this post was submitted on 14 May 2025
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My girlfriend is really close with her siblings and every second week of the month she always has all of them over to have dinner at our apartment so they can get together. It’s a large group of 5 other siblings so it gets loud but it’s all fun and they’re very nice people and we all get along. Her brother is really cool and builds computers for fun and I think that takes a level of knowledge that I don’t really posses so I’m like very happy for people who do things like that and I do see building computer is a hobby because it takes skill determination and a lot of time to do and there’s a healthy component behind I think. I think I see it as a puzzle.

He got upset at me though when we were talking about some computer parts, he was saying how one computer part is running very hot that it burns the cables and breaks the computer and even though this happens he says it’s rare and he still wants one. I asked him how that happens and he said it’s usually because the parts are put under a lot of pressure when they’re being used and sometimes they get really hot and they break and he said it’s usually because of a video game. I laughed a bit and said something like “breaking a computer over an video game lol” but I don’t think he got it and he said “well that’s the whole point of the parts to play video games.”

I laughed a bit but he wasn’t laughing and looked like a said something rude. I apologized for not knowing about the computers and he said it was okay. I told him that I only play Mario kart every now and then and that it’s my favorite game because me and my gf play it every now and then and that’s when he said “that’s a good hobby for you both” and I got confused and said “it’s not a hobby just a bit of fun.” He said hobbies are supposed to be fun and that’s why games are hobbies because they take a lot of time and energy. I frankly disagree with this so I told him “people put time and effort in work but work isn’t a hobby” and he got mad again and said “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I think I upset him over the computer parts so I tried to make it up to him by saying “I think building computers is a hobby and that takes time and effort” but then he said “don’t patronize me I know what you’re doing” so things got really sour. He left the dinner table and went to watch tv.

After driving him home my sister told me that he spent a lot of money like thousands on online card games and that it was a sensitive topic for him. I didn’t mean to offend I really like him but now I feel like he probably thinks I’m some condescending person. Is there any way I can make it up to him?

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[–] originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com 49 points 1 month ago (3 children)

yeah, you can apologize

hob·by /ˈhäbē/ noun noun: hobby; plural noun: hobbies

  1. an activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure.
[–] MikeyChaz@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago (10 children)

But if it’s a financial burden and doesn’t bring him happiness I consider that more of an addiction rather than a hobby

[–] originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com 49 points 1 month ago (14 children)

thats not a thing you get to decide for other people

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[–] TheSpectreOfGay@hexbear.net 24 points 1 month ago (1 children)

how do you know it doesn't bring him happiness?

your sister told you that he spent a ton of money on online card games. but he's clearly not playing only online card games if he's overheating computer parts. so he could have an addiction to card games, but that doesn't mean all of his gaming hobby is a financial burden that doesn't bring him happiness.

also i feel like you're jumping to fast conclusions about him through second hand information and one interaction where you were kinda being a dismissive dick over something he likes

[–] MikeyChaz@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago (10 children)

I asked her which game and she said it’s called heart stone and he spent a few thousand on the game. He still lives with mom and she says that he stomps and yelps a lot. I don’t think this is healthy.

I am happy that he knows a lot about computers I respect him for that but spending so much on gambling games is addicting I don’t think I’m wrong here. I care about him

[–] TheSpectreOfGay@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago (4 children)

oh okay, yea i'd probably agree with that, but i doubt that that's the entire hobby, so i wouldn't be dismissive of the whole thing. would prob be more productive to pick at the heartstone addiction specifically

she says that he stomps and yelps a lot

yike, yea def not healthy. actually reminds me a lot of my abusive ex, that kinda addiction where you get really mad at competitive p2w games is really not great

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[–] Lucien@mander.xyz 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (9 children)

I get that, but the word "addiction" is really specific and implies a chemical dependency in the brain. Lots of research has been done on this, and admittedly there were some that tried to make the case that gaming can be addictive, but it's not been reproducible and most scholars today don't believe that. In fact, a lot of contradictory evidence points to the fact that it's not.

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[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That's not what an addiction is.

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[–] largerfather@hexbear.net 29 points 1 month ago

take the L here mikey

[–] Crucible@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago (2 children)

The under one month accounts are doing some work today

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[–] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 20 points 1 month ago (5 children)

To me what separates a hobby from leisure or play is that a hobby is productive. When you create things for pleasure is a hobby. Making games can be a hobby, playing them is play, it's right there in the sentence. Watching a movie is leisure. All of these things are good and cool and should be done by everyone to an extent. But to me a hobby is something like arts n crafts stuff

[–] MikeyChaz@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yeah that’s my stance on it as well I’m just illiterate and didn’t think to use the word leisure

[–] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 13 points 1 month ago

Video games are play. Cause they're active but non productive. Leisure is passive entertainment like a movie or play. I am also saying how I feel these words should apply to what so there's a distinction, absolutely no one else goes by these categories cause I literally made them up 10 minutes ago.

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[–] comrade_pibb@hexbear.net 20 points 1 month ago

Gaming pales in comparison to my hobby: gooning

[–] keepcarrot@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

For some people, hobby just means "leisure activity". I don't think burning personal relationships over semantics is particularly productive, but also this is a person who has an unhealthy relationship with his hobby (or leisure activity). You can have an unhealthy relationship with your local theatre group, or carpentry. Games, obviously being designed as skinner boxes that have gambling^[legally not gambling], lend themselves to unhealthy relationships (also in many other ways).

There is also the need to be validated. Gamers want their activity to be validated, and saying that their activity isn't a "hobby" or isn't "art" is invalidating. Things can be bad versions of those. I would say, however, that its a "hobby" as much as watching TV is a "hobby". If someone claims that watching TV is more legitimate than playing video games, they're being silly.

He is right in that hobbies are supposed to be fun. If he is only having negative experiences with his hobby (or leisure activity), he should probably choose a different one. Possibly one with a proper community that doesn't revolve around being served people to bully.

[–] Thallo@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago (3 children)

MikeyChaz is seriously the best troll account and nobody gets it.

Mikey gets people angry like liberalsocialist but doesn't say anything bannable. Just good clean trolling. Back to the fundamentals.

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[–] Guamer@hexbear.net 13 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

The root of the conflict seemed to be semantics about the definition of "hobby". To most people a hobby is simply whatever you like to do in your free time for fun, and seems to be his definition. If you're worried there's tension, I would maybe apologize and clarify you weren't trying to put down what he likes to do. But if you feel another argument would result, I would just let sleeping dogs lie and move on.

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