this post was submitted on 09 Oct 2025
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Which Lemmy instance is better to move to? (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) by LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
87 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Looking for:

  • no misogynists (so dbzer0 is out)
  • no libertarians, no marxist lenninsts, no tankies, no rightwingers
  • people who understand climate change is real
  • leftists including anarchists, social democrats, democratic socialists, communists, etc are great

I picked world bc I was told it would have the most activity. Since joining Lemmy I have been repeatedly harassed by men on this instance, threatened with murder and rape by users including open Nazis (this was also happening on Reddit), and permabanned for being a woman, for being a feminist, and for not breaking any rules and posting factual news sources. Would like a better instance.

Have been considering solarpunk Lemmy but willing to consider other instances, just not sure

Eta: I'm looking for a recommendation of an instance, not your personal opinion on my experiences or feelings. If you are not going to give me the name of an instance you'd recommend, don't comment.

Here’s an article on tone policing: https://www.housing.wisc.edu/2023/12/inclusive-language-series-tone-policing-2/

• You need to recognize the indicators of tone policing, such as telling someone to calm down or to lower their tone for their message to be better received.

• Understand that various levels of emotions will often be expressed, especially during political or hot topic conversations.

• To refrain from invalidating other people’s feelings, try self-reflecting on your desire to invalidate their emotions and think about if this is due to your own discomfort.

• Tone policing must stop, especially when engaging in conversations regarding experiences with discrimination, oppression, and racism.

Here’s an article on hysteria: https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/hysteria-historical-mirror-misogyny-medicine

During the early 20th century, women were thought to be unfit for politics as their biology made them prone to hysteria. The suffrage movement became linked to hysteria and mental disorder, due to propaganda from the press and the government (Iglikowski-Broad, 2018). Attempts at militancy in their pursuit for equality were branded as hysteria by anti-suffrage supporters, demonstrating how use of mental health could be used to belittle the efforts of the women at the time (Thompson, 2016).

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[–] Icytrees@sh.itjust.works 1 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago)

The Argonaut Melampus cured the insanity of the daughters of Proteus with hellebore and urged them to join with young and strong men. Melampus believed woman's madness derived from their uterus being poisoned with 'venomous humors', due to a lack of orgasms.

Thanks for being a bro, the Argonaut Melampus.

More to the point, I migrated from lemmy.world to sh.itjust.works by going through the instance list here: https://join-lemmy.org/ ...and picking an active one in my country with a list of rules I could live with.

But as others have said, it's basically the same experience unless you pick an instance with aggressive rules and/or defederated from the ones you don't like. Otherwise you're just seeing the same people and communities.

I don't think I've ever had an issue with a blahaj user, so there's that.

[–] msokiovt@lemmy.today 3 points 19 hours ago

I just joined Lemmy Today, which is an instance run out of Oregon without any de-federation.

[–] Gorilladrums@lemmy.world 35 points 1 day ago (8 children)

I'm gonna keep it real with you. You're going to see the same problems no matter which instance you end up on.

I have no idea who you are, and I don't care. However, purely looking at your account history and modlog, you seem like a generally unpleasant person. You come off as someone who picks fights and can't take criticism. The way you act is rude, hostile, and annoying. You also seem to be into some weird conspiracies, which makes you look unhinged. That's probably why you keep getting banned. You're not being banned for being a woman or a feminist, but because you break a lot of rules, at least according to the modlog.

My point is that it doesn't matter which instance or platform you go to. You're the common denominator. Obviously, that doesn't mean people should harass you, but it does mean you're at least partly responsible for how people interact with you. Lemmy is usually a chill place if you avoid politics, and even then, most people are nice as long as you're civil. From what I see people are just treating you the way you treat them, so there's a good chance that your problems might follow you on a new instance.

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world -5 points 8 hours ago

Here’s an article on tone policing: https://www.housing.wisc.edu/2023/12/inclusive-language-series-tone-policing-2/

• You need to recognize the indicators of tone policing, such as telling someone to calm down or to lower their tone for their message to be better received.

• Understand that various levels of emotions will often be expressed, especially during political or hot topic conversations.

• To refrain from invalidating other people’s feelings, try self-reflecting on your desire to invalidate their emotions and think about if this is due to your own discomfort.

• Tone policing must stop, especially when engaging in conversations regarding experiences with discrimination, oppression, and racism.

