this post was submitted on 05 May 2026
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volcel-judge

jagoff John Spillman was arrested for indecent exposure over the weekend ... with law enforcement claiming he was [spilling seed] in a hotel hallway. i-cant

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[–] KuroXppi@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago

Busted either way

[–] quarrk@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This title is giving “Jurisprudence fetishist gets off on technicality”

[–] GrouchyGrouse@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago

After all the reporting about the elite operators doing drugs I’m just going to assume since all the secret service guys come from those circles that this guy was twacked out on meth doing some speed jackin

[–] Hermes@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago

John Spillman kelly

[–] UmbraVivi@hexbear.net 4 points 1 month ago

John Spillman

"Sir, there's been an incident involving Agent Jack Offerman masturbating in public."

"Nobody could've seen this coming."

[–] AssortedBiscuits@hexbear.net 4 points 1 month ago

John Spillman's john spilling semen

[–] lurker_supreme@hexbear.net 4 points 1 month ago

This freak followed someone to their hotel door and started masturbating right outside of it. I'm going to guess this was attempted sexual assault ...

[–] robot_dog_with_gun@hexbear.net 3 points 1 month ago

look he just really had to go. sometimes you don't make it to the toilet in time.

[–] Kopfrkingl@hexbear.net 2 points 1 month ago

The woke has come for gooners...

[–] MemesAreTheory@hexbear.net 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

John Spillman Busted Masturbating is canonically the correct headline

Agent Spillman, go on Chapo!