Rust:
Cannot move princess out of
castlewhich is behind a shared reference
You can’t rescue the princess, but you can borrow her.
…good enough.
Ill get her back in 3 minutes
It will also complain that trying to break into the castle is unsafe, so you have to tell it that you know.
"Alright, but you better be outside of a properly locked up and OSHA-compliant castle with the princess by the time I get back, or I'm not compiling"
And then you do that, but you miss a smoldering ember from one of the castles torches, and everything including the horse and princess catches fire. Next time, pick an escape plan that only requires unsafe for the drawbridge.
There's a totally safe way to do it too, I guess, but it involves building a series of replacement castles, and it's also totally ugly and sinfully slow.
no python? how are normie programmers like me supposed to relate to this?
You have python. You import antigravity. The princess flies off into space. You monkey patch the princess so she has wings.
Python: You send someone else to rescue the princess on your behalf. That someone else is the C knight.
import army
Which is a library written in C, of course.
Python:
from Rescues import Princess
Princess.rescue()
map(lambda princess: princess.rescue(), [castle.get_princess() for castle in castles])
Here is the original comic, it's got the word fuck in it! Direct link to higher-quality image.
NOOOOOOO NOT THE FUCK W*RD!
I can't fucking believe you've done this
Yeah. I thought we all agreed that we don't fucking swear here. What the fuck...Shit. Darn-it. /s
Now I can't let my cats see this comic :(
Changed the image link, thanks.
Swift: Apple releases a new version of the castle and deprecates the princess before you finish your implementation
the author did another comic with swift and it's pretty much what you said lol
You have Rust. (the knight in this panel looks very cool, wears sunglasses, and probably has a ponytail)
You've been told how easy it is to rescue the princess. Absolutely nothing will get in your way, they say; nobody can possibly get access to your plan, and you can even rescue multiple princesses simultaneously! (in this panel, the knight is imagining rescuing three princesses from three different castles at the same time)
You start working on your plan. It's elegant and beautiful. You write articles on Medium to tell other knights how to rescue their princess. You tell everyone who will listen about your plan. You become a Rust zealot. You never rescue the princess. (In this panel, the knight is nowhere to be seen, and the princess looks bored in her tower. The knight is across the field, at a festival with the banner "RUSTCONF" flying overhead)
yeah but memory safety tho
Always good to see Jon Skeet get some love. I'd love to know in terms of quantity just how many people he's helped over the last decade or so.
He has used this comic as his profile pic on Twitter and StackOverflow for quite a while.
Literally every time I've ever posted a question on SO that's related to .NET, Skeet comes to my rescue.
I just wonder how many he would have saved if he didn't write the language in the first place
You have Rust.
Forget rescuing the princess, that's unsafe. Lock her down even more!
Omg Lisp. I'm dying. Our object oriented programming class in college involved programming in Scheme. This was... a while ago.
Saving this forever.
Yup, Scheme was the only programming language taught in our comp-sci department so we could "learn how to learn." Two years and a broken parentheses button later, and I switched to being a theatre major.
Today, my legal career stands as a testament to the pointlessness of a declared major.
You use Assembly.
You describe each and every leg movement and each and every step to the castle and over the castle bridge and inside the castle.
You somehow end up in the castle kitchen.
Or more precisely. You end up in a dark room. You’re not sure it’s in the castle.
And the only way back is by counting every step you took on the way in, and if you miss one, the castle buries you.
PHP 8 makes it finally possible to rescue the princess, but you accidentally princess the rescue instead.
PHP 8 makes it possible to rescue the princess but your 83 legacy princesses are all still PHP 5.
You have rust.
You get a horse and arrive at the castle within seconds but the horse is too old and doesn't work with the castle.
You remove the horse, destructure the castle and rescue the princess within seconds, but now you have no horse.
While you're finding a compatible horse and thinking whether you should write your own horse, Bowser recaptures the princess and moves her to another castle.
Rust: You declare the castle type as unsafe and then search for a crate with a rescue_princess function. You discover the princess you rescued is a femboy wolfkin named Pawws. You now have pubic lice and an inexplicable smug sense of superiority.
So let me summarise this:
Only C and Lisp actually completed the initial task of getting the princess free, and Author clearly favors C over the drooling and homeless lisp hacker. Also, turns out, C greatest weakness helped to save not only the princess but everything she ever possessed! How convenient!
Rust:
You crushed the princess under the weight of all the crates you imported
Nothing against the singularity that is a node_modules directory
C# is about right. LINQ was meant to make things easier, or at least the code easier to read. Instead, you gain this addiction to seeing how much functional logic you can fit into one line of code (or a single multi-line query) while still remaining readable.
Why's this look so poo on my phone?
You have rust, you decide to rewrite the C plan but the only library that supports it uses unsafe code so you go back and rewrite it. Wait what were you working on?
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