“Learnings” - you’re not fucking Borat!
this post was submitted on 09 May 2025
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I haaaaate this one! It's lessons ffs lessons.
- Holistic
- Double Click
- Table Stakes
- Jump Ball
- Blocking & Tackling
I had one retail manager who constantly kept using "moving forward" for everything. It was so freaking grating!
I hate that I've learned to censor myself around these soulless void-skulls by replacing "problem" with "challenge." No, I don't "solve problems", because to acknowledge something as a problem is negativity we just don't need here at Emperor Clothing Inc! I "tackle challenges"!
It's so freaking goofy and they just eat it up. Everything needs some sort of business-positive spin or they lose their minds and think you're not being a "team player."
I’ve got a manager that’s replaced problem with “opportunity to succeed”. Well, I’ve got 99 opportunities to succeed I guess.
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Seeing opportunities everywhere. The same underlying mechanism is at work here as with challenge: Let's replace the word for this bad thing with a different word that means something similar but positive. And then it looks like something good! I am very smart
I heard "rightsizing" for the first time last year.
I have no idea what knucklehead PR dumbass came up with that but it made the following layoffs even more unpalatable.
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“Cross-pollinate”
"It is what it is".
Used by spineless weasels when it something that they could have avoided, or can still be solved but they are too scared or stupid to say anything.
Referring to people, staff as resources. Nice and dehumanizing.
I've heard "human capital" before. The soulless fucks make others a commodity by stripping the mere mention of their existance of its humanity.
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Ping: emailing someone
Revert: emailing someone
[Topic] came up on diary: I'm emailing someone
Signs you work in a bullshit email job.
not really corporate, but (as far as i know) it was brought into existence due to corporations: "unalive"
One company I worked for decided it was a good idea to name a bunch of firings due to performance "Project Panda" 🤦
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“Learnings”
Yes its an old word and was repopularized by Borat of all things.
Ugh. Just say lessons or something. Leanings just sounds … wrong.
More from the sales types but saying 'value added' is the same as saying greedy mark up.
“You don’t have a sense of urgency to get things done”. I usually get this when I’m going crazy to get things done so my status reports and presentations suffer. I understand paperwork is necessary, but can’t you at least say that rather than claiming I’m not getting things done. Meanwhile they’re satisfied with my sends of urgency to get things done if I just ignore my work and pamper them with status reports and PowerPoints.
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"Tribal knowledge."
- image: We, clan. Together, strong.
- reality: Ask Tommy if he remembers how to reset the printer
Though, I actually like this one. It's a pretty cool phrase you can use anywhere.
I call this one oral tradition, it always gets a chuckle
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I had a manager who at the end of every meeting (and I mean EVERY meeting) said "go team!" It was especially annoying since he wasn't actually present in 99.9% of those meetings.
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Collaboration. I have never worked at a single company that wanted people talking or collaborating on the work floor, or even when sharing a cubicle, let alone listen to any suggestion us peons had to offer. They keep using it as an excuse for RTO.
'contextual knowledge'
this gem was put forward in all seriousness when the data didn't support the claims in the report: "it's not in the numbers, but we have a pretty good sense that this is true"
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There are many but I find "let's double-click on that" particularly grating
I always reply with, "Or we could right-click on that to see our options".
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