Here’s an article on hysteria: https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/hysteria-historical-mirror-misogyny-medicine

During the early 20th century, women were thought to be unfit for politics as their biology made them prone to hysteria. The suffrage movement became linked to hysteria and mental disorder, due to propaganda from the press and the government (Iglikowski-Broad, 2018). Attempts at militancy in their pursuit for equality were branded as hysteria by anti-suffrage supporters, demonstrating how use of mental health could be used to belittle the efforts of the women at the time (Thompson, 2016).

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[–] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 44 points 1 day ago (5 children)

Hey, how's dbzer0 sexist???

Shocked at your experience on Lemmy honestly. Particularly perma banned for being a woman?

Solarpunk is good.

[–] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 68 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (5 children)

OK so decided to check the modlog. You've been banned from 5 different comms on 4 different instances by 5 different mods.

  • One for name calling and personal attacks.
  • One for trolling.
  • One for being generally unpleasant.
  • One says many many rule violations.
  • One says Repeated misinformation.

On comms like casual UK and tumblr.

You have two removed posts, one posting us news where it isnt allowed. One being 'not news', which is arguable.

And so many removed comments that I can't even go through it all. Having read a couple they seem fair. I'm sure theres some unfair ones amongst them.

But your behaviour is very reddit like. Please understand that this place is run by the money and effort of the individuals who you are often attacking, the admins. People here also prefer to be chill and not combative unless there's extreme right wingers. Mild petty internet disagreements are not worth being uncivil about.

You are of course more than welcome here as your heart is clearly in the right place but please understand that people here just want a chill space to be in.

Edit: and this is one of 5 accounts!

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world -3 points 8 hours ago

I never said those were the only bans - I simply have a problem with the bans I originally brought up for being a feminist and not breaking rules per the mod who banned me, which is why I want to leave. As in I spoke with the mod and broke down my comment and they were unable to say what rule I'd broken. This wasn't an invitation to discuss my bans, this was information provided so people can recommend a better fit for me personally.

Here’s an article on tone policing: https://www.housing.wisc.edu/2023/12/inclusive-language-series-tone-policing-2/

• You need to recognize the indicators of tone policing, such as telling someone to calm down or to lower their tone for their message to be better received.

• Understand that various levels of emotions will often be expressed, especially during political or hot topic conversations.

• To refrain from invalidating other people’s feelings, try self-reflecting on your desire to invalidate their emotions and think about if this is due to your own discomfort.

• Tone policing must stop, especially when engaging in conversations regarding experiences with discrimination, oppression, and racism.

Here’s an article on hysteria: https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/hysteria-historical-mirror-misogyny-medicine

During the early 20th century, women were thought to be unfit for politics as their biology made them prone to hysteria. The suffrage movement became linked to hysteria and mental disorder, due to propaganda from the press and the government (Iglikowski-Broad, 2018). Attempts at militancy in their pursuit for equality were branded as hysteria by anti-suffrage supporters, demonstrating how use of mental health could be used to belittle the efforts of the women at the time (Thompson, 2016).

[–] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 37 points 1 day ago (2 children)

"Lol you aren't evil, you are just weak minded and unable to perform empathy at an adult level. Asking you to do so created a tantrum. Yes, you are a gender narcissist as I've explained. You are sexist, quite transparently. I won't go away, I have a right to exist here. You can leave if you want, since you have nothing substantial to add. I'd also bite your dick off to watch you writhe so you might want to keep the sweety comment to yourself. I'm not that sweet, professionally so."

I'm not even looking for bad ones, this is just right upfront. The whole conversation is a mess, not just you.

But both sets of comments were removed not just yours.

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[–] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 29 points 1 day ago (2 children)

"He does. One is an executive of neuralink. Elon and other billionaires literally want to kill everyone and start their own super human race. They are starting a civil war."

I despise elon but wouldn't complain if this was removed for being misinformation.

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[–] Gorilladrums@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Damn, she got exposed lmao. You're doing the lord's work be sharing this with the community, thank you.

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world -4 points 8 hours ago

Here’s an article on tone policing: https://www.housing.wisc.edu/2023/12/inclusive-language-series-tone-policing-2/

• You need to recognize the indicators of tone policing, such as telling someone to calm down or to lower their tone for their message to be better received.

