inside the bag was a barbecue fork and a pizza cutter
Please tell me his middle name was Mario
this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2026
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"Hey, it's a me, Mario. I'm a here to save you."
Rookie mistake. Just put on random camo and a face mask, demand to have him for deportation, and shoot anyone who asks for id.
Let’s assume this would’ve worked and he was broken out of prison. What next? Where the fuck would they go?
Nearest corporate board meet
Then a dennys. Fuck McDonald’s.
Mushroom Kingdom.
Hey. Call your squeamish dem leaders and demand a pardon.
Anderson said he had weapons in his bag, and inside the bag was a barbecue fork and a pizza cutter, according to the criminal complaint.
I need to know what the pizza cutter was for
The fact that Anderson said it was a weapon is even more hilarious, like he's some dollar store ninja ready to kill people with a pizza cutter, lmfao.
Gotta have a celebratory pizza after the heist.
No. You dont want to know. The evils that men do with pizza cutters.
the horrors must be mostly imaginary because my pizza cutter can barely cut pizza, what is the bluntness the point.
The horrors are beyond imaginary.
It's probably just because he's Italian
The person worked at a pizza shop so multiple possible explanations
I'm sure by "pizza cutter" they mean a mezzaluna, so yes
That's basically what Pizza Hut uses rather than the wheel blades. Just a massive rocker knife.
I've never thought of using those for cutting pie, but I can see that it ought to work fairly well.
It's how you cut through the prison bars, obviously.
I was kind of imagining him trying to cut the link between handcuffs with it. Definitely the right tool for the job!
After breakout snack
That pizza cutter feels almost racist in this context 😆 If Luigi was named Paddy Murphy, would he have brought a potato masher instead?
Mark Anderson Mr. Anderson
When Bureau of Prisons personnel asked to see Anderson's credentials, federal prosecutors said he showed them a Minnesota driver's license and "threw at the BOP officers numerous documents."
What does that even mean?
Sounds like he tried to flood then with so much paperwork that theyd just believe him. I dont think they mean literally threw papers but im just going of vibes here.
I'm imagining fine print from credit card offers, etc. I mean, I guess it could work, on any given day, with the right (or wrong, depending on perspective) desk Sarge, but with a high profile prisoner? Come on...
Alternately, I suppose they could have been a bit more creative and printed off some official forms and attempted to fill them out, but still...
Fortune does not always favor the bold, apparently.
I feel would imagine that prison is not letting anybody out without an in-person visit from somebody very high up.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metropolitan_Detention_Center,_Brooklyn
Check out the "Notable Inmates"
Oh man, I saw loads of videos of this guy on 4chan
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GypsyCrusader
Didn't know he's in prison
What even is racketeering? Sounds like something they made up when they can't charge you with anything real.
Wowee.
I thought he's already cleared of all charges
Innocent of them, certainly. It's widely known. All the best people are saying it.
Bold Move! Buy the man a drink; put it on my tab.