Ask Lemmy

idk about marrying but I'm in my early 40s and have long term dated a few mothers, some with kids in their late teens. In short, it entails responsibility and tact.

Being a recurring kinda-parental / adult figure in a kid's life has an impact on their notion of what adults do, don't do and what kind of adult they aspire to be. This entails responsibility. Forming any kind of meaningful bond then having it go away has an impact on anyone, but on children it can be harsher. If you have a heart you don't mess around with a mother that you're not really interested in and you should only meet their kids if you're serious in wanting something stable/long term.

Basically It entails a lot of responsibility that you can either assume or risk making not only the mother's, but some poor kids' lives harder. If you don't care about any of that, that's up to you (but also, you're an asshole).

Lots of wonderful women are mothers, though, and many are more than worth the extra care.

Was that guy named Emmanuel Macron? He met his wife when he was 15 and she was 39. He was in a class with her daughter.

I actually married the daughter of my son’s wife, and I can only advise against that construct.

It will depend on who the two people are and how they handle things.

When I met with my future wife she had a son. I fell in love with both of them and after we were married I adopted him. 33 years later we are still going strong.

Marriage is marriage man. Dating in an entertainment package

Marrying is a partnership to deal with challenges of living. .

My wife was a mother already when I married her. Of course, I was the father of her children and we'd lived together for years at that point. But it still counts!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Kay_Letourneau

Family values behind the Orange Curtain

"Sweet Home Alabama" jokes aside, if you mean "someone else's mother," it means you have a step-child.

If you're (I know, not you, OP, but rather, the person you heard about) 17 and dating an adult who has a 12-year-old daughter, that's gonna cause some friction because the age range is so close there. She's not gonna be a stepdaughter, she's gonna be more like a stepsister. She's not gonna see a teenage boy as a father figure. She might even try to kiss him to get between them (or because she's curious). Yeah, it's not something you wanna think about it, but you can bet she's thought of it.

Any time you date someone with a kid, regardless of the age gap between the two people dating, or the gap between the non-parent and their dating partner's child, the first thing to note is that the child will always come first in priority in their parent's life. If not, they're not a good parent, and won't make a good partner, either. Specifically referring to people who date abusive partners, and look the other way when that person abuses their child — or blames the child, or accuses the child of initiating the abuse.

But assuming everyone is good and acting in good faith, even though it's not "your" kid, if you have long-term plans with the kid's mum, you have to plan on that being your kid as well. If you're not ready to sign papers and adopt that child as your own, you really have no business sleeping with his or her mum. You should be honest that this isn't long-term and you're not ready to commit to having a family and be honest that way. You can still hook up with the mum. You can even be friends with the kid. But don't string the mum along, and don't give the kid false hope that they can trust another adult if they can't.

And regarding having another child, never put the child you have together over the child your partner already had. If the previous child says "of course you love them more, they're your child," you have to reassure them somehow that they're your child as well and you'll always be there for them regardless of blood relation.

For example, I once heard a story about how a guy about 17 years old was dating his teacher who had a twelve-year-old daughter, and I heard they got married and had another child.

Where was that? Cos I'm getting "Rural America"

TBH it would probably be fun unless your step-children are WAY older than you, I figure the guy in your example had it best. And I can't help but think "lucky her" for the teacher mom.

There's the argument that you're sacrificing dating people you're own age but some of us just vibe better with older ladies.

My English teacher at high school apparently married an ex-student about 1 year after he finished school. Nothing underhanded, they just met up again and struck it up. She was built nicely, like Sofia Vergara.