People tweeting stuff. We allow tweets from anyone.
RULES:
When I was young, I was naive to the ways of romance, and especially romantic communication. I was often oblivious to advances made upon me, and awkward and unskilled at making any expression of interest without just looking a bit foolish. However, after a lot of experience and many ups and downs in the pursuit of love, I find that I am no longer young.
Men are dense and women are indirect.
I know these are generalities, but it's sooo freakin common that it's a well-known trope.
I'd actually go a step further and say that it's not so much that men are "dense" as it is that they are full of self-doubt...I.e., seeing the advances, knowing they are there, but not believing that they are actually intended for them, or it's a joke/prank, or for whatever other reason, they convince themselves that it's not an advance and they are misinterpreting.
IANAD, but I'd guess this has more to do with mens mental-health awareness than anything else.
It's a trope, but it's also supposedly "well known" that men are horny bastards who think with their dicks... yet somehow we have these the two very opposing scenarios.
Personally, despite a rather distinct lack of interest from the "fairer sex" prior to college, I found that plenty of women were more interested in sex than me in later years and not particularly subtle about it, which was actually off-putting as I wanted a relationship with a bit more substances. A lot of guys I know were in the same boat. Sex was easy. Finding somebody who actually wanted to do activities together was quite hard.
Something I've noticed in myself, maybe because of the lack of interest from women at a younger age, is that women will almost throw themselves at you sometimes. Like, yeah I get it, I'm down for that too, but I won't be able to make it move for you if I don't know you ma'am.
or it's that the risk involved isn't worth it.
because for every woman who 'is sending you signals' 7/10 of them will actually not be, and 2/10 of them will be, but deny it, and 1/10 will actually be happy you got the signal.
not to mention one woman's 'signal' is another's ignore you, is another's just being friendly, is another's desperately trying to passively tell you to fuck off. there is no consistency because every woman is different.
and plenty of women will up sleep with you, tell you they love you, want to be with you, and then laugh in your face and ask you why you thought she was ever interested a few days later. which is a total mindfuck.
as a man, who are you supposed to make any sense of any of that? you can't. so you just learn to ignore it all and focus your efforts on ladies who are clear with their intentions and behaviors... of which there are not a lot, and if you find one you marry her.
many people are totally inconsistent, straight up lie, and are otherwise unclear about what they want and who they are to the opposite sex.... because SEX.
a lot of people engaged in compeltely different personalities and behaviors when sex becomes involved. hence why their friends can't understand why they 'struggle' with romantic partners... well because the person they are to their friends is totally different.
personally, i've always been SHOCKED at how radically different some of my gfs would behave around their friends vs around me or in public. it was like they were a completely different person. Stuff they'd tell me they hated, they told their friends they loved, etc.
Succinct, eloquent prose there. Well said
For real tho, what is the name of that doc?
Also. Is Melissa single?
Finish watching the doc, then ask her.
It sounds like hes respecting consent, just being in your underwear doesn't automatically mean you want him all over you and hes respecting that possibility.
If I was playing a video game that I was super sucked into and focused on, and then a girl I was with still in her underwear sat next to me, I wouldn't assume it was an invitation to immediately begin sucking on her titties or something. I'd figure she just wanted to chill next to me in her undies.
If you want to have sex: communicate that. He probably would have been down.
This situation isn't about consent; it's about seduction and attraction. It's not unrealistic that seeing your partner in their underwear might distract you from what you're doing and elicit an amorous response, and that's what she wants. There's no suggestion that that response would be anything but respectful of consent.
be more interesting than medieval sword making.
no, sex isn't the answer. probably reading a book on medieval history and telling him about it is.
it always baffles me how many women i have dated... have no interests or passions, and seem to look down on people who do.
and the women i have dated who did have passions and interests... were way way more attractive and more fun to spend time with, because they didn't expect me to entertain them.
I married a guy who already shared my interests, which I feel is a pretty hard requirement for a working relationship.
One of those interests is history, so we will be needing that docu as well
Hmm. A “hey” with three Ys and a smirk... I don’t think Melissa’s bf is the problem.
Would also love to know the doc, lol.
