this post was submitted on 08 Apr 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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all 37 comments
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[–] starchylemming@lemmy.world 40 points 1 month ago

may this lesson improve your hygiene

[–] edinbruh@feddit.it 28 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Yuck! If you went straight from eating to masturbating without even washing your hands, you deserve everything that's coming.

[–] Vintor@retrolemmy.com 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Capsaicin is non-soluble in water and basically doesn't wash off.

[–] edinbruh@feddit.it 16 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Neither are oils, that's why you use soap to wash. People don't become spicy for life after touching peppers

[–] Vintor@retrolemmy.com 15 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Ok, I have an experiment for you. Go touch some really hot chili peppers, then wash you hands. With soap. Three times, if you like. Then rub your eyes. Then tell me that felt absolutely fine. Go ahead, I'll wait.

[–] maturelemontree@lemmy.zip 13 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I made a dish with habenaro in it, and quite a few. Washed my hands a few times during the cooking process after I finished handling the peppers. Then I went to the bathroom and had a rude awakening.

[–] justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 month ago

Like twenty years ago, I learned that the hard way... By putting in my contact lenses. To me ages to make the connection, because I didn't even touch the food, just ate in a restaurant.

[–] Sp00kyB00k@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

I saw a vid from Gordon Ramsey that using freshly squeezed limes to rinse your hands works against the spicy.

[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

They probably didn’t come though.

[–] not_IO@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 1 month ago

stop being weird they prolly just peed... 😐

[–] tyler@programming.dev 18 points 1 month ago

The solution in the title is a good way to get a yeast infection.

[–] Valthorn@feddit.nu 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

me about to ~~crank~~ Kronk one out

[–] SaltyIceteaMaker@lemmy.ml 12 points 1 month ago (2 children)

prolly a kink of some type

[–] trackball_fetish@lemmy.wtf 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Fun fact, ginger root works great

[–] Im_old@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

Username almost checks out

[–] imadethis@fedinsfw.app 1 points 1 month ago

Hi there! Got any jalapeno juice?

[–] Alvaro@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I once used chilly oil as lube just to see.

It was indeed a terrible idea, as I suspected.

[–] sukhmel@programming.dev 8 points 1 month ago

But you did right to check, for… um, science

[–] trackball_fetish@lemmy.wtf 8 points 1 month ago

eyo one time, I was shaking chicken wings in habanero sauce and went to take a piss without washing my hands. I only made that mistake once.

[–] OriginEnergySux@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I had a dumb idea to use Deep Heat as lube once. My cock looked bright red at one point and i cried when my girlfriend at the time called a doctor. God dam ive had some cringey moments in my life 😂

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I... wouldn't use this as lube, because I wouldn't want to just inflict this on a partner with no warning...

... but I find tiger balm on the nuts and bolt to be enjoyably painful, or, painfully enjoyable.

So yeah, masochist kink, i guess, compared to most other people?

To me the 'oddest' thing is that I'm apparently just a masochist, and not a sadist; somebody could be on their hands and knees, begging me to whip them or slap them, and I would not be able to do it, I'd actually just be purely angry that they were asking me to significantly hurt them.

Like, I never completed GTA V, because when I got to the torture scene, I nearly vomited and feinted... I just quit at that point.

[–] OriginEnergySux@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Lol oh she was down to try it (we were both young, dumb and very horny). Yeah i get that, everyone has their flavour

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 month ago

Aha! I'm glad that you had both ... well, maybe not understood what you were getting into, but you were both informed and agreed to it, hahah!

Variety is the uh, spice of life, as they say.

[–] WoodScientist@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

FUUUUCK.

I can feel this one.

[–] ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 month ago

One of my partners more or less did this once and sent me a pic of their dick in a glass of milk lol

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 month ago

You... probably just want a steady stream of water, to flush out the irritants.

Get a detachable, flexible showerhead.

... these are also useful for things beyond flushing out irritants.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

And then theres me....using hot sauce as lube.

[–] gmtom@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yet again foreskin havers are winning

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 0 points 1 month ago

Wouldn't the extra sensitivity make it more likely to feel irritation on the head when you touch it? As long as it doesn't get in the pee hole, I wouldn't expect it to feel like anything, especially because the spice itself isn't spicy but only gets that way after reacting with water. So I'd expect foreskin to be more likely to trap some moisture to activate it, too.

[–] zxqwas@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

And by tomorrow your sandwich will have burnt all 3 holes.

[–] Krauerking@lemy.lol 2 points 1 month ago (2 children)

This is the kind of stuff J.H. Kellogg was inventing corn flakes for!

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

That miserable cunt would have been more likely to grab that chicken sandwich from your hands, add the spice to soaps so it always hurts to masturbate, and insist you eat something specifically made to taste as bland and boring as possible. Followed by getting his soap company hostilely taken over because his business partner realizes he's a fucking idiot that a) one shouldn't be in business with and b) is too focused on puritanical bullshit to prevent a hostile takeover.

[–] Flatfire@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 month ago

And enemas, for when you've already made a mistake

[–] yesman@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

Had a friend who did this with poison ivy. I'm still laughing decades later just thinking about it.