this post was submitted on 25 Mar 2026
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https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/mar/25/army-max-enlistment-marijuana-restrictions

After missing its recruitment target by 25% in 2022, the US army has changed its approach to attracting more people into the forces, including targeting more gen Z applicants.

However, the average age of recruits has been increasing, with analysts at the Rand Corp in 2023 recommending an increase in the maximum enlisted age as older recruits are “of higher quality, more focused, and more motivated, as well as being ready to ship to basic training more quickly”.

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[–] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 41 points 1 week ago (1 children)

truly the tsunami of grey bearded dudes being held back by the floodgates of age requirements and undeferred/unexpunged weed charges will make up that 25% shortfall.

jesus christ, just raise it 100, allow violent felons to join in lieu of sentencing, and stop playing like its some professional institution made of people who make good choices.

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 17 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Ordinarily, I would be opposed to Penal Battalions, but I just saw The Dirty Dozen and now I think it's a good idea

[–] WashedAnus@hexbear.net 20 points 1 week ago (2 children)

What if instead of Penal Battalions they were Penile Battalions and they were... still just for the fellas I guess

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] JustSo@hexbear.net 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I love how called out the guy on the far left looks.

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 9 points 1 week ago

I mean, he is wearing the gay little sailor hat

[–] communism@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Men will be split between Penile Battalions and Anal Battalions.

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[–] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 19 points 1 week ago (1 children)

i support Penile Buttalions and have been promoted myself to Rear Admiral of the Army.

[–] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 33 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I always wondered how I'd end up in jail, looks like it's gonna be draft dodging

[–] segfault11@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

if you can dodge a draft you can dodge a ball

[–] JustSo@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago
[–] microfiche@hexbear.net 29 points 1 week ago (2 children)

older recruits are “of higher quality, more focused, and more motivated, as well as being ready to ship to basic training more quickly”.

Bullshit. Older recruits can't move as well as younger ones. Older recruits are more likely to sprain an ankle and actually be laid up and immobile. Older recruits need more recuperation between fights/battles/whatever.

Older recruits are statistically likely to just be cannon fodder. Not everyone can be an officer, or intelligence. The mill must have its grist.

[–] JustSo@hexbear.net 14 points 1 week ago

I believe it, as far as it goes.

I doubt they stay leaps and bounds ahead of the kids once they reach basic, to say nothing of how many would wash out from a minor injury that a young guy would just ignore and power through.

Older recruits are statistically likely to just be cannon fodder. Not everyone can be an officer, or intelligence. The mill must have its grist.

100% this though. They can probably push them through the system faster because they'll never be expected to do anything sophisticated and it'd be a waste of resources pouring a full career-starter's training into a guy who's not gonna make it (or has at most like 10 service years left in them compared to the potential of a 19 year old.)

[–] CrawlMarks@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago

Also, we have highly advanced technology an infinite number of random with guns will not help you win a war anymore. It actually didn't even really help last time we tried. In that most stuff is gonna be like wearing high vis and driving trucks full of equipment to CIA contractors an adult is just as good as the 18 year old children we normally use

[–] AvocadoVapelung@hexbear.net 28 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

so how long until they just trash selective service and have ICE pressganging random dudes a la ukraine?

[–] Pentacat@hexbear.net 9 points 1 week ago
[–] segfault11@hexbear.net 25 points 1 week ago (3 children)

not enough, any honorable army would be rewarding our geeked out supersoldiers

[–] JustSo@hexbear.net 12 points 1 week ago

What is this some sorta soviet push in the kush?

[–] FALGSConaut@hexbear.net 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I have one of those I bought off eBay a few years ago lol

[–] segfault11@hexbear.net 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

~~stolen~~ purchased valor

[–] Kallestar@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

That was a super fun rabbit hole to go through. I found a Russian ebay-esque site with a bunch of varieties on this here
This one was my favorite design мастеру коноплеводства

[–] anotherspinelessdem@lemmy.ml 25 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Cool, gonna pre-emptively apply and get drug tested coked up just to get blacklisted early

Gets admitted

😮

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Just act really confused at the firing range and when the drill sergeant comes over to yell at you, just unload into him at close range

[–] anotherspinelessdem@lemmy.ml 24 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I hear killing your CO in the US gets you into the special heaven, the one with John Brown and the heroin clouds.

[–] JustSo@hexbear.net 11 points 1 week ago

lets-fucking-go NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THE HEROIN CLOUDS

[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It doesn't get you out of any armed services, unless your CO doesn't like you, from what I'm hearing.

[–] anotherspinelessdem@lemmy.ml 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah they put me in something called "The Marines", so maybe I'll get to hang out at the beach?

[–] JustSo@hexbear.net 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I think thats the worst one because you do homoerotic stuff all day but aren't allowed to kiss at night.

[–] anotherspinelessdem@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 week ago

Shit, what about handholding?

[–] Tabitha@hexbear.net 22 points 1 week ago (2 children)

noooo that's like the upper half of my dating pool!

[–] Tabitha@hexbear.net 20 points 1 week ago (3 children)

The eligible bachelor shortage crises in NYC is already it's own dystopian nightmare, this will cause a massive semen famine the likes of which have never historically been seen before.

[–] juniper@hexbear.net 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

i am single and ready to mingle but only if you don't touch me and we read biodiversity collapse statistics together without eye contact

[–] JustSo@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago
[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 11 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Not enough Midwestern oafs moving to NYC to strengthen its holds with their opes and "let me just scootch right past you here"

[–] Tabitha@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago (2 children)

The city women yearn for the scootch.

[–] anotherspinelessdem@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 week ago

Sounds dirty

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 4 points 1 week ago

Too used to people being like "Ey, i'm walking over heah!"

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[–] anotherspinelessdem@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 week ago

The Samine, if you will

[–] JoeByeThen@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago

Lol, now's my chance.

[–] Evilsandwichman@hexbear.net 20 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Can we do a study on what enlistment by income bracket looks like? I'm sure we won't discover anything dodgy

[–] stink@lemmygrad.ml 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] Collatz_problem@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago

TBH, it is interesting, which quintile provides desk jockeys and which quintile provides cannon fodder.

[–] Evilsandwichman@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Any study by a group other than these guys? The heritage foundation are a hugely Trump supporting Republican think tank.

[–] stink@lemmygrad.ml 6 points 1 week ago

Yeah I'm hip, just pulled the first chart I saw but there was a lot of discourse here because of this statistic after Graham Platnerification and how libs like to handwash committing warcrimes because they "had to pay for college" or some other BS

[–] FnordPrefect@hexbear.net 18 points 1 week ago

melon-musk I tried to get them to increase it to 420 for Epic Fury but they didn't get my epic humor

[–] Acute_Engles@hexbear.net 10 points 1 week ago

Seems like things are going well

[–] Gerudo@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 week ago

They are raising the enlistment cap to 42? Are you kidding me?

[–] articpiecitylights@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 week ago

Wow y'all are really doing this shit again, eh? Surely this will all be over very quickly. Any day now. The wars already won anyways, right?!

Anyways, have fun!

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