If someone is actively engaged with something, you have to break their attention. I feel like people need to learn more about dissociation and blacksmithing.
No sure who said this… sounds like Bill Burr but … “No matter how beautiful she is, there’s some guy somewhere who’s tired of putting up with her shit”
"Men are disgusting! They only think about one thing ~~sex~~ medieval sword making!" /s
He just loves watching burly guys whacking red hot iron
"I have presented my flesh in his presence and that wasn't automatically rewarded. What am I doing wrong?"
Have you tried... talking about shared interests? Being funny? Being charming and confident? Putting effort into romance? Like all the same advice that help men gain interest from women works the other way around too, you know? We're all human.
have you dated recently?
social media is rife with woman-o-sphere nonsense that basically tells women all they have to do is sit there and look pretty and embrace traditional gender roles and be totally passive. everyone freaks out abotu the manosphere, but the womanosphere is just as toxic... but you can't acknowledge how toxic it is it or you 'hate women'. because apparently if men are sexist douchebags, that's horrible, but if women are, it's their them expressing their freedom, or something.
there has been a big shift in the past 5 years towards this stuff. I have noticed it a lot in dating, most women I meet now are incredibly passive and convinced that everything in the relationship is the man's responsibility.
the question i have is: how are men supposed to know the exact correct amount and time women want attention? because from what i understand if the only thing you're doing is wearing underwear, that doesn't necessarily mean you "want" something, and to assume otherwise is bad? or is that wrong too?
Find a woman mature enough to communicate her needs and ask explicitly for your attention? Anyone of any gender who expects their partner to be a mind reader is going to be disappointed, but people that learn to communicate their feelings and teach their partners that it is safe to do the same will be much happier. If they get upset at having to tell you what they’re thinking or feeling, they’re not ready for a serious relationship yet.
Find a woman mature enough to communicate her needs
👆
yes, but women overwhelmingly expect this as a 'minimum standard' and woman dating/relationship advice is full of maxims that basically say your man is shitty if he can't read your mind or he isn't subordinate to your every random whim.
and lots of women believe this nonsense as gospel and verse and trying to tell them maybe they are self-sabotaging... doesn't go over well.
part of the reason this advice is so appealing is because it removes any agency/responsibility/risk of rejection from the woman and puts it all on the man. it reinforces classic gender norms that women are to be silent passive mysterious creatures and all action/agency is entirely the realm of the man.
a problem my wife and i had at the beginning of our relationship (solved very quickly, since we talked about it) is that i expected her to be able to intuitively read my body language. because the sign language i use is, for people who don't sign, basically all body language and facial expressions (for people who do sign, there are no actual signs it's all classifiers) and if you aren't constantly reading body language, you won't understand someone. it took an in-depth conversation about linguistics (a really fun one where we compared the four different sign languages the two of us use), but we managed to figure everything out.
Sometimes a man is just tired, you know?
Bit of a tangent and a big YES I am a giant fucking nerd - but I do text based roleplaying. People online don't know my actual gender (chick) since I'll play anything. One huge thing I noticed when playing a dude is a lot of the women would just kinda be there and try to be sexy hoping I would do something.
They didn't all write like that, and I still had a few guys to starfished, so to speak, but goddamn YOU NEED TO ENGAGE ME. If I wanted something pretty, I would look at a painting. I need an activity.
Aww dude.
You ever watch those archer twink videos?
Well, if it was Reclaiming the Blade, I'm not surprised !
My gf is coming back home from a week long trip tonight. Thanks for the recommendation!
Be interested, just a little bit, in what they're interested in. Like, you don't have to enjoy it, but show interest and they'll respond a lot more than if you make that a problem they have to choose over.
I mean I might put down the doc simply because I can come back to it anytime, while the moment won't. But what would spark things more is if she asks me something simple about what had my focus.
And this goes both ways. Paying attention to what your SO likes in any amount works so much better than making it something bad.
I’m sure men pay attention to her. Just not the men she wants, how she wants.
Sweetie, you need to up your blacksmithing game.
Time to don the sexy (steel plate, full covering) armor and invite him to join the Crusade.
Sabaton song for effect optional but recommended.
