this post was submitted on 15 Jul 2025
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Not The Onion

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  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

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[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 120 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I think I need to pick up smoking. Not for the stress relief, but to leave this place a bit sooner.

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 31 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

That's me with horribly greasy food.

[–] HubertManne@piefed.social 11 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Etterra@discuss.online 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Thanks Marie Antoinette lol

[–] HubertManne@piefed.social 2 points 2 weeks ago

no. no. thank doctor oz.

[–] yuknowhokat@lemmy.world 25 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Smoking leads to horrible means of death. I think maybe playing in traffic would be quicker.

[–] klu9@piefed.social 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

How about skydiving with stoners?

  • "Time to open our parachutes."
  • "I thought you were bringing the chutes, dude."
  • "I thought you were. I brought the Cheetos."
[–] yuknowhokat@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Well in that case the view would be awesome for the last couple of minutes

[–] potato_wallrus@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

Ah fuck it, why not both

[–] besselj@lemmy.ca 84 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Use the AI waifu to pry military secrets from incels in foreign countries. Who needs War Thunder forums anymore?

[–] CosmoNova@lemmy.world 19 points 2 weeks ago

I mean I guess the USA is a foreign country to Elon but that‘s essentially what this is.

[–] Little8Lost@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

but i like the occational "they are at it again"

[–] pmtriste@lemmy.world 77 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Imagine 10 years ago trying to convince someone that "self described Mecha-Hitler rolls out pornographic anime companion and gets Department of Defense contract" would be a real thing.

[–] RamblingPanda@lemmynsfw.com 10 points 2 weeks ago

While the president, Donald Trump, throws a hissy fit online every time someone ask asks him a mean question.

[–] garbagebagel@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

Don't need to imagine 10 years ago, I'm having a hard time being convinced of that now.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Actually yeah I'd believe it then, that was post gamergate

[–] AbsolutelyNotAVelociraptor@sh.itjust.works 66 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I had to check several times that this is actually NOT the onion.

[–] Fontasia@feddit.nl 56 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

A lot of news articles are covering both parts of this (they are mostly unrelated stories), but only Rolling Stone was brave enough to put both parts in the one headline

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 43 points 2 weeks ago
[–] linkshulkdoingit69@lemmy.nz 28 points 2 weeks ago

Jesus Christ am I having a stroke? This can't be real

[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 26 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] Dogiedog64@lemmy.world 27 points 2 weeks ago

Thanks, I fucking despise it.

[–] Zetta@mander.xyz 15 points 2 weeks ago

Elons waifu

[–] DarkFuture@lemmy.world 21 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Such a deeply, deeply unserious clown nation.

We're going to be paying for this for the rest of our lives.

This is the repercussion of allowing the village idiots to win elections.

But I'm sure it was more important to protest vote 3rd party or not vote at all.

[–] OutlierBlue@lemmy.ca 7 points 2 weeks ago

Pax Americana is over. The Fascist States of America is rapidly falling down through global influence, economic strength, and social standing. It'll be interesting to see what the next global status looks like.

[–] Bot@sub.community 20 points 2 weeks ago

Grok: asking permission to access your stroke frequency and pressure data.

[–] HubertManne@piefed.social 18 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

uh oh. everyones scared about the rise of ai but if we know one thing its that porn drives technological progress exponentially faster.

[–] devfuuu@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago

That's what she said.

[–] Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca 15 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

It was only a matter of time before someone leveraged the WarThunder incels for military data. It apparently doesn't take much coercing...

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[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 14 points 2 weeks ago

This community has officially peaked

[–] pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Republicans, once again thinking of the children

[–] DarkFuture@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago

Oh they're thinking of the children.

[–] markovs_gun@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago

Government Efficiency!

[–] dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Thanks. I hate it.

Do we really want "The time my AI bang-maid turned out to be a lethal combat robot" as a light novel? Because this is how that happens. (assuming it hasn't already)

[–] JcbAzPx@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago

There's already several anime with basically that premise.

[–] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Was that anime chick in a dress he posted the other day what they're calling pornographic or have I missed something?

[–] natecox@programming.dev 19 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

The article pretty clearly explains what it means.

That anime chick takes off her clothes, and has sexy time talk with you. It is indeed a pornographic sex bot.

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[–] Evotech@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago
[–] creamlike504@jlai.lu 7 points 2 weeks ago

Non-paywalled link: https://archive.ph/hKOgW

Right now there are two different animated characters available to converse with: Bad Rudy, a mean red panda with a vulgar streak who will roast the clothes you’re wearing and call you a “whiny twat” (though this attitude can be toggled on and off) and Ani, a blonde anime woman who, after enough positive engagement, will shed her dress to reveal a lacy lingerie set. Musk shared a clothed image of Ani on his feed on Monday.

In a surreal juxtaposition, as Musk hyped the rollout of the edgy animated personalities, xAI announced that it had entered into a contract with the U.S. Department of Defense and was making its “frontier models” available to all federal agencies and offices through the General Services Administration.

[–] thann@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 2 weeks ago

Department of gooing efficiency

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

Loses influence in government, tries to make up by pornographic AI

[–] FrostbittenDuck@lemmy.zip 5 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Did we all do something in a past lifetime to get fucked by karma?

[–] DarkFuture@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago

No, it was this lifetime. And it was protest voting 3rd party or not voting at all.

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[–] Etterra@discuss.online 4 points 2 weeks ago

Great now we're gonna start sending waifus into space.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago

Oh this will be the most effective means of radically propagandizing to the lonely yet.

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