Trans

But I also always kinda feel awkward correcting the speaker on someone else’s behalf, because maybe they do go by she/they or they/he, and I just don’t know.

Uh... You literally explained it yourself. This is exactly why people use they/them when they don't have more information. What's the alternative, to not speak about non-binary, trans, or gender-fluid people at all? Or to confront every person you meet and demand their pronouns?? Personally, I start with they/them, and change it depending on the person's preference.

I'm sorry it rubs you the wrong way, but in my opinion you're being oversensitive. It's not misgendering, it's neutral. Maybe it's just a linguistic limitation, but there's no other way to refer to someone without prejudging their gender identity, especially if you don't know their name. Obviously, if you know someone's preferred pronouns and choose not to use them, that's a problem and a different issue; definitely correct those people! But don't make perfect the enemy of good by shaming well-intentioned allies...

If you don't know someones gender they/them is not misgendering. (Should be the default for anybody)

If you know the person's gender and it's not they/them then it's misgendering unless it's ok with that person.

Using they/them on someone who looks trans and nobody else is just as bad as misgendering someone.

Its simple. If someone has not told you there pronouns, use they/them. If you know there pronouns then use what they want. (Yes it's really that simple)

They’re trying. Just treat them as people.

If you don't know the individual's preferred pronouns, using they/them is perfectly fine. This comes from a proper grammatical standpoint and a spot of caution.

Think of it this way. They/them may not be their pronouns, but its FAR better than misgendering them with he/him or she/her.

My two cents.

Trans-folk are the only people I try to avoid using they to describe. I know it can cause discomfort, and potentially lead to others getting confused about pronouns if anyone listening doesn't know my grammatical quirks.

For everyone else I may use they for a variety of reasons. One of the most common: if a person's gender hasn't had clues about it in the conversation, I'm likely to just default to they. Like if I'm just calling my partner "my partner" rather than their name, I won't then specify gender with pronouns. Disclosing gender when it doesn't matter can feel weird.

They/them has always been the way to refer to someone whose gender you don't know. It is the neutral term between binary ones. So, if they don't know or are unsure which binary pronouns to use then I think it's a positive.

As for correcting someone, I think it's fine to do that. If the person in question continues to use the wrong pronouns after correcting, that's when I might actually consider it misgendering, unless they're just super ADHD like me, and then it's possible it might take a second reminder, LOL.

For reference, I'm technically a trans-woman though I'm agender, I present femme and prefer she or they.

If the person who refers to the trans person don't know their gender, then they might be using "they/them" as a gender neutral pronoun, which it is. If they (no pun intended) do know the gender of the trans person, then they could either be protesting because they're biggots or because they "simply" are uncomfortable. In case it's the latter, again, "simply" inform them about the correct pronouns.

I know I'm using a lot of "simply" and I also know that it isn't simple. But that's what I'd try to do.

When it's about someone else: "Oh, is [trans person] nonbinary? I thought [trans person] used she/he."
When it's about myself: "Using 'she' is fine, thank you."

if someone says they/them when first getting to know me, its chill. i dont pass amazing cus of my voice but I'll make sure they know I am she/her

if they know this and still say they/them I'll bring it up and mention 'I'm not non binary, refer to me as you would any other woman' and itll either make sense to them or I'll consider ending that relationship

Using they/them exclusively and intentionally is misgendering, especially if you know someone's pronouns. Using the singular they as part of natural speech isn't. There's a grey area in the middle as well.

I get they/them'd a lot by people trying to be inclusive. My goto response is usually along the lines of "I appreciate the sentiment but my pronouns are..."

If someone is being a hateful bigot just walk away

I prefer non-retroactive, historical pronouns when talking about the past, for myself at least.

Pre transition me was a mess, he was constantly depressed, but current me is fine, she's able to smile in a way that looks genuine.

That's how I prefer it, but I don't think there is an accepted consensus on the topic. They/them works as its gender neutral, so could refer to anyone at any point, but I don't like it.

I hate when people use they/them as a hedge. I'll be out in public, and someone mau not entirely certain of my gender, so they go for what they think is the safe, respectful, and neutral option of they/them. And it feels like an insult. It feels like they're clocking me.

If I were not binary it would be good, but I'm not so don't.

Yes, you are overthinking and should definitely stop getting offended and/or speaking on behalf of others, especially in scenarios where people are going out of their way to try to be polite.

At best you look like you're going out of your way to be offended.

Just use the correct one, increasingly pointedly, and hope they get the clue?

As long as it's well-intentioned and in what sounds like a really niche situation, also kinda whatever? In general, in English, they/them can be used for a bunch of pretty decent reasons, like just not being sure which is appropriate. If whoever feels bad about it, that's one thing, and people need to be made aware. Does it need to be assumed they feel bad about it? You could probably ask whatever they'd prefer in this or that hypothetical, on the off chance they've ever thought about it.

When the person does not use they/them pronouns, using they/them to refer to that person is misgendering that person. If you don't know, it's usually fine to ask the person what pronouns should be used and once you have that knowledge you can correct others when they use the wrong pronouns.

I just pretend everyone is a swarm of bees, so my instinct is to say they/them

They/them is a good default. If you want someone to use specific pronouns, just ask them to? They could also ask of course, but I think calling they/them misgendering is leaving even less options and making things more complex for everyone who is just trying to be polite.

If you are unsure, they/them until you ask or you are informed. What's the big deal with that?

This is something I’ve noticed a lot among well-intentioned people who aren’t trans themselves. When talking about a trans person, especially in the context of talking about them before and after transitioning, they’ll use they/them instead of she/her or he/him, as the trans person in question goes by.

Did you intend to “them” this person?
Allies unaware of chosen pronouns will use the unknown they/them.
Rather, pronouns are bad shortcuts to address folks in a language, so this respondent abhors pronouns when writing about their addressals.

My mother tongue has no gendered pronouns. When speaking English, I regularly misgender eeveryone, because my mind cannot really wrap itself around the concept of having to keep track of my conversation partner's gender. Or that of someone else. Even people I've known for decades have an about 5% chance of being misgendered.

It feels good that I can ignore people's gender and just talk about a human. This might be an incredibly alien concept to an Indo-European, though. But still, people who only started learning Indo-European languages such as English, Spanish, Ukrainian, German, Albanian or Greek, at the age of ten will not have learned the concept of gendering people in time for it to not feel glued-on-top.

When I'm talking about everyone else as they, that being a way to avoid thinking about people's genders, it feels odd to then speak differently about transgender people.

At least I don't want to be only a gender. It's much better if people can see the actual individual behind, and trying to find ways to forget about the concept of gender helps glue less stereotypes over my image as it stands in someone's mind.

The gendered pronouns in Indo-European cultures are a very sad and harmful phenomenon. I'd say it's the better the more people stop their usage. A man (and that also includes trans men) is a man even if you don't spend every moment keeping track of their gender when talking. "They" helps see the individual.

Plus, it means not imposing another culture upon us who don't have gendered pronouns.

for cis people, it can be very confusing how to talk about a person before their transition

My opinion; you're overthinking it. In most cases they/them is perfectly fine. They'll let you know if it's not.

uguguhguhguhguh here for randoms is used widely as plural formal pronouns, referring unknown person unformal is basically insulting, i hate when adults due non-formal pronous to kids because they dominating, love ppl which still using formal pronouns for kids

but my mom often forcibly using they/them or more proper "они/их/-ли", i tired of this i AM GIRL i need she/her and cute words, overall she a very toxic personality which doesnt cute at all, and hard to handle, especially for awwtistic me