dating apps are bleak as fuck, yes.

Find pubs with karaoke, and do it. If you're decent, someone will compliment you. Strike up a conversation with them.

Because women aren't objects to play for and win like a prize in a claw machine. They're people who have thoughts and wants and desires and aren't interested in being treated like an object to be possessed while they're out having fun. If you walk up and you're obviously looking to find something to be romantically interested in, and they want to get to know people like people before anything romantic, you're not going to have any luck. Like a bunch of the other comments said, go find something that you enjoy doing and get to know the people there as humans. Talk about your shared interest, about your goals and wants and desires for your life outside of a romantic partner, and ask them about the same. Surprisingly, once you stop treating women like fresh meat on a savannah and actually try to get to know who they are as people, they stop being so freaked out and might actually be interested in getting to know you as a person.

choosing signals

Intaresting

I met my wife at a bar. We've been married 4 years now.

She walked in alone, looking beautiful. Made up, red lipstick, hot dress.

I was shooting pool in the back with some friends before we head to our friends dj set. She sat down in the front, nearly by the door. I handed my cue off to someone and said shoot for me, I need to take care of something.

As I walk towards her, I can see every other single dude, and the not single dudes, and a couple of ladies eyeballing her. I walked with such momentum that anyone considering trying to make the move had already yielded. I walked with such confidence they probably thought I was already with her.

I sit next to her and start chatting. Ask if I can buy her a drink. Introduce myself. Ask what she's up to. Turns out she's trying to go dancing. She was supposed to meet a friend who was running late, but the dance club accross the street they were going to had closed suddenly a few days prior.

It just so happened that my buddy was DJing the best, sold out, ballroom dance party that night. And I was on the list.

We have a few drinks and chat, convince her to come with us if she's trying to dance. She gets in the Uber with some of my other friends I was shooting pool with and I. The friends there and candid vibe set her at ease, it is a little crazy to jump in a Uber with someone you met 30 minutes ago after all.

I get to look so cool when I tell the bouncer I'm on the list, but there must be a mistake I should be listed for a +1 too. No problem, we both get in. It's litterally the best dance party I've been too. We dance, make out, the rest is history.

Probably one of the most socially friendly places I recall in recent years was a CrossFit gym. I know people shit in them as being full of cultish twats, and to some extent I won't argue that, but compared to a standard gym there's quite a 'us' rather than 'me' vibe to it. Find those kind of places where people look to support and improve each other rather than show off what they know or can do.

Though I'm about the least socially apt person around one thing that really has stuck out to me, don't go there with a goal other than to do the thing. If you go with the goal of a date you're gonna be disappointed, go with the intent of doing what you like instead.