this post was submitted on 12 May 2025
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

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Hi! I've been extremely tired this week and nearly forgot that I was hosting one so I'm writing this last minute! I couldn't think of anything so I'm going to write about one of my hamsters who is not Biggs; Meredith

Meredith was another hamster of mine from a few years ago during the early days of COVID, and she was the absolute sweetest little creature I had ever met. Very friendly, very gentle. She loved exploring anywhere I put her into and never bit me ~~okay she did once ever~~. She was an absolute sweetheart and bundle of love and was with me during some of the rougher parts of my life

She unfortunately died very suddenly out of the blue one day at a terribly young age showing no symptoms of anything wrong with her prior, which breaks my heart to this very day

I never had her as long as any other hamster of mine but I don't think I had any other hamster touch my heart in quite the same way. I miss you, girl


Join our public Matrix server!

https://matrix.to//#/#tracha-space:transfem.dev

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As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.

Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.

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(page 4) 50 comments
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[–] Wmill@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Doing black nail polish with pink sparkles on top. Looks nice been meaning to do something other than dark blue. Also got this scrunchie on that has this cute rose design, got a few like this. The scrunchie is black with a red outline, few other ones like a pink one, brown, and blue at home.

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[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

shaving and whiningShaving my face every day forever is going to be the death of me. I hate it so much.
However having everything else shaved is so nice, shaved last night and just been feeling how smooth I am since...

[–] Eco@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago

society if advertisers all died

[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago

addictionfucking hell

i was this close to relapsing just half an hour ago, and just BARELY managed to talk myself out of it

It's Veneris today. I asked my lady on Veneralia, April 1st, for help with the drinking. I haven't touched the bottle since, despite how close it's gotten recently

maybe she is with me here

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

envySaw my friend today, all dressed up. She looked great. I don't even know how to describe what she was wearing but it looked nice. I wish I was her.

Only partially related but I wish I could cry.

[–] XiaCobolt@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

So I'm not closeted. But I present butch so most people probably just see androgynous/fruity man. I won't give the exact details for OpSec but last week I basically got outed on a large scale for a community I'm involved in face to face regularly. I had an almost panic attack because of it.

But I eventually realized "hey this was good, it's like pulling a bandaid off all at once".

Except no one seemed to notice, at first I thought people were just being polite and pretending not to have notice. It wasn't subtle it was literally almost "Xia Cobolt is actually a woman, she is trans!". But like no one actually was paying any attention in the slightest and I'm like relieved but also disappointed.

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago (6 children)

spoilerSorry I hate doing this at the start of a new mega but it hurts bad right now and none of my other ideas are great either
spoiler hopeless, suicide thoughts I am so sick of this shit. Life is horrible and I've known that for a while. I feel like I'm suffocating. I know what all my options are and they're all shit. I hope I die. I don't want to do this again tomorrow, I don't want to do this for however many fucking years I have left. Existing sucks and I'm done. "Oh such and such is just how things are" well I fucking hate it and want to put a bullet in my brain. I can't cope with how it is. Why the fuck did I have to be born. :::

[–] sodium_nitride@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago

lea-finger-guns sending positive energy your way!

meow-hug

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[–] XiaCobolt@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

Yo feminine, lesbian, and trans lesbian jewellery and piercing suggestions?

I've got so many piercings and so much jewellery.

I'd just like to compare notes.

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[–] yewler@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago

Fuck. Landlords.

[–] Seryph@lemmygrad.ml 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (6 children)

vampirepostingMy blood looks tasty.. Rich and succulent, dark and deep.. I wanna vampire so bad..

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[–] TrustedFeline@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago

RIP Meredith

[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago
[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago

unusually cold week, my beloved. temporarily assuaging my climate change anxieties briefly doggirl-sleep

[–] XiaCobolt@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago

Laser on the face really be like "you will shave twice a day and be happy"

[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

start up stellaris for the first time in like a year

completely revamped planet management screen and pop system

play for a decade

realize they shipped it without actually verifying if the auto pop migration system actually fucking worked

game now has a nigh unplayable bug in it

close, restart, reload older version

gods fucking dammit paradox

  1. stop fucking redoing the planet management and making it worse every time. you had it perfected like 6 years ago

  2. stop shipping shit when it doesn't work

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[–] Arahnya@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago

Yesterday and today, there have been ravens near the tree line -- they are so silly, and loud. Just over there "Ah!" "Ah!" so cool. A goth lady came over yesterday, I told her about the ravens and she said "Oh, that's a good sign!"

[–] Wmill@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Think I'm on a new arc where I'm just not gonna correct my spelling no more, it shows hesitant and weakness to go back and edit things.

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[–] SockOlm@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago

After what felt like years of using the same toothpaste, I finally opened a new one.

What I didn't prepare for was the taste being completly different - I had gotten so used to the taste of my old toothpaste that I forgot they came in different flavors and consistencies.

Spat it out, still haven't recovered from the shock doggirl-tears

[–] CDommunist@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago

clocking in for another shift in the posting mines

[–] Wmill@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I sometimes forget that bridget-vibe is british tbh, I like to keep forgetting if I could help it to be honest.

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[–] Boynomoder@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago (7 children)

someone convince me not to apply to this care homeI don’t want to the old people to be mean to me.
Or have to give them sponge baths or change their diapers.
Or potentially have to wear an ugly uniform.
I want an easy job, but there is nothing close by. doggirl-gloom

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[–] XiaCobolt@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Happy-Sad Sincere Posting (CW Dysphoria, self loathing)Last week my partner and I had been listening to some Sufjan Stevens, so the algorithm hit me with the song Chicago while I was driving and I unexpectedly started sobbing. It's not really one of his sad songs (Romulus always fucking gets me), but it is a song I listened to a lot as a teen and one of the few things I guess I felt emotional about while I was quietly disassociating through high school. And I felt this profound sudden connection and understanding with my younger self.

And I reflected that for years I had really hated myself, as a teenager, as a young adult etc. I had chalked it up at the time to things like "hey maybe I am a piece of shit", "maybe I had undiagnosed mental illness" and later "maybe I had internalized homophobia from an insane Christian conservative upbringing" (which was partially true too). But like duh, I hated myself because I thought I was a man, really fucking obvious in hindsight! I felt overwhelming forgiveness and compassion to my old self, but especially that sad lost teenage girl.

So like I'm feeling pretty amazing in a raw AF way.

[–] XiaCobolt@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Follow up revelations from my self-reflection CW grooming SA. DysphoriaI also realized as a teenager ~16-17 I was groomed and sexually assault by a woman in her 30s that was part of a social organization I was involved with over the course of several months. Inappropriate stuff like groping, touching, cuddling, kissing, not things I considered at the time to be actual sex or sexual assault. Plus stuff like being bought gifts, frequent text messages and being given alcohol at social events etc. I didn't have a framework to understand that a woman could assault a "boy" and also how in hindsight I was additionally vulnerable as an unaware trans girl.

Though in a darkly funny way I think my dysphoria around sex and being perceived as masculine prevented me from being victimized further, because she'd be like "do you want to come to my place after school" and some male friends would be like "she wants to have sex with you, that's cool" and internally I'd go "oh I don't want that" and make some excuse every time.

I'm processing this and actually feeling okay because I feel more insightful too about my old self. Also in a deeply fucked up way it's kind of gender affirming.

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