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Dating
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 30 Dec 2023
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My wife and I started living together after 3 months, talking marriage at 6, and formally engaged at 9 months. We've been married over 6 years now.
I don't have time for high school nonsense. I'm not going to burn 1+ years of my life on a "maybe". The older I get, the better I learn what I want and don't want.
We both had similar goals, or rather, goals that we could grow in together and not go separate ways. We had a shared sense of humor. My weaknesses were her strengths and vice versa. And we have activities we love doing together and things we love doing alone. It's fucking great.
A major advantage of dating when you're closer to 30 is that, for most people, you're finally secure enough in your own identity to where you worry less about whether they like you and more about whether you like them.
If I had stopped to ask myself the latter question at 22, I would have saved myself the raging dumpster fire that was my first marriage because the answer was a resounding "No." My first wife was a horrible person with very little to like. But back then I didn't like "me" very much and I guess on some level I was afraid that no one else would either. Despite plenty of evidence to the contrary.
Funny, I've been almost as social as Mowgli for most of my life till about now (27), but feel as if I understood what you're saying.
Mowgli was a pretty social guy, felt comfortable walking around in his undies with friends and strangers alike
Yeah, there was an imbalance in his social interactions
I think I got too secure in my own identity. Now I just feel like I'd be annoyed trying to incorporate most of the women I meet into my lifestyle (doesn't mean they're bad people, just not a good match for me). Every so often I meet someone I feel like would be a good fit but they're usually already in a relationship or not interested. At this point I'm just doing my own thing and if a relationship happens, I'll roll with it but until then I'm happy being single.
This is important though. If you're happy with the way things are then that's totally fine.
I never expected to get into a relationship so soon after getting divorced. I didn't feel like I was ready. I just thought this lady at one of the other offices of the company I worked for was cute and decided to chat her up.
She caught me off guard when she asked me out. I had to be straight with her so I told her that I had recently gotten divorced and I wasn't looking for anything serious but if she wanted to hang out, I would like that. She was actually ok with it. That was six years (married four), and two kids ago. She is an awesome lady and I am one very lucky guy.
I would have rather remained single for the rest of my life than have to live through a bad marriage again. It's better to be alone than to wish you were alone. At that point in my life, I was happy being single. But I like where I am now too and I'm happy things worked out the way they did.