• Understand that various levels of emotions will often be expressed, especially during political or hot topic conversations.

• To refrain from invalidating other people’s feelings, try self-reflecting on your desire to invalidate their emotions and think about if this is due to your own discomfort.

• Tone policing must stop, especially when engaging in conversations regarding experiences with discrimination, oppression, and racism.

Here’s an article on hysteria: https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/hysteria-historical-mirror-misogyny-medicine

During the early 20th century, women were thought to be unfit for politics as their biology made them prone to hysteria. The suffrage movement became linked to hysteria and mental disorder, due to propaganda from the press and the government (Iglikowski-Broad, 2018). Attempts at militancy in their pursuit for equality were branded as hysteria by anti-suffrage supporters, demonstrating how use of mental health could be used to belittle the efforts of the women at the time (Thompson, 2016).

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[–] eugenevdebs@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

If db0 is weirdly sexist, I'll gladly leave this place. I'm 100% a feminist. But I'm not seeing any evidence of this.

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 day ago (3 children)

OP thinks any reaction to them flipping their shit instantly and constantly is aimed at their gender, instead of them flipping their shit instantly and constantly.

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world -5 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Here’s an article on tone policing: https://www.housing.wisc.edu/2023/12/inclusive-language-series-tone-policing-2/

• You need to recognize the indicators of tone policing, such as telling someone to calm down or to lower their tone for their message to be better received.

• Understand that various levels of emotions will often be expressed, especially during political or hot topic conversations.

• To refrain from invalidating other people’s feelings, try self-reflecting on your desire to invalidate their emotions and think about if this is due to your own discomfort.

• Tone policing must stop, especially when engaging in conversations regarding experiences with discrimination, oppression, and racism.

Here’s an article on hysteria: https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/hysteria-historical-mirror-misogyny-medicine

During the early 20th century, women were thought to be unfit for politics as their biology made them prone to hysteria. The suffrage movement became linked to hysteria and mental disorder, due to propaganda from the press and the government (Iglikowski-Broad, 2018). Attempts at militancy in their pursuit for equality were branded as hysteria by anti-suffrage supporters, demonstrating how use of mental health could be used to belittle the efforts of the women at the time (Thompson, 2016).

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 5 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago) (1 children)

And this is a very clear example.

Someone disagrees with anything you do or like and you automatically assume they must not know anything and require education on some super basic subjects. So you decide the correct way to convey your viewpoint is with a half page copypasta, stripping out the useful intro and just offering instructions.

You treat everyone like they're simultaneously some kind of uneducated child and the personification of evil. Perhaps somewhat understandably, people don't really take well to that.

And now that I see your replies, you also seem to be hyperfocussing on one specific offense to you, pasting to the same reply to numerous, completely different, people and posts. I totally see why you're getting banned so much, no community wants spammy replies like that.

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world -4 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

Here’s an article on tone policing: https://www.housing.wisc.edu/2023/12/inclusive-language-series-tone-policing-2/

• You need to recognize the indicators of tone policing, such as telling someone to calm down or to lower their tone for their message to be better received.

• Understand that various levels of emotions will often be expressed, especially during political or hot topic conversations.

• To refrain from invalidating other people’s feelings, try self-reflecting on your desire to invalidate their emotions and think about if this is due to your own discomfort.

• Tone policing must stop, especially when engaging in conversations regarding experiences with discrimination, oppression, and racism.

Here’s an article on hysteria: https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/hysteria-historical-mirror-misogyny-medicine

During the early 20th century, women were thought to be unfit for politics as their biology made them prone to hysteria. The suffrage movement became linked to hysteria and mental disorder, due to propaganda from the press and the government (Iglikowski-Broad, 2018). Attempts at militancy in their pursuit for equality were branded as hysteria by anti-suffrage supporters, demonstrating how use of mental health could be used to belittle the efforts of the women at the time (Thompson, 2016).

You do lack education. You do act like an ignorant child. You are causing harm. I do not need to rewrite well established summaries anew for everyone who struggles with the concepts of tone policing and hysteria.

And look in the mirror. Your attitude is worse than mine and you uphold systems of oppression too. Disgusting.

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world -4 points 10 hours ago

No. Wrong.

[–] eugenevdebs@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah she seems a little off. I think she posts a little oddly but I don't think she's bad because she's a woman. I think she's a bit stressed out lately, and understandably so.

