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My ex has been ranting to people about how I’m such a slut, while at the same time pestering me about him coming to Switzerland to see me and getting back together. I don’t get this mindset.

top 22 comments
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[–] Quexotic@infosec.pub 1 points 1 hour ago

I think more than anything else, hurt people hurt people.

[–] anton2492@lemmy.nz 3 points 2 hours ago

He's having his (hate) cake and eating it too.

His true colours were yet to reveal themselves. Now you can see the size of the bullet you just missed.

[–] FirmDistribution@lemmy.world 5 points 10 hours ago

Maybe he has low self-esteem and believes that you're only going to be with him if he makes you feel bad (i.e get you down on his level).

Needless to say, it's a very harmful behavior to him and specially to you.

[–] ada@piefed.blahaj.zone 70 points 19 hours ago (3 children)

It's emotional manipulation designed to make you feel worthless and unlovable to others and yourself, whilst also making you feel like the only person that actually wants you is him. The ultimate goal is to keep you with him, no matter what he does by making you believe that only he will put up with you.

[–] SeductiveTortoise@piefed.social 11 points 16 hours ago

On top of that, I would guess he's an idiot.

[–] OriginEnergySux@lemmy.world 7 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago)
[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 2 points 18 hours ago

This right here.

[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 19 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Congrats, you spotted a flag! You seem a bit confused about the color. It's red, very very red! Here is why:

He's angry at you. Why? Because you don't do as he says or wants.

He then trash talks about you. Why? Because he is angry, and wants to hurt you, but not openly on your face no no. Because if he did hurt you openly, he knows you are smart enough to never again do what he wants and as he says.

Did you get that right? I said, He wants to hurt you

Finally, he asks you to go be with him. Why? Well he wants you for something. But if it were to give you love and affection, he wouldn't be trash talking about you in the first place. He just wants someone to validate him, someone he can control. Obviously. Nobody in their right mind wants someone who they say is a slut and they are angry at. Unless, of course, you can still fulfill his need for validation and control.

Run away Don't give this person the time of the day

[–] felsiq@piefed.zip 1 points 1 hour ago

You know the fediverse is doing great when even cryptozoology specimens are on here giving good life advice

[–] IWW4@lemmy.zip 19 points 18 hours ago

OP it is pretty obvious.

Your ex is a total piece of shit.

[–] HenriVolney@sh.itjust.works 11 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

100% toxic destructive behavior. It is a very well researched and doculented pattern. Next steps: guilt triggering, indirect threat, verbal abuse, direct threat (including against self), physical abuse. Sometimes it ends with an attempted homicide or outright murder.

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 3 points 14 hours ago

You can't draw that conclusion from the available information.

Bro was just dumped, so he very well could just be venting his emotions to the wrong people.

It doesn't justify his behavior, but his behavior doesn't automatically mean he's an abusive person.

[–] Qzr@programming.dev 9 points 18 hours ago

Hello from Switzerland 👋

Agree with all the other comments, that's just manipulative. I guess he's also hurt, but that doesn't excuse his behavior. I've also been hurt in the past and I understand the impulse to lash out, but it doesn't lead anywhere if you do, so... better keep your distance.

[–] zxqwas@lemmy.world 11 points 20 hours ago

Wild guess: Emotional overload causes inability to shut up. Not knowing what to do causes incoherent behavior.

[–] remon@ani.social 5 points 19 hours ago

It's called being a teenager.

[–] quediuspayu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

That might be just venting, but not knowing how or with who is not a good sign, quite immature.

I've been there, wanting to say awful things about someone I wanted to get back with. You either vent with someone that knows you don't really mean it or just shut the fuck up and suck it up.

[–] MagicShel@lemmy.zip 4 points 19 hours ago

You've bruised his ego by rejecting him in favor of sexual agency. Society says that is a corrupt thing for a woman to do, which provides the means of lashing out for the perceived insult.

Beyond that I would have to speculate too much about his state of mind. It could be sexual conquest. It could be genuine heartbreak. Men's egos are often fragile at young ages, and frequently they don't know their own minds.

Even if you were so inclined, that would be creating a precedent for tolerating such treatment, and that would be unhealthy all the way around.

[–] HuudaHarkiten@piefed.social 4 points 19 hours ago

You guys broke up, he's immature, doesn't know how to deal with his emotions and takes it out on mocking you.

Just ignore/block him.

Hmm ill be a slut can I visit him km switzerland

[–] Djehngo@lemmy.world 2 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago)

I don't think there is much of a thought process. Or at least his actions are emotionally consistent but not intellectual consistent.

Being broken up with is painful, either as a sense of loss or as ego pain.

In order to make both disappear he needs to get back with you, but if he only cares about making the ego pain disappear he just needs to convince himself he is better off without you, and the easy way to convince yourself of something is to convince others.

So both actions are just him responding to (what I assume is) ego pain, neither of them are necessarily informed by his true perception of who you are.

Edit: none of this excuses his actions btw, it's meant as a way to understand why he is saying cruel things and to understand that the things he is saying have no basis in reality.

How did your boyfriend talk about you to third parties while you were together?

[–] Zwuzelmaus@feddit.org 1 points 17 hours ago

him coming to Switzerland to see me and getting back together.

Why don't you tell him that you have moved on to Moldova now?

/s

[–] mech@feddit.org 1 points 18 hours ago