Pepper spray? Out
Laptop so big you can bludgeon an assailant to death? In
this post was submitted on 15 Jan 2026
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or that, you know a lithium ion ups would make that work really well
You have to use 90's tech to keep it on theme, so it would have to be NiCad or lead acid
ouch, we're stuck with lead acid then, nicad lacks energy density
Removeable 👏 battery 👏 with 👏 an 👏 👏👏👏👏 (I don't know how to do these) 👏 with 👏 deposit system 👏 security updates open sourced
If your laptop doesn't keep a week of battery life on a full load after a year sitting in Death Valley, can't be used to deflect bullets without any damage to it, and can't hold a 16-wheeler jacked up while you change its tires, and still run Cyberpunk 2077 modded at max settings afterwards, better get a desktop instead.
Everything except the disc reader and writer. Laptops are mobile, I can carry a usb drive if I need extra space, not lug around a bunch of discs.
At my work, we have some ruggedized Dells that are certified for extreme and/or explosive environments that you definitely wouldn't want to get hit with. I have to lug one in my carry on from time to time, I think they're 8-11ish pounds depending on options. Good battery life, pricey as hell though.
I watched someone get fully knocked out when a milspec dell slid off a roof onto them - those things are no joke.
Shout-out to my college laptop, a hand-me-down CF-27 Toughbook with a handle. It was a beast and sturdy AF. I could check email, take notes , play nethack, and ssh into my desktop if I needed anything more intense.
My ThinkPad T-480 running Linux Mint, my beloved ❤️❤️❤️
Dang, one of the few that can run free firmware. Put libreboot on that thing! If you haven't already
I haven't, but I've been heavily considering it
I've done one before, it was an involved process but doable with the right tools. I think it's easier on the T480s than the older thinkpads though
Is there a way to install LibreBoot, without screwing up my main Linux Mint install? Or would I have to back up my shit, and reinstall from scratch?
Eh, heavy laptops are a pain
Speaking as someone who used an ASUS ROG laptop for Uni
You don't want a heavy laptop
Speaking as somebody who uses a W530 with a 9 cell battery, it's really not that bad
screen big enough to blind people behind me.
I don't think the size of the screen would make a difference for causing blindness. You want a brighter screen. But then it would also blind you 🤷♂️
He's referring to those:
What is selective high beam, and how does it work?
Seems like they even put them on cars nowadays, probably jacking up the prize for laptop buyers.
I agree with all of this. And seriously, bring back an actual built in ethernet port. Even the best USB adapters are terrible.
14" screen 16x10 2560x1600 res dual video so i can use low power or light gaming.
Enough nits to see it outside in direct sun
Keyboard with a little travel, power button outside the keyboard.
touchpad the size of a 2010 smart phone with good palm rejection
14 hours of battery life, 3 hours of gaming
USBC charging, battery charge indicator with a button so i can see power when it's off.
2 usbc thunderbolt, 3 usb a 3.1+, minisd card reader, microsd card reader.
Headphone jack, ethernet jack, HDMI port.
Bluetooth and Not killer wifi.
Speakers with enough range not to sound like total ass, volume that doesn't clip when turned up.
Memory accessible by opening 2 screws.
The newest Ideapad Slim 5 16" AMD ticks all of those boxes.
That bludging someone to death is a safety feature, so you can defend yourself in case someone attacks you.
13" screen max
then just make it thicc
Laptops already reached the maximum limit of a battery you can take on an airplane. 100 to 160 Wh batteries need airline approval before you can bring it onto the airplane and anything about 160Wh is forbidden. So yeah larger batteries are not gonna happen, until solid state batteries become the norm.
Or hear me out, sell one with a removable battery so I shove a fuck off big battery in that sonovabitch. I ain't getting on a plane so let me jam a batter that could power the electrical system in my 2001 Tacoma for a week.
solid state batteries
Also known as, the essential oils and healing crystals of the battery industry.
I think I see a "company" announce at least once a year they cracked solid state. Cue "Can I see it?" - "No." meme.
So 99wh swappable is the sweet spot?
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Framework baby 😎
There are refurbished laptops that have pretty decent specs and a whole array of ports, y'know.
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