this post was submitted on 21 Jan 2026
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The (English) names of the planets were dubbed by ancient Romans (and presumably before that the Greeks) based on their ancient gods that few people believe in, hell, most people don't know why the planets are named such anymore.

If I remember correctly:

  • Mercury was named after the messenger god as it travelled the sky the fastest (shortest orbit around the Sun)
  • Venus was named after the goddess of love and beauty as it was the second brightest object in the night sky, after the Moon
  • Mars was named after the god of war, as it was blood red
  • Jupiter was named after the king of the Gods (Zeus in Greek mythos), I guess because it was the largest? Also, it was the second slowest planet the ancient Romans could see
  • Saturn was named after Jupiter's father (Cronus in Greek mythos) as it moved in the sky even slower than Jupiter
  • Uranus was discovered around 1800s and named after the father of Saturn and the titans, and a bunch of other legends. I guess going from grandson to grandfather when going from Jupiter to Uranus? Uranus was also the god of the sky I think (at least, initially. Then I think Uranus was killed by Saturn, who was then subsequently killed by Jupiter because Saturn kept on eating his own children)
  • Finally, Neptune was discovered later, and named after the Roman god of the sea since it looked very blue

Sorry Pluto, but you're not a planet anymore. I think Pluto was named after the god of the underworld (equiv. of Hades), it was that or the god of wealth. Maybe both?

Given all the additional information, data, images, etc. we know of the planets, if they were to be renamed, what should the new names be? What are some good names that let people know a signature characteristic of each planet? (ideally, including people unfamiliar with Roman mythos)

Silly names are okay too, but only if they are really good

If you are a Pluto believer, you could give a new name for it too.

Note that many non-English languages name the planets using a different system. For example, Chinese names the naked-eye-observable five after the 5 "elements" (e.g. Mars is literally translated as "fire star", Saturn is "earth star"), then the newly discovered Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto are translations of the western names (e.g. Neptune is "king/ruler of the sea star")

edit: Some people like 1-8. I guess that would match with hypothetical Planet 9? (or X if you're a Pluto believer) Wouldn't be all that helpful though, and it makes the planets feel rigid, boring, and not very fun at all.

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[–] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 1 points 4 hours ago

Myanus, Theiranus, Heranus, Hisanus, Ouranus

[–] KingOfTheCouch@lemmy.ca 2 points 16 hours ago

I don't know about the rest but we gotta rename Uranus so people stop making juvenile jokes. I propose Urectum.

[–] ikidd@lemmy.world 5 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago)

Pluto

Pluto

Pluto

Pluto

Pluto

Pluto

Pluto

Pluto

Herman

[–] PM_me_your_doggo@lemmy.world 2 points 17 hours ago

Mercury Venus FUCK Mars Jupiter Saturn Uranus Steve

[–] Contramuffin@lemmy.world 1 points 15 hours ago

I mean... If we treated the sun to be just another star (ie, if the astronomers got their way), the planets would probably be called Sol b, Sol c, Sol d, Sol e, Sol f, Sol g, Sol h, and Sol i.

Sol a would be reserved for the sun, of course.

[–] mech@feddit.org 22 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Mercury = Moth (circling closest to the sun)
Venus = Ant (has acid)
Earth = Scarab (shining blue where it isn't covered in dung)
Mars = Firebug (red)
Jupiter = Dragonfly (biggest insect)
Saturn = Wasp (has rings around it)
Uranus = Phasmid (slowest moving)
Neptune = Midge (insect found in the coldest climates)
Pluto = Tick (tiny and not actually an insect)

[–] sbeak@sopuli.xyz 4 points 1 day ago

Neat. Insects are pretty cool.

[–] gjoel@programming.dev 10 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

Muffin
Bluey
Bingo <- you are here
Lucky
Bandit
Chili
Stripe
Trixie

I know earth might be more bluey than Venus, but I would love to live on Bingo. And we're kinda like fleas anyway so I think the theme is a good one.

[–] Nemo@slrpnk.net 5 points 1 day ago

This is Socks erasure!

[–] sbeak@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 day ago
[–] sanguinepar@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

I'd go with:

Mercury - Who
Venus - What
Earth - I Dunno
Mars - Why
Jupiter - Because
Saturn - Naturally
Uranus - Tomorrow
Neptune - Today
Pluto - I Don't Give A Darn

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

Grey, white, green, red, stripey, ringy, lightblue and darkblue

EDIT: I was misinformed about uranus and neptune. Instead I suggest re-renaming them to "Blue" and "splotchy Blue"

[–] remon@ani.social 7 points 1 day ago (3 children)

green

Yes, let's name the famously blue planet "green".

[–] slazer2au@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (2 children)

But how will we tell the difference as Neptune is more blue

[–] nightwatch_admin@feddit.nl 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)
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[–] remon@ani.social 3 points 1 day ago

Blue Planet II

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[–] e0qdk@reddthat.com 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

darkblue

It's also light blue; pictures of it were just always published with exaggerated colors for a long time. It's actually more like this if you do better color calibration, apparently:

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I learned a thing today!

Maybe "splotchy blue"

[–] palordrolap@fedia.io 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Innie, Spinny, Sh-thole, Bob; Spotty, Hula, Turquoise, Outie. (Phteven)

Bonus bonus: Cark. Ceres gets to keep its initial like Pluto.

