No Stupid Questions

Fuck if I know. I volunteer. I joined a community choir. I am mildly social at the coffee shop. There's a local bar/restaurant with picnic table seating and the culture is you can talk with anyone you are seated by as long as you're civil. People still go to churches. There's PTAs and stuff for your kids. Just a few ideas.

Sell the car. Move into a tiny 3br apartment with roommates in a walkable city.

Date your roommate's friends. They'll date yours.

Change roommates occasionally.

The internet and being willing to move cross country

Imagine finding the perfect partner, getting married, moving in together etc.

Now that you're married and that's all settled, where do the two of you go for fun? Where do the two of you go to get out of the house?

Go there.

good question, it’s not been going well for me

Meet people: hobby or spiritual community are the two big ones most people meet a partner at. Look up cheap hobbies in particular something like a walking club.

Cheap places to take a girl:

• fish around in conversations for her favorite food. Pick the prettiest spot within walking distance. Pick somewhere out of the way but visible to passerby like the edge of a park. Check the calendar for favorable weather. Bring a blanket, that favorite food, and anything needed to make the environment comfy like an umbrella.

• if it's just not the time of year for favorable weather book a library or community center presentation room and in addition to food fish around in convos for a favorite movie. Still bring a large blanket and push the tables and wheely chairs out of the way.

Any partner who finds effort over cash undesirable is just not a good fit for your life right now.

Best answer I've ever had for this was 'find something to support.' It can be anything. Just find a space where you have people trying to do something for the benefit of others with some bare minimum cost of entry. The group coming from people trying to help others will bias it toward nicer people. The cost of entry, even something small like $5/mo or physically present volunteering, deters anonymous trolling.

The other good option is classes. Doing things to improve your skills in something is generally worthwhile anyway, but it also puts you in contact with other people who share an interest.

What do you enjoy doing that’s not work and not “adulting”?

Find a hobby. Then find a group that shares that hobby. Clean up a park day, maybe.

Or find a charity or nonprofit that needs volunteers.

The local library probably has things going on, too.

Find a third space whether it’s the magic the gsthering shop and shop tournies or church or a knitting circle ran by the local yarn shop.

Volunteer. Audition for community theater. Get a job. Join a hiking group. Take an adult learning class. Download a dating app. Get yourself out there.

Always gonna plug disc sports when threads like this pop up. Ultimate Frisbee is fun and if you live in even a minor city there's usually a rec league to join. Has the best culture of any sport IMO, full of the chilliest most accepting people who are always looking for more people to join and with rec leagues people will sometimes go out to the bar after to hang out.

Disc golf is also great for meeting people if you're not as into cardio. Can join tournaments and they'll usually pair you up with people. Or just go solo to the course and occasionally someone else will offer to let you join their round or if you're waiting with another solo at a hole you can offer to let them join you.

Both are also very cheap activities, Frisbee you just need cleats and to pay ~$50 for a rec league season. Disc golf is basically free once you get discs.

Work and hobbies

Work and shared hobbies. I recently went to buy some hardwood from a work colleague. We don’t even work the same shift but they’re fond of asking what I’m building or showing me what they’re building because who else are they going to talk to about their hobby (I imagine).

We’re not friends, but there’s this hobby. I get there and it’s not a mere business transaction nor do we talk work. It almost had a kid feel to it. Like when you crossed the hedge to the yard of the kid next door and he welcomes you because it’s more fun if you can show off and share your toys. Only as adults. Kudos on reclaiming a small piece of that.

Adulthood is such a roadblock sometimes.

Coed recreational sports team. Lots of them are mostly social with a little bit of sports tossed in. And almost all of them are looking for more players.

Hobby groups. For board games, hiking, sports, etc.

You already have a shared interest, makes things easier.

meetups, conventions, conferences, concerts, bars, hobbies, etc. It might be easier for me because I live in a very populous region, but I’ve found it pretty easy to meet people. 90%+ of those people don’t end up becoming long term friends, but that’s just how it is.

Also, the easiest way to start a conversation is to ask a question. “Hey what’s that?” “What are you doing?” It takes time to get a good feel for whether or not someone is actually looking for a conversation based on their response, but it is a skill anyone can learn and there’s generally no harm in short chats with strangers in public spaces.

Get a hobby, go to events, find social circles, and drink at the sort of bars you can chat with strangers at.

I met my wife at a dungeon, but I know that's not to most people's tastes.

For me, it was always through work. Meeting co-workers after work, and meeting other people that way.

You do need to make an effort, though, instead of excuses.

You simply don't—you die alone.

Enjoy. 👌

As much as everyone hates dating apps, it’s dating apps. Keep an open mind and go on dates looking to just get to know another person. Apps put a large swath of people in your view that otherwise you may not have crossed paths with.

Otherwise, church, bars, hobby meet ups.

Well, I don't live in a place like that, so there's that. Consider moving to a better city for young people for a few years.