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world -4 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

Self defense isn't being "off."

Being angry isn't being "off."

These are reasonable reactions.

Here's an article on tone policing: https://www.housing.wisc.edu/2023/12/inclusive-language-series-tone-policing-2/

• You need to recognize the indicators of tone policing, such as telling someone to calm down or to lower their tone for their message to be better received.

• Understand that various levels of emotions will often be expressed, especially during political or hot topic conversations.

• To refrain from invalidating other people’s feelings, try self-reflecting on your desire to invalidate their emotions and think about if this is due to your own discomfort.

• Tone policing must stop, especially when engaging in conversations regarding experiences with discrimination, oppression, and racism.

Here's an article on hysteria: https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/hysteria-historical-mirror-misogyny-medicine

During the early 20th century, women were thought to be unfit for politics as their biology made them prone to hysteria. The suffrage movement became linked to hysteria and mental disorder, due to propaganda from the press and the government (Iglikowski-Broad, 2018). Attempts at militancy in their pursuit for equality were branded as hysteria by anti-suffrage supporters, demonstrating how use of mental health could be used to belittle the efforts of the women at the time (Thompson, 2016).

You are promoting the idea of hysteria. This is offensive, and this belief results and resulted in women being enslaved with no trial in psychiatric (torture) facilities - something RFK Jr is literally actively pushing for. And you're helping him with your rhetoric and responses, validating the idea that angry women are hysterical and "off" when pushing back against abuses by men, and that men are the reasonable ones by default and entitled to treating women bad. Is it reasonable to comment on a woman's thread with personal attacks and denials of her experiences when she is asking for a simple instance recommendation? That seems like instigating to me. But no, no, these guys are totally fine and I'm off.

Would you like me to find all the comments I was responding to? The ones that promote pedophilia, rape, and subjugation of women? How exactly is the normal way to respond to that? Tell me, oh men, how you want to police my emotions. If only I could be a perfect victim like you.

Maybe just post the responses you write to the rape threats you get. Since obviously misogyny on here isn't real, so the rape threats are something everyone is getting, right? Not just me. So post yours and show me how I should be responding to these attacks which definitely are all in my head as being misogyny. Go ahead.

Do you think Francine Hughes was wrong for setting her abusive husband on fire? The courts found her to be reacting noncriminally to her abuse in a landmark case for women's rights in the 80s. Do you even know about that case? Or do you think women should ALL be quiet and just put up with abuse from men?

I used to think you might be cool because Eugene is cool. Not anymore. You've done quiet a bit of patriarchal enforcing here - this thread was about recommending an instance for me to move to, and you're spending your time here trying to police with others whether I've personally experienced misogyny on Lemmy - that was never the point of the thread in the first place, yet you all feel SUPER COMFORTABLE dismissing my own words, experiences, and what I want.. With no evidence except removed comments that show I'm upset at what is being said to me - not even the comment I am responding to. Why is that? It's like you're pushing a patriarchal narrative for the boys club. Shame on you. May the way you treat women come back on you tenfold.

https://shawngude.substack.com/p/eugene-debs-supported-womens-suffrage

I can still see the aversion so unfeelingly expressed for this magnificent woman. Even my friends were disgusted with me for piloting such an “undesirable citizen” into the community. It is hard to understand, after all these years, how bitter and implacable the people were, especially the women, toward the leaders of this movement

You should change your username. You don't have the spine or values to share his name.

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[–] ordnance_qf_17_pounder@reddthat.com 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Communists, but not Marxist-Leninists

Lol, wtf. Is this another case of seeking that fabled communism that sounds suspiciously like social democracy and is not consistent with any real world communist party's platform?

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[–] DipshitDetector@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Beep.

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[–] Fiivemacs@lemmy.ca 29 points 1 day ago (2 children)

you should try just not not engaging in political discussions then. you seem to be very outgoing with it, which will attract people with opposing views leading you further down the defence route.

  1. stay away from political

  2. stay off social media

  3. deal with it and/or block them.

you're literally asking for a safe haven from the world, on the world wide web...that won't exist, or it'll be an echo chamber.

also, stop insulting people constantly and perhaps they won't insult/belittle you back... take the high road.

and because I truly don't care, I'm blocking you to avoid further back and forth nonsense which I assume you'll want to start/continue based on a LOT of your comments.

hope you find that small corner of only like minded people..

