this post was submitted on 07 Nov 2025
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[–] 30_to_50_Feral_PAWGs@hexbear.net 31 points 4 months ago

ALL COPS ARE BASTARDS! UNLIMITED, uh *checks notes* (...sandwiches? Really?) ...UNLIMITED SUBWAY NINE DOLLAR AND ELEVEN CENT FOOTLONGS ON THE FIRST WORLD!

[–] Florn@hexbear.net 26 points 4 months ago

When will they find a sandwich hurler who is guilty of assault?

[–] Rojo27@hexbear.net 26 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Guess that "exploding" sandwich line the cop gave didn't really land with the jurors.

[–] thefunkycomitatus@hexbear.net 37 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The assailant drew a concealed assault-hoagie and fired it at the officer, point blank. The sandwich detonated on the officer, covering him with acidic and sulfuric compounds. The sandwich also contained tomato, a nightshade derivative. Due to this, the officer was incapacitated and had to be rushed to a nearby hospital where these hazardous materials were neutralized with a napkin. The officer has been in therapy due to the nightmares caused by this violent, communist attack.

[–] TheLastHero@hexbear.net 22 points 4 months ago

known jihadist substances such as mustard were discovered at the scene of the violent assault

[–] 30_to_50_Feral_PAWGs@hexbear.net 29 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Imagine being any one of those jurors trying to keep a straight face when he started bawling about the smell of onions and mustard.

[–] chgxvjh@hexbear.net 7 points 4 months ago

Damn, how long until lunch break?

[–] Wheaties@hexbear.net 17 points 4 months ago

papyrus-stomp I can't belive they jury nullified my sandwich trauma.

[–] AernaLingus@hexbear.net 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The verdict, which arrived after roughly seven hours of deliberation

Seven hours? For this??

[–] Vientanh@hexbear.net 3 points 4 months ago

Probably waited for lunch.