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A collection of some classic Lemmy memes for your enjoyment
Yeah. I got over my hangups about small talk when I started working for a well-known people person with a big, room-filling personality. Watching him "work" several people a day, I realized he was just on autopilot, repeating the same lines over and over like an NPC. I realized, "shit, I can do that."
I saw some mudcrabs the other day. Horrid creatures.
It's me. I'm one of the great many who needed this. Thank you OP!
Damn well this was the perspective change I needed today
If I helped one person, more than worth the tiny effort!
This post is quite profound
A lot of my problems with social interactions almost completely disappeared when I realized humans are just animals and treating them as such makes recognizing behavioral patterns a lot easier.
I have no fucking clue how to do small talk. I tend to get too serious too fast and feel very incompetent and overwhelmed with this kind of almost meaningless noise. So it either ends in awkward silence or in me saying something too heavy for that kind of conversation, which tends to make things awkward as well.
Example, option A:
"It's so nice and warm today."
"Yeah, but did you know that death rates of sensitive population groups like elderly have increased due to more and intense heatwaves caused by global warming?"
Option B:
"It's so nice and warm today."
"Yeah."
[silence]
Maybe I should get checked for autism, lol.
Maybe I should get checked for autism, lol.
Def. do that, but also, you just need more practice whether you're on the spectrum or not.
You are in your own head too much. You have a lot of ideas about big things that are straining at the seams to share with someone so you're not making it about "making friendly noises" with a stranger or casual acquaintance.
The good news is there's a surefire cure to this, but again, it takes practice so you don't forget how to do this one simple trick to making people like you and make friends who will then want to go on to talk about deep things.
ASK QUESTIONS.
They say "Wow that game last night was wild" and you say "Yah? what was your favorite part?"
They say "I hope the weather clears this weekend" you say.... NO, NOT DESCRIBING HOW WEATHER WORKS, you ask "What did you have planned?" and so on.
The key here is to set yourself aside. Make it the "Them Show" and they are the star. You are not going to form a lasting friendship by saying the right things at the right time, you won't get noticed at work by one awesome chat. You do these things by repetition and consistency. Do not "fast forward" in your mind when they are talking, you have to ACTUALLY LISTEN, and set aside whatever is boiling up in your mind to spill out.
If people start associating you with them being able to be the star for a minute, if you make them feel good about sharing their lives, they will start wanting to spend more time with you.
Option C:
“It’s so nice and warm today.”
“Think it will last?”
Maybe you should try "medium talk" so you don't get bored and other randos don't get weirded out. After a comment about the weather you can say that bc of the nice weather you were hiking/sportsing/otherwise hobbying in [location], and wondered if they've been there recently. Or if the weather was shit that you were indoors doing whatever hobby and ask what they tend to do in their free time.
Hobby talk can basically be as superficial or deep as you need it to be, so the conversation can progress from there as needed.
This also acts as a public filter
If you small talk with someone and they react positively (or at least don't treat you weird) ... then the person you are small talking to is a ~~decent~~ RECEPTIVE person who is also open to a bit of communication.
If you small talk with someone and they immediately treat you weird, walk away or just don't want to deal with you ... then chances are, it was a good thing you said something to eliminate any negative interaction.
EDIT: changed a word in my phrasing
Me: being socially anxious and going into panic stations when small talk begins.
Other person: it appears that this is not a decent person.
Yeah that actually happens. Saying "sorry I have social anxiety" as you dip out of the interaction surprisingly helps a lot.
Not me. I can tell when you're just smiling and nodding, and not actually listening. It's very obvious when people do it, and is usually my cue to stop talking cause no one actually cares.
This... makes sense. Thank you
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They said you need it. They didn't say you could have it.
I actually feel like Arc Raiders has helped with this a bit.
I’m very distrustful of anyone who signals peaceful intent with nothing but an emote line. If people use voice comms, it shows a modicum of social openness, and helps humanize them. More often than not, people end up chatting about threats they’ve seen or where there’s useful loot.
There’s even a famous clip of a guy breaking open a bot who gets shot at, and he defuses the situation by yelling at the shooter that he expects better of him, and that they’re all just trying to get by.
So, how's the weather?
There has been a month of constant wet drizzle here.
Weirdly cold for NW Florida, froze 2 nights in a row. Back to normal, 50F nights, 70F days.
That sounds lovely. Yesterday was cold, but today is going to be hot.
