no one misses the Windows troubleshooter
Im surprised that they did not use ai for that, knowing how much they like it.
That might actually be useful... Maybe if it auto-ran SFC /scannow or something?
internet logins I use sleep(5) for login fail. slows the brute force bots. 500000? that needs a progress bar
If this was nottheonion I wouldn't be surprised
Explains why it responds/opens so quickly. Tight coding.
Quickly? 50,000 seconds is 13 hours, 53 minutes and 20 seconds
edit: aaahhh. ms not s. stupid windows
Sleep is in seconds for Linux/UNIX, but milliseconds on Windows. 50,000 ms is 50 seconds.
Those are ms - so 50 seconds
Opens when you press it. Not finds a solution. Never has found a solution.
Color me shocked. 🙄 Microslop definitely earned its rep.