this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2026
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Have you ever loved somebody so much that you gave zero consideration to desiring anyone else, even in passing? (lemmy.ml)
submitted 1 day ago by tastemyglaive@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
15 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

If you still desired others it wasn't #truelove IMHO but I understand this has become controversial in some circles.

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[–] Count042@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

In this thread: people mistaking NRE for "true love"

Love is as much a time based thing as it is work/romance/sex/chemical.

It involves seeing the other person at their weakest and being there to help them, and vice versa. It involves seeing them mistreat you, but you know why because you know them and their triggers and forgiving them. (That last bit can be confused with forgiving abusers, which is not the same. If someone physically hurts you, it isn't love, and contrition is a required step.)

It involves giving them freedom to make mistakes and hurting themselves and being there to help them up.

It is so much more that delineating it down to ' I must love them cause I'm not sexually attracted to anyone else right now' is a cheap and sad way of describing love.

[–] IWW4@lemmy.zip 14 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Desire is a sexual thing. Loving someone is a commitment and investment thing.

I have been in love with my wife for decades and would never step out on her, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate that really sexy chick at the beach..

So no, for me.

[–] Master@sh.itjust.works 3 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

I think this is the closets answer to my view on this topic. To me desire and love are separate. You can desire other people. That is just sexual attraction. But love is being honest with your partner and not acting in any way that would betray that relationship with your partner.

[–] racketlauncher831@lemmy.ml 1 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

Can't someone asexually desire someone else?

[–] IWW4@lemmy.zip 2 points 12 hours ago

Yes of course. That would just be freindship.

[–] Master@sh.itjust.works 1 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

How would that work? Honest question. Is that like buying something and storing it away just so you one it and no one else can use it?

That doesnt feel like desire to me.

[–] racketlauncher831@lemmy.ml 2 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

To be honest too, I don't know. I just know that I love (or whichever word you assign meaning to) her a lot. I want her to be happy, but I don't want to have sex with her, nor do I want to have a formal romantic relationship with her.

I would like to emotionally, financially, or non-financially (like as simple as help pick up a parcel for example) contribute to her and ask for absolute no reciprocation.

If she eventually has a relationship with some one else, my heart would hurt a lot, but I would still be happy for her.

[–] Master@sh.itjust.works 2 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Thanks for explaining it. I can understand it now but it still feels very foreign to me.

Kind of feels more parental than spousal. if i look at it like that it makes more sense. but im sure that is still not exactly how you picture it.

[–] racketlauncher831@lemmy.ml 1 points 14 minutes ago

Thank you for your vocabulary too.πŸ˜‚ "Parental" is still off but not by a lot. I am far from old enough to be her dad, but a big brother I would accept the deal. "I do", haha.

[–] Elextra@literature.cafe 14 points 1 day ago

I don't subscribe to this. I am happily married to my husband but understand love is very dynamic and monogamy isn't for everyone. There's also polyamory, asexuals, etc.

On a more personal level, I don't desire anyone else and neither does my husband but we have a very healthy relationship with no jealousy. We are both secure and discuss attractability of others we sometimes find in passing (I.e. we witnessed a guy full sprint laps around us while on vacation walking around botanical gardens. He was a beast). If someone good looking, charismatic, or intelligent, that is just our perception of them.

[–] leavenotrace@feddit.nu 12 points 1 day ago

I can appreciate beautiful/charming women when I meet them, and sometimes I even get flustered talking to them. But I wouldn't say I desire them. My girlfriend is peak woman IMO, the perfect partner for me. As long as she's with me then I don't need another person in that way.

That said, I've absolutely been in relationships in the past where I desired others and wondered what it would be like to be with someone else.

[–] AnnaFrankfurter@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 day ago

Yes just today when I was going to office I saw someone so beautiful. But alas she walked away so now I'll look for someone else when going home. \s

[–] SmoothOperator@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

No. But I know true love, so I'd say you're wrong.

[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 1 points 1 day ago

Yes.