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this post was submitted on 09 Jun 2024
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I think it's acceptable if the mother isn't working and the father is basically the breadwinner. Which, y'know, used to be economically viable. But if both parents are sharing the financial load then they should share the parental load as well. And even if a dad is working, he should still be a dad on the weekends and after work. All children need a good father figure.
Yep, absolutely agree. Thanks for seeing the nuance.
Yeah. It's awful how when society changes to give women more responsibility (financially) that the idea of them looking solely after the children is still expected, even though they are having to work and it dates back to when they were housekeepers.
Am I missing something? Aren't the people asking the man if he's giving mom a break the ones perpetuating the "moms are expected to raise children" stereotype? The guy in this scenario is simply doing father things, it's the assumptive person asking the question that's hanging onto old beliefs.
I'm all for fathers being fathers, and I think anyone who bothers to take their kid to the park on off times is probably in the same boat. It comes across as more than a bit condescending to have some random person imply that this activity isn't one that's normal for your family.
Yeah, that's exactly what's happening. People seem to be misconstruing my comment as endorsement of gender stereotypes? I don't know.
The assumption that the father is just giving mom a break is part of a systemic issue, that by and large women are still expected to bear the bulk of the burden of childcare. Older generations are much more likely to ask that assumptive question as they still see it as the norm. Hell, some families in my own personal circle fit that stereotype like a glove, to the detriment of the mother's mental health.
I think for what it's worth, as much as I advocate for a single working parent, I think a stay-at-home dad would also be a good thing and a working mother. I just think the capitalist system should allow families to live with one working parent.
Yep, nothing wrong with a stay at home dad. Unfortunately capitalist society axed the single income comfort for the vast majority of couples decades ago. I wonder what things would be like if our buying power remained at 1950s levels?
Probably like the 1950s but without the discrimination problems
Yeah. Dads should be dads and be involved in their children's lives.
Yeah, I don't think anyone is arguing they shouldn't. It just seems really counterproductive to ever talk to a father as if he's a babysitter. As long as we're assuming Mom doing all the child rearing work is normal, and Dad's just a babysitter, we're leaving the door open to normalizing deadbeats.
That's exactly what I was trying to acknowledge with my comment above. I was just pointing out how common it actually is to come across folks that think that way and that they think that way due to systemic issues involving deadbeat dads and perpetuation of antiquated gender roles among other things.
I think the person asking a question like that shouldn't necessarily be treated with disdain as absent or uninvolved fathers is a rather large problem. Some men still lean into the gender roles without even thinking about it. Its still so normalized that its ultimately mother's responsibility to handle children and any additional involvement from the father is seen as charitable, it seems. Its a disappointing dynamic.