this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2026
23 points (87.1% liked)

Trans

2167 readers
125 users here now

General trans community.

Rules:

  1. Follow all blahaj.zone rules

  2. All posts must be trans-related. Other queer-related posts go to c/lgbtq.

  3. Don't post negative, depressing news articles about trans issues unless there is a call to action or a way to help.

Resources:

Best resource: https://github.com/cvyl/awesome-transgender Site with links to resources for just about anything.

Trevor Project: crisis mental health services for LGBTQ people, lots of helpful information and resources: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

The Gender Dysphoria Bible: useful info on various aspects of gender dysphoria: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en

StainedGlassWoman: Various useful essays on trans topics: https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/

Trans resources: https://trans-resources.info/

[USA] Resources for trans people in the South: https://southernequality.org/resources/transinthesouth/#provider-map

[USA] Report discrimination: https://action.aclu.org/legal-intake/report-lgbtqhiv-discrimination

[USA] Keep track on trans legislation and news: https://www.erininthemorning.com/

[GERMANY] Bundesverband Trans: Find medical trans resources: https://www.bundesverband-trans.de/publikationen/leitfaden-fuer-behandlungssuchende/

[GERMANY] Trans DB: Insurance information (may be outdated): https://transdb.de/

[GERMANY] Deutsche Gesellschaft für Transidentität und Intersexualität: They have contact information for their advice centers and some general information for trans and intersex people. They also do activism: dgti.org

*this is a work in progress, and these resources are courtesy of users like you! if you have a resource that helped you out in your trans journey, comment below in the pinned post and I'll add here to pass it on

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

This is something I’ve noticed a lot among well-intentioned people who aren’t trans themselves. When talking about a trans person, especially in the context of talking about them before and after transitioning, they’ll use they/them instead of she/her or he/him, as the trans person in question goes by.

It always kind of rubs me the wrong way, because like, unless they want to go by they/them, it’s still misgendering, right?

But I also always kinda feel awkward correcting the speaker on someone else’s behalf, because maybe they do go by she/they or they/he, and I just don’t know. But it feels way more common that it’s someone who doesn’t feel comfortable using she/her for a trans woman, for example.

I don’t know. Am I overthinking this? How do y’all handle situations like that?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] Janx@piefed.social 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

But I also always kinda feel awkward correcting the speaker on someone else’s behalf, because maybe they do go by she/they or they/he, and I just don’t know.

Uh... You literally explained it yourself. This is exactly why people use they/them when they don't have more information. What's the alternative, to not speak about non-binary, trans, or gender-fluid people at all? Or to confront every person you meet and demand their pronouns?? Personally, I start with they/them, and change it depending on the person's preference.

I'm sorry it rubs you the wrong way, but in my opinion you're being oversensitive. It's not misgendering, it's neutral. Maybe it's just a linguistic limitation, but there's no other way to refer to someone without prejudging their gender identity, especially if you don't know their name. Obviously, if you know someone's preferred pronouns and choose not to use them, that's a problem and a different issue; definitely correct those people! But don't make perfect the enemy of good by shaming well-intentioned allies...