this post was submitted on 12 Nov 2025
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I have no fucking clue how to do small talk. I tend to get too serious too fast and feel very incompetent and overwhelmed with this kind of almost meaningless noise. So it either ends in awkward silence or in me saying something too heavy for that kind of conversation, which tends to make things awkward as well.
Example, option A:
"It's so nice and warm today."
"Yeah, but did you know that death rates of sensitive population groups like elderly have increased due to more and intense heatwaves caused by global warming?"
Option B:
"It's so nice and warm today."
"Yeah."
[silence]
Maybe I should get checked for autism, lol.
Def. do that, but also, you just need more practice whether you're on the spectrum or not.
You are in your own head too much. You have a lot of ideas about big things that are straining at the seams to share with someone so you're not making it about "making friendly noises" with a stranger or casual acquaintance.
The good news is there's a surefire cure to this, but again, it takes practice so you don't forget how to do this one simple trick to making people like you and make friends who will then want to go on to talk about deep things.
ASK QUESTIONS.
They say "Wow that game last night was wild" and you say "Yah? what was your favorite part?"
They say "I hope the weather clears this weekend" you say.... NO, NOT DESCRIBING HOW WEATHER WORKS, you ask "What did you have planned?" and so on.
The key here is to set yourself aside. Make it the "Them Show" and they are the star. You are not going to form a lasting friendship by saying the right things at the right time, you won't get noticed at work by one awesome chat. You do these things by repetition and consistency. Do not "fast forward" in your mind when they are talking, you have to ACTUALLY LISTEN, and set aside whatever is boiling up in your mind to spill out.
If people start associating you with them being able to be the star for a minute, if you make them feel good about sharing their lives, they will start wanting to spend more time with you.
Maybe you should try "medium talk" so you don't get bored and other randos don't get weirded out. After a comment about the weather you can say that bc of the nice weather you were hiking/sportsing/otherwise hobbying in [location], and wondered if they've been there recently. Or if the weather was shit that you were indoors doing whatever hobby and ask what they tend to do in their free time.
Hobby talk can basically be as superficial or deep as you need it to be, so the conversation can progress from there as needed.
What a fantastic thread today
Helpful Lemmings abound
Option C:
“It’s so nice and warm today.”
“Think it will last?”
Do you understand on an intellectual (as opposed to instinctive) level which topics are too serious for small talk?
Because if not then start there. If so, then it's possible to get better by taking your time to reply and think over what you're about to say so you can back out!
The weather isn't a topic that will last for long. Maybe you can ask "did you see that crazy rain/wind/hail/whatever" but either the subject is going to change or one of you will segue into "I remember when I was xyz and there was this crazy rain/wind/hail/whatever".
Conversations are about finding connections and judging what the other person might want to hear. Sometimes there's no connection though and you've just got to bring up something else. Questions are good because they allow the other person to talk :p
Option C:
"It's so nice and warm today."
"Nice and warm today?"
The Solid Snake approach
"That's right, Snake. Warmth is a physical phenomenon produced by a variety of factors, typically the sun. It occurs most often in tropical environments, but it can even be found in arctic climates...especially between two people. But did you know humans are also capable of generating something known as "artificial warmth"? "
"Hrrm... artificial warmth, huh?"
"In fact, artificial warmth technologies have been incorporated into your sneaking suit. There's a copper lining which is powered by recaptured electrochemical activities from your body, which acts as a sort of radiator."
"...So you're telling me I don't need anyone else as long as I've got this suit on."
"Well, I guess that's one way of putting it...But, don't forget about the 'nice' part, okay Snake?"