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world -3 points 8 hours ago

Here’s an article on tone policing: https://www.housing.wisc.edu/2023/12/inclusive-language-series-tone-policing-2/

• You need to recognize the indicators of tone policing, such as telling someone to calm down or to lower their tone for their message to be better received.

• Understand that various levels of emotions will often be expressed, especially during political or hot topic conversations.

• To refrain from invalidating other people’s feelings, try self-reflecting on your desire to invalidate their emotions and think about if this is due to your own discomfort.

• Tone policing must stop, especially when engaging in conversations regarding experiences with discrimination, oppression, and racism.

Here’s an article on hysteria: https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/hysteria-historical-mirror-misogyny-medicine

During the early 20th century, women were thought to be unfit for politics as their biology made them prone to hysteria. The suffrage movement became linked to hysteria and mental disorder, due to propaganda from the press and the government (Iglikowski-Broad, 2018). Attempts at militancy in their pursuit for equality were branded as hysteria by anti-suffrage supporters, demonstrating how use of mental health could be used to belittle the efforts of the women at the time (Thompson, 2016).

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[–] gravitywell@sh.itjust.works 19 points 1 day ago

Id go with blahaj based on your comment history.

[–] Klear@quokk.au 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

no marxist lenninsts, no tankies

Lemmy's devs are tankies. Why not pick an instance of piefed instead?

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world 1 points 22 hours ago

I definitely might

[–] irelephant@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 1 day ago (2 children)

When has dbzer0 been misogynist? /gen.

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[–] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (7 children)

I don't understand the concern over which instance you are on. We're all interacting with people on different instances, so what would even change?

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[–] SineIraEtStudio@midwest.social 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

As others have said, Solarpunk and Blahaj both seem like good options for you. You may want to consider their piefed instances, if that's something you are interested in.

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[–] hanrahan@slrpnk.net 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)

blahaj.zone ?

Going to be a tall ask, people are people...

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[–] YurkshireLad@lemmy.ca 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Sounds like you should run your own instance. We all have preferences about who we want to interact with, and we’re prepared to tolerate some things.

But for complete control, start and moderate your own instance. It would be an interesting experience, if nothing else.

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[–] Lilium@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 day ago

Blahaj zone is lovely

[–] plyth@feddit.org 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Have been considering solarpunk Lemmy

That instance seems to be a good match. lemmy.blahaj.zone could be a second option.

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[–] dontsayaword@piefed.social 6 points 1 day ago

Come to piefed

[–] tal@olio.cafe 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

If you want a more-politically-censored environment, I guess you could try beehaw.org. They tend to enforce positivity and restrict some political stuff and are into creating a "safe space".

We want to explicitly make a nice little corner of the internet where we can hide from racist, sexist, ableist, colonialist, homophobic, transphobic, and other forms of hateful speech. We want a space where people encourage each other, are nice to each other, are supportive and exploratory and playful.

It's not really what I'm looking for in a home instance, and there's a limited amount of activity there, but I'll give that they seem to have a userbase that seems less suicidally-depressed than some other home instances on the Threadiverse. Note that they have defederated from lemmy.world, as they don't feel that it fits with their policies, so you'll have more-limited access to content than on most home instances. Also, I remember seeing that they were considering moving to some non-Lemmy platform (Pleroma? Can't remember), so if you specifically want Lemmy, that might not work for you if they do such a move.

EDIT: If you take your requirements literally, I think that you're going to have a hard time finding an existing instance that will fulfill all of them. Beehaw.org might be closer, but it's just not going to get you that far. Like, you said that you want an instance with no libertarians. I lean right-libertarian, so any instance that I could use would already be violating your requirements. I think that such an instance would probably need to require users to up-front state their political views at registration time so that that information would be available, disallow users with banned political views from access, and only federate with a small, whitelisted set of instances. The closest thing to that, where I think you have admin-level policing of political views, is probably on the tankie-oriented instances, and you've also said that you object to tankies.

You could set up an instance yourself and only federate with a carefully-curated set of instances that have similar instance and federation rules. But that's also going to obviously seriously limit the content available. Maybe hit !newcommunities@lemmy.world and try to promote it to any like-minded users.

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