Programmer Humor

If you write commit messages like this, at least have the decency of squashing them when merging. Thanks.

Pleasure by William Wallace

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as she allows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide deez nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, get high at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her gangly feet like once.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Fit round that wide hog, whatup fam.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

At a former workplace I created a leaderboard or most swears in commit messages lol

At the very least, please state which section you made small changes to, even if you are sure it's not worth mentioning what or why.

Curate your commits, friends. They should be structured for the benefit of the reviewer. This can be accomplished with liberal use of interactive rebasing.

git commit -m 'a meaningful message'

thank god now we've AI to do this

“Sometimes the best way to fix a bug is to introduce an unstable new feature that will later have many bug reports. But the code will now work. And was only written after email chain that har management involved.”

“This is a temporary fix only, and the feature flag it’s under should be turned off after pull request 203. Under no circumstances should bug reports 1923 and 2045 use this new feature to fix issues, even if hours of work can be saved using this ”

“I am blameless for any future issues caused by using this new feature. Here be dragons.”

I once found a commit message in our commit history that just said, "i hate git..." bcz they hadn't changed anything, and I think it took a new line character and decided that they'd actually changed like 5 lines of code twhen they hadn't.

It was the funniest shit, someone who was a senior lead for like 9 years that had left, and 5 years later I find that...

git commit -m "A spirit trapped within a tree, no mouth to scream or eyes to see. A cage of bark, a prison of wood. A thing of rage where nature stood."

Love it.

While folks are thinking about git commit messages I will offer this.

https://cbea.ms/git-commit/

My only criticism of the essay is that the most important bit is listed at number 7.

git commit -m "here is everything in this commit $(tar -czv . | base64)"

git commit -m "Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime so I comment meaningful on company time"

Always put a ticket number in the commit message. That can make it much easier later to find out what the context was for some weird solution.

I've worked with a few people who are just incomprehensible. One refuses to write commit messages of any detail. Just "work in progress". Cast him into the pit.

There was another guy that refused to name his tests. His code was like

describe(''. () => {
  it('', () => {
     expect(someFunc()).toEqual(0);
  }
 it('', () => {
    expect(someFunc(1)).toEqual(0);
  }
 it('', () => {
   expect(someFunc("").toEqual(1);
 }
}

He was like, "Test names are like comments and they turn into lies! So I'm not going to do it."

I was like, a. what the fuck. b. do you also not name your files? projects? children?

He was working at a very big company last I heard.

edit: If you're unfamiliar, the convention is to put a human readable description where those empty strings are. This is used in the test output. If one fails, it'll typically tell include the name in the output.

For complex changes go with "self-explanatory" just to fuck with peoples' confidence