I mean, it can't be the guns. Guns don't kill people. It must be the bullets. Those are what will kill ya.
this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2025
667 points (98.8% liked)
The Onion
7243 readers
58 users here now
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
- The Onion
- Clickhole
- McSweeney's
- Reductress
- The Chaser
- The Hard Times
- The Needling
- Tattletale Times
- The Beaverton
founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
Since politicians seem to care more about this fully survivable condition than the #1 cause of death for children and teenagers, maybe someone should invent a bullet that gives kids autism. They'll finally implement some gun control then.
Easy. Lace them with ibuprofen.
Patsy's ~~Magic~~ Autistic Bullet
Holy crap, is that a Sledge Hammer reference in the wild?! I didn't think anyone else remembered that show!
I would be willing to compromise with the 2A fanatics by implementing background checks on bullet purchases, instead of gun purchases.
I'd be down to do things the Chris Rock way and make a single bullet cost $5000.
"Damn. He musta did something! Dude put $50,000 worth of bullets in his ass!"
Hmm, lots of gun nuts make their own ammo though...
i knew one. one handed joe.
You can make your own bullets.
You can also make your own gun.
Yes but doing so is a lot more complicated and error-prone. Most people don't have metal smithing equipment at home, or the space or training to use it to manufacture a useful gun. Plus operating an unregistered firearm is illegal in most places.
By contrast you can just buy an ammo reload kit with all the necessary tools. You can do this at a dining table or a desk or a kitchen counter, it doesn't take a lot of space, and you can learn to do it in an afternoon. And it's legal in the US to own those kits and pack your own ammo, and you don't need a license to reload for personal use, only for distributing.
Tell that to shinzo abe
You don't need all of that to make a gun. You just need a 3D printer. Shit, all you really need is a pipe, hammer, and nail.
Sure, if you only want to fire it once and you don't really care if it hits what you're aiming at.
You can keep the gun, I just want the Bulleits.
Yeah, but what that will mean in practice is "Oh, you're trans or gay, no bullets. Oh, you're leftist, no bullets. Oh, your liberal or insufficiently conservative, no bullets"
welp better than undercover nurses with ungodly substances in their syringes
Meanwhile, other developed nations looked on in astonishment as America effortlessly invented a new medical panic while continuing to treat daily gun massacres as if they were quirky local traditions, like cheese rolling or baseball.
Got a chuckle out of me.
I've gotten so insanely tired of all the random bullshit this vaguely human shaped sack of refuse, and all his cronies keeps spouting. They say inane shit, and that gets blasted left and right, while they do all sorts of underhanded evil bullshit behind the curtain of nonsense they just put up.
While we're laughing at idiotic ideas like "curing autism" and "paracetamol causes autism" we're playing right into their fucking hands. This is the nonsensical "4D chess" they're talking about. It's not even funny at this point.
My biggest thing recently is how, for years, trump has said the news is fake but has never once put effort into higher accountability for anyone calling themselves news.
For a long time, it's been more about pushing out a story first with very little fact-checking.
We used to have guns but few mass shootings. The obvious link is between the accelerated impoverishment & corrosion of society by an increasingly greedy capitalist oligarchy and outbreaks of violence.
Maybe it is video games and the devil's music.
Sure, sure. But you can't spell capitalist oligarchy without GOP.
The two major parties are not the same but they are both guilty in this case.
Ironically I think if Trump could get away with banning guns, now he probably would.
I'll never get tired of the scathing criticisms of Trump elegantly written by people smarter than him.
But I am tired of nothing getting done. Criticism is great but I want something to change. Something more than words in an article.
oh give them credit. theyre still closer to finding a link to gun violence than tylenol. i mean they HAVE been injecting bleach into their veins for 3 years.
I got yer lead prescription right here, pal. You won't even have to go to the doctor to get your shots. Take two and call me in the morning.
If
Gun don't kill people, people do
Then
Paracetamol don't cause autism, doctor did
Shouldn't we start banning doctor now?
Don't give them ideas.
I think your logical coprocessor needs some medication
Do i really have to slap /s in every jab i did to conservative?
No, it's recognisable as a jab, and I aggree with the overall point you're making by this jab, it's just the logic in your comment isn't logics, and it's a bit confusing
Ahh ok, should've know it looks a bit like coding. Sorry bout that
Are you aware of the Doctor's Plot? 🫣
Are You asking the "vaccines cause autism, 5G causes cancer, drink raw milk" crowd if that wanna ban doctors?