Spinny is ironic.

If you want serious... uh, well you could attempt to apply exoplanet order-of-discovery and label things Sol x where x is the order letter, but I think that gives (Sol) c, d, a, e, f, g, h, i. "b" would be the Moon, stricken from the list, or renamed to a-something once it was identified as a non-planet.

[–] sbeak@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Bob is our true god of war

[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

•Splorf

•Splorfolopolis

•Splorfolopeltron

•Splorfonemoene

•Splorfemonetruvya

•Splorficklenepplestein

•Kroink

[–] CameronDev@programming.dev 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I'd rename Pluto after Mickey's dog

[–] DosDude@retrolemmy.com 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Goofy is a dog. I think you mean Mickey's dog.

[–] CameronDev@programming.dev 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Err, yeah, that. I dunno why I thought he was Goofys. Thanks :)

[–] stoy@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 day ago

It would be kinda interesting to have a more sci fi naming scheme, instead of living on "Earth", we could call it "Sol-3", or what about "Sol Prime"?

[–] dreadbeef@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 day ago

one of the 8 planets is being renamed pluto

[–] Zier@fedia.io 3 points 1 day ago

Sun -Luma

Atto Breen Celion Dek Euton Frim Greva Holo

For good measure... Pluto -Isela

[–] remon@ani.social 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Rhaedas@fedia.io 4 points 1 day ago

Sol I - VIII

[–] tiredofsametab@fedia.io 3 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Bake, pressure cook, ferment, dry, poisony squish, weak poisny squish, freezy squish, freezy squish 2: revenge of the squish, and various flavors of "freeze dry" for the TNOs

[–] wildncrazyguy138@fedia.io 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You just named them after your poops, didn’t you?

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[–] sbeak@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 day ago

Interesting

[–] HazardousBanjo@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

From Mercury to Neptune:

Bob

Lindsay

SpicyDiccMcThunderNutzzz

Nelson

Jimmy

Sarah

Hannah

Toby

[–] LORDSMEGMA@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 day ago

I'm slightly disappointed there isn't a Frank in there. Maybe one of Jimmy's moons could be named Frank

[–] VivianRixia@piefed.social 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Flash, Mina, Ivy, Nanaki, Ororo, Elsa, Addams, Manhattan, Wheatley

Flash is fastest.
Mina is acidic.
Ivy is full of plants.
Nanaki is red.
Ororo is famous for it's storms.
Elsa is best known for it's beautiful ice.
Addams is an oddball that does it's own thing.
Manhattan is blue.
Wheatley is rejected by it's peers.

[–] HorikBrun@kbin.earth 2 points 1 day ago

Groucho Harpo Chico Zeppo Gummo ... Mario Aragorn And Geront (just to be an edgy goth twit)

[–] FoolsQuartz@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Uranus was (...) named after the father of Saturn and the titans. I guess going from grandson to grandfather when going from Jupiter to Uranus?

I was wondering what the reason was! I'm glad there's a good reason for all the names because I've always felt that they're all a good fit.

  • Venus would make more sense as "haephaestus/vulcan" IMO

  • "Ceres" the large-and-round asteroid doesn't make much sense, because obviously no grain or agricultural stuff going on there. How about - "Persephone/Prosepina," since it's locked in the asteroid belt much like she was trapped in the underworld, and yet also has great potential to be a planet of its own.

EDIT: Apparently Ceres is a dwarf planet now, and Proserpina is an asteroid... i would rename that one though.

I think - given how many astronomical bodies there are - it might be a good idea, looking forward, to just label planets based on their proximity to their capital star. Boring answer, yes, but it's the only thing I vibe with other than MVEMJSUNP

So:

  • Sol 1 = Mercury
  • Sol 2 = Venus
  • Sol 3 = Earth

OR

  • Rocky Sol
  • Acidy Sol
  • Earthy(?) Sol / Life Sol
  • Deserty Sol
  • Gassy Stormy Sol... oh wait they're all gassy and stormy from this point onwards.

Earth should almost definitely be called Terra btw... in-line with the other Roman Gods.

[–] sbeak@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

p.s. if the ancient planets were named by monotheists (that's the word, right? Like how atheist means believing in no god, monotheist means believing in just one god) and were named after their god (singular), they would all probably be simply called "God" (maybe something like "God's hand" and "God's head" if they wanted to be smart about it?)

[–] breadsmasher@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (3 children)
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[–] sbeak@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

If it were up to me, I would go with:

Mercury -> Planet Grey Rubble / Rockland

Venus -> Acid Death Cloud / Planet Acid Yellow / Acid Deathland

Earth -> Planet Dirt / Homeland

Mars -> Red Rovertopia / Planet Red Rover / Red Roverland

Jupiter -> Planet Big / Bigland

Saturn -> Great (Onion) Rings / Planet Ringring (or Planet Onion Rings) / (Onion) Ringland

Uranus -> Toppled Side / Planet Sideways / Sideland

Neptune -> Planet Storm / Thunderland

Bold are the non-"standardised" names, non-bold are the names that could be standardised, "Planet A" or "Zland"

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