this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2025
614 points (98.0% liked)

Microblog Memes

9868 readers
3084 users here now

A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

Rules:

  1. Please put at least one word relevant to the post in the post title.
  2. Be nice.
  3. No advertising, brand promotion or guerilla marketing.
  4. Posters are encouraged to link to the toot or tweet etc in the description of posts.

Related communities:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
614
You calm down (piefedimages.s3.eu-central-003.backblazeb2.com)
 
top 42 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] traches@sh.itjust.works 67 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Garmin is neat because it waits till you calm down to tell you you were stressed. Then you’re like „huh, yeah, I guess I was. Thanks for noticing!”

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 months ago

I should switch to Garmin.

My current smartwatch is getting old and kinda sucks....

Aah well.

[–] glimse@lemmy.world 58 points 2 months ago (4 children)

I know this is a joke but it made me think how messed up it is that we've outsourced recognizing our own emotions lol

Also, now a bunch of companies have tons of data on when and where we feel things

[–] otacon239@lemmy.world 24 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

There’s a reason the only smartwatch I’d allow health tracking on is the Pebble. I really don’t like the idea of a corp having realtime heartbeat info on me.

[–] glimse@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago

But imagine the relevant ads you could be served...

[–] nailingjello@lemmy.zip 5 points 2 months ago

I'm excited for my new Pebble to arrive, but it'll be a few more months at least.

[–] Whelks_chance@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago

You say outsourced, but it's not like (men largely, but probably everyone) were super in touch with our emotions previously.

[–] WolfLink@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The “take a minute to breathe” thing is on a timer; it doesn’t react to detected emotions.

[–] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 15 points 2 months ago

No, but the “Your heart rate is above 120 and you don’t appear to be moving” notification does.

[–] Clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 months ago

now a bunch of companies have tons of data on when and where we feel things

Only if you choose devices that require all data go through their servers, like a garmin.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 34 points 2 months ago

Mine just assumes that I'm working out.

A couple years ago when I was in awful shape and arguing with family on a hot day, my pulse and perspiration was such that my watch thought I had gone for a swim 😄

[–] Bronzebeard@lemmy.zip 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You weren't able to understand until that moment?

[–] Jtotheb@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago

As frustrating as it is I think we benefit more from welcoming latecomers than shaming them and thinning the number of people of people willing to admit they were wrong in the future

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 2 months ago

And Sam was in Birmingham at the time! That's not even CLOSE to the Mediterranean, or indeed any sea!

That's how pissed off he was.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

This comment section has revealed that a disturbing amount of Lemmy is insufficiently paranoid

[–] nihilomaster@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Because they use fitness trackers or for clicking that dodgy-ass link?

[–] qaz@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

It's not that dodgy. Backblaze is a cloud storage company and the this is their endpoint for serving S3 object storage. Piefied links straight to that instead of proxying it themselves.

[–] pimento64@sopuli.xyz 8 points 2 months ago (6 children)

Telling people "calm down" is a very unconstructive de-escalation tactic because it has no substance. People respond much better if you address specific conduct, explain a potential consequence, ask for something else, and then give space.
For example, when someone needs to calm down, I tell them "You'd better fix that attitude problem of yours before it gets you into trouble", and then as soon as they begin to respond I interrupt with "Close your mouth" and I walk away. This makes people realize they're overreacting and they calm down right away.

[–] Whelks_chance@lemmy.world 18 points 2 months ago

Sounds like a great way to get a chair upside the back of your head.

[–] sploosh@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago (3 children)

None of that sounds productive to me. It seems accusatory and self-satisfied to the point of being abusive. Sounds like the kind of things infuriatingly rude people say and do to try and deflect from their own toxicity.

[–] DaGeek247@fedia.io 15 points 2 months ago

I thought that was the joke; this is such terrible advice that it's obviously a troll/sarcasm levels of joke.

[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 3 points 2 months ago

You better fix that attitude problem before it lands you in some trouble.

[–] pimento64@sopuli.xyz 2 points 2 months ago
[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The number of people addressing this post as serious advice is troubling.

Laughing when I got to "Close your mouth"!

[–] pimento64@sopuli.xyz 2 points 2 months ago

It is, but keep in mind that if you don't intentionally misinterpret things you know to be jokes, you won't get to act smug about how awful they are. It's good to see we have some people bringing the core aspect of reddit culture here.

[–] ArsonButCute@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

"You" statements are often read as accusatory, consider the "I" statement: "I need you to calm down because I'm becoming stressed by your attitude"

[–] Clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 months ago

"I feel stressed with your attitude" is the I statement. It needs to start with your feelings on a particularly situation.

Even better is one that doesn't include an accusation. "I feel stressed when you get upset over stupid shit" works better if you keep it to "I feel stressed when you get upset." -- keeps the discussion on feelings instead of openning it up for an argument on stupid shit.

[–] Quexotic@infosec.pub 1 points 2 months ago

I'll try this at work with manager. Thanks for the advice!

[–] AreaKode@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

My Fitbit like to congratulate me on getting so many In The Zone minutes. I'm not working out, but thanks I guess?

[–] AlecSadler@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 months ago

My Fitbit does this because my resting HR is so high, lol

[–] Quexotic@infosec.pub 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I had the same reaction when my my Google Assistant told me that while it was not a real person that my words are real

[–] Glytch@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Did you tell it to fuck off? I ask because that's the same response I got when I did that.

[–] Quexotic@infosec.pub 2 points 2 months ago

In order to test this I have determined that there are various different profane terms that it will respond to with this particular message. At this point I'm not sure what I said to it originally.

I just did it again and it says "I'm a virtual assistant but your words are still very real, please be respectful"

[–] Zoomboingding@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 months ago

Is that a fucking Reddit link?

Where's my pitchfork?

[–] Kamsaa@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

That and "smile". These make me wanna maim the guys who tells me this.

[–] ooli3@sopuli.xyz 2 points 2 months ago
[–] Damage@feddit.it 2 points 2 months ago

Watch was right. No point getting upset over work.

[–] big_slap@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I kinda like it when my watch tells me that im stressed out and to do a breathing exercise. it helps me realize that I'm probably upset over absolutely nothing in the heat of a moment.

[–] Quexotic@infosec.pub 1 points 2 months ago

After I learning I'm physically stressed almost all the time and didn't realize it, I decided to save battery life by turning that feature off.