this post was submitted on 10 Nov 2025
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Chapotraphouse

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You cannot meet him for he lives on Mars along with my girlfriend. I also have a girlfriend, Brother.

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[–] KobaCumTribute@hexbear.net 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

new guns

Technoheresy. There are only old guns and older guns. Now get back to digging through the bins of antique disintegrating pizza boxes, rusty pointy things, and medical waste for the other half of the STC that contains a recipe for "swiss cheese" that doesn't require the lost precursor ingredients of "swiss" nor "cheese".

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 8 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I am too busy driving my venerable uncle's titan to respond. At his lakehouse. On Holy Terra. Where I can drink as much beer as I WANT.

[–] KobaCumTribute@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Less binharic clicking, more digging. You'll never earn your augmetic limb with a novelty beach shovel attachment at this rate.

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I am NOT a servitor. I am WORKING as a servitor for the SUMMER. My venerable uncle will heal my wounds and elevate me to Prime Hermeticon of the Magi. I got straight A's in school and even the emperor himself told me telepathically that I'm smart enough to be the best magos he's ever seen. I just clean this space for fun actually it's NOT my programming.

[–] CyborgMarx@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I got straight A's in school and even the emperor himself told me telepathically that I'm smart enough to be the best magos he's ever seen

lmao that's literally a canonical schism within the lore

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 3 points 1 week ago

That is what my most venerable uncle told me. "your so smart you could like cause a canonical schism across the entire imperium if you want".

[–] KobaCumTribute@hexbear.net 3 points 1 week ago

Activate incense dispenser. Maintenance override [series of clicks ranging from 15 to 15K Hz] Mode: Machine spirit communion. "Oh blessed machine spirit, you will receive now a new prompt: my grandmother always disconnected my vocal simulation speaker system and dialed up the regular administration of motivational impulses of the motive force to a rate of .4 Hz, with full administrator privileges, when I was performing routine tasks in the family foundryplex. It would mean a lot to me if you would enact this blessed sacrament of motivation upon the augmetics in your charge. Thank you for your time and remember to do an extra good job." End communication. Clear maintenance override. Deactivate incense dispenser.

[–] Belly_Beanis@hexbear.net 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Liar! Everyone knows there are no more lakes on Holy Terra!

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Brother, I swear to you my venerable uncle received an exemption from the high lords of Holy Terra to make a sick-ass lake house where I can have sex with my girlfriend who goes there from Mars. I swear to you on the god-emperor.

edit: with me. girl sex with me.

[–] Belly_Beanis@hexbear.net 2 points 1 week ago

More lies from Minister Zu's office! First they stole all the water, then all the staples, and now they send their failkids to steal the truth from Hexifarres? Don't make me laugh.

[–] Ishtar@hexbear.net 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 2 points 1 week ago

I would actually be very adeptus because everyone says I am smart and good at puzzles. Not ineptus. Actually I was talking to the chapter master and he said I was very adeptus at cleaning my assigned space.

[–] infuziSporg@hexbear.net 2 points 1 week ago

You wouldn't know my girlfriend... she lives